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My girlfriend & I broke up and I feel terrible since it was my fault [Plan for Self-Improvement in Threadmarks]
- Thread starter Neoxon
- Start date
My Plan Going Forward to Better Myself
OP
OP
Weirdly enough, she said that she wasn't mad at me when she recently replied. But she stood by her decision in that she wanted to just be friends, which I respected.
From here, I'm gonna focus on mending the bridge with my little brother in terms of our relationship as I better myself on all fronts (not sweating the small stuff, not having arguments escalate, sarcasm, not being an overpowering jerk at times, all of it). Maybe later down the road when I'm ready, I can put myself out there again. But I don't want to do that until I'm damn sure that I go back out there a better man.
From here, I'm gonna focus on mending the bridge with my little brother in terms of our relationship as I better myself on all fronts (not sweating the small stuff, not having arguments escalate, sarcasm, not being an overpowering jerk at times, all of it). Maybe later down the road when I'm ready, I can put myself out there again. But I don't want to do that until I'm damn sure that I go back out there a better man.
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Golden rule, don't argue about things that are not concerning to your well being. What does it matter if fall starts one day or the other? "but actually-" NOBODY CARES. Your life will go on. You'll be fine. She didn't ask you to tell her the day. She probably started the topic because she was gonna share something else with you.
But your desire to be right for absolutely no reason, reward or benefit to anyone but YOURSELF and the three seconds long release of dopamine from Winning an argument was more important to you than whatever she was gonna say to you .
That's bad man. Really bad. It's a human being you're treating with. Not a game of Scribblenauts.
There's nothing to debate when someone shares their excitement about the onset of fall....
edit: This is what I was talking about earlier and maybe counseling can help, but you shouldn't be stifling your need to debate but your perspective that something should be debated to begin with. One leads to pent up anger and resentment and the other can hopefully lead to more positive outlooks and happiness.
First of all, what she said wasn't incorrect. There are two different, yet scientifically accepted dates for the beginning of fall. It depends on which field of study is being utilized, meteorology or astrology.
It was wrong of him to condescending question her acceptance of science, especially when he was, in fact wrong.
Now she ultimately told him that she was joking, but I wonder if his pressure didn't force her to back off in doubt, or if she did so to avoid further badgering. In any case, OP was in fact, misinformed.
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OP
OP
It was less about me winning & more about wanting to correct the misconception, which eventually went too far. But in general, you're right. I can't let that get to the point where I forget that I'm talking with another human being.
This is pretty great, and overall, you're already trying to take positive things from your thread. Best wishes to you.
I've got you blocked in the one discord server we share so I can't see what you say ninety-five percent of the time, but this sounds par for the course.
To be fair, it's because you have this overwhelming, dominating personality that takes over entire conversations in both voice chat and text. A little advice I'd give is for you to work on your emotional intelligence. Learn whether something's worth arguing over, and learn when it's time to shut up. Especially the latter part.
All the best in improving yourself.
To be fair, it's because you have this overwhelming, dominating personality that takes over entire conversations in both voice chat and text. A little advice I'd give is for you to work on your emotional intelligence. Learn whether something's worth arguing over, and learn when it's time to shut up. Especially the latter part.
All the best in improving yourself.
Nobody cares.
It's a relationship and you're supposed her boyfriend, not her teacher. You're supposed to listen to her, not judge her. You're supposed to make her feel better with herself, not worse (you compared her to TRUMP).
Come on son.
OP
OP
Yeah, I know I fucked up there. You're right in that I can't correct everybody, otherwise I'd be their teacher (& a bad one at that).
Remember that Albert Camus got famous because he understood what the ancient philosophers didn't. That there was no point to finding the truth because there is no truth.
When you share yourself, you share your existence, the time you spend together. You're making someone else live their lives alongside yours. And we, humans, human as we are, care not about truth, but pleasure.
If you want someone to be with you, you gotta be a pleasure to be with to them.
That's all there is.
OP
OP
That........actually makes sense. I never thought of it that way before, specifically with Camus' approach to truth. Thank you for bringing it to my attention (philosophy isn't my strong suit, seeing as I'm a Computer Science major).
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This is a bizarre reason to break up but my guess is that it's more of a 'straw that broke the camel's back' sort of thing.
OP
OP
Yeah, that's accurate. Going by how she's responding to me now, she's much more chill about the ordeal than I am, but I guess that comes from me realizing how much of an overbearing jerk I can be.
OP
OP
Because I want to come out the other end as a better person. The reason I made this thread was to be honest about what happened, reflect on what got to this point, & take input as to how I can accomplish my goal of improving myself.
Hiya, just graduated with a CS degree here. Believe me when I say the earlier these things happen, the earlier you conduct an introspection and realize how you engage with others, the better.
Take some time and space away from the current situation and focus, as you've already said, on family, and other friends. It will do wonders. I've done similarly with a recent breakup, and my college life feels like a lifetime away even though it's only been a few months.
It's good you are being introspective about this, learn from it and improve for the future. Seems like she doesn't hate you or anything, she just thinks you aren't compatible based on this and similar behaviors. I'm honestly surprised because you don't come across as an overbearing, pedantic ass on here, but it's different when you are face to face with someone all the time and being obsessive about little things often. It could become really grating.
OP
OP
Actually, thinking back, I find that it's worse over text than it is in person. The sole exception to that is my little brother, which I'm currently trying to rectify.
People have already said what I wanted to say OP so I'll just chime in to say I hope you come out a better person after this. The fact you're self-reflecting on not only this but past mistakes tells me you're on the right track.
OP
OP
I have, really. The goal now is to act on what I need to improve about myself.
Well, whatever it is, I think a good lesson to learn from this is to prioritize what really matters and let the little shit just pass you by because it's not important.
OP
OP
Thinking back to other instances of arguments with others, a good chunk of them did come from the little things (including this). So yeah, I need to not let things phase me like that.
Depending on your personality it can take time and practice, but it's a good skill to have for just dealing with people in general, not just romantic relationships.
OP
OP
Yeah, it's something I realized when thinking back to my argument with my little brother as well as other smaller instances.
OP
OP
Yeah, it's already been a weird start to the month. I didn't think that I'd contribute to that.
Fair enough, but I'm not seeing how it's "condescending" to say "no it's not actually that" when someone says something wrong. The girlfriend in this case was technically right however, but regardless I don't think being wrong about something like that is worth breaking up over.
OP
OP
It made me realize how my nature may have impacted my other relationships, which is hitting me just as hard (if not harder) than the break-up.
Still, I appreciate the criticism. It's good to get the viewpoints of others so I can get a better idea of how exactly to proceed.
OP
OP
I would save the blessings for after I fully act on my plan for self-improvement, but thank you.
OP this is the last thing that matters but I'm curious, what is your stance on Chik-fil-A?
It sounds like it was just the straw that broke the camels back. It's good that you're reflecting and you should continue to do that but I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Each new relationship is a learning experience, it can be heartbreaking but you're learning about yourself.
OP
OP
I don't pay to eat there due to their blatant homophobia & transphobia, but she spoke of how even her gay best friend eats there. She isn't the first person I had this argument with, as I've butted heads with my mom as well as my older sister on the same topic (typically ending on "nobody cares but you"). Thinking back, I should have been a bit more calmer in stating my stance, as it eventually snowballed into this.
Relationships really are just practice before you get married in a way so don't be too hard on yourself.
You're supposed to learn from these things so you can better navigate the next one.
My second marriage is substantially, substantially better than my first partially because of a lot of learned lessons.
You're supposed to learn from these things so you can better navigate the next one.
My second marriage is substantially, substantially better than my first partially because of a lot of learned lessons.
I usually turn the other cheek on stuff like that myself but for what it's worth when it comes to dating I legit would consider someone who eats at chik-fil-a as incompatible, lmao.
OP
OP
I became the very thing I hate, of course I'm gonna be hard on myself. I'm trying to make sure that it never happens again.
Came here to say this. Best of luck with the future, life goes on.
This reminds me of standup comedian Mike Birbiglia's My Girlfriend's Boyfriend. Specifically this passage.
Anyway, might be something relatable. Seems like you've got a good handle on the situation. Wish you luck.
Anyway, might be something relatable. Seems like you've got a good handle on the situation. Wish you luck.
OP
OP
I'm not yielding to that belief, but rather better presenting my argument in a way where I don't clash with those close to me. As mentioned earlier, it can snowball into something worse, which is the last thing I want (especially after today).
Thank you, I just want to make sure that it's a future where I'm better than I am now as a person.
Yeah...only reason it hit so hard was because you weren't really out of the honeymoon phase. That's like hitting a brick wall going 60 miles per hour because you haven't coasted to slow down yet.
At least you're trying to improve yourself
OP
OP
That's how she described it, actually (right down to the "don't be so hard on yourself" part). I get that each relationship is a learning experience, but the way this ended stung the most as it made me realize how I can be with others (including you guys). Not to mention that it was my first relationship in years.
OP
OP
The belief that there isn't another relationship coming right around the corner is the biggest trap to avoid. You'll absolutely kill your self esteem and mental health if you buy into that lie.
