-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping
- Thread starter Hollywood Duo
- Start date
So, after 6 years of being extremely careful, my girlfriend finally got pregnant. This isn't a problem in terms of commitment/desire to at some point have children, but we were hoping to wait at least two more years to do this. My girlfriend is on medication for OCD, and we're assuming she'd have to go off of it during the pregnancy, which is a very scary prospect. She had a really bad year dealing with it up until this last year, and she was hoping to enjoy this period of relative stability. Has anyone dealt with a similar dilemma?
Otherwise, I'm scared shitless about this whole thing. Logically, this is such a bad time—we live in a one-bedroom apartment and we probably don't make enough money to really do this right, and yet here we are seriously considering going through with it. We also have incredibly mixed feelings about not simply just enjoying life between the two of us for awhile longer, since we're still so crazy about each other. Biological impulses are a hell of a thing, I guess
Fuck.
Otherwise, I'm scared shitless about this whole thing. Logically, this is such a bad time—we live in a one-bedroom apartment and we probably don't make enough money to really do this right, and yet here we are seriously considering going through with it. We also have incredibly mixed feelings about not simply just enjoying life between the two of us for awhile longer, since we're still so crazy about each other. Biological impulses are a hell of a thing, I guess
Fuck.
You'll make it work, if there's one thing becoming a parent does to you - it gives you the ability to make things work 'somehow'.
Aaaaaaaagh I'm dying.
I think she's going to see a doctor soon to find out.
The one bedroom apartment isn't a big deal at this point. A baby won't need its own room for a while. Plenty of people do it in a one bedroom.
Finances are always hard, but hopefully you guys figure something out if you do proceed.
Yup, there might be things that work and others that don't. They might have to switch her off something and onto something else. My wife had to lower her depression med, which really sucked but she got through. She had some other meds that she was fine on because that's usually the one they recommend to pregnant people and she was already on it.
My big advice if you guys go through is to be there for her and be very understanding. Not only does pregnancy do crazy things to women's bodies and hormones but obviously having to switch meds and stuff affects things, too. She's not going to be the same person for a while. And she's likely going to be frustrated about that, too.
Finances are always hard, but hopefully you guys figure something out if you do proceed.
Yup, there might be things that work and others that don't. They might have to switch her off something and onto something else. My wife had to lower her depression med, which really sucked but she got through. She had some other meds that she was fine on because that's usually the one they recommend to pregnant people and she was already on it.
My big advice if you guys go through is to be there for her and be very understanding. Not only does pregnancy do crazy things to women's bodies and hormones but obviously having to switch meds and stuff affects things, too. She's not going to be the same person for a while. And she's likely going to be frustrated about that, too.
The finance thing is worrisome because I don't see a path out of our current living situation any time soon. We live in the ludicrously expensive SF Bay Area, and our apartment is only somewhat affordable. I'd have to make a pretty big career move before we could even think about relocating.
That's really interesting/encouraging that some medications were fine. Hopefully that's the case with us, since its one of our biggest hesitations in going through with this right now.
Do you all still have time to do anything when you're a parent, or do you just stop caring as much?
it's nearly impossible to be spontaneous in terms of going out to a bar or dinner for us, which was a big change, but we can plan a week ahead - just costs a pretty penny in sitter costs
otherwise you just make it work if something is important enough to you, I'm still cooking and exercising as much as I can
otherwise you just make it work if something is important enough to you, I'm still cooking and exercising as much as I can
Yup, definitely going to need to talk to a real doctor but some medications are fine. Some should be weened down as much as possible close to birth. Others should be switched. None of us will know and it's no use fretting before you know.
I'm a new parent of a now 7 week old and I definitely have some time to do things. Doing outside the house things becomes nearly impossible unless you have someone to take care of them and if your SO is breast feeding, good luck. You'll be tethered for a while. That said, we still find time to watch our favorite shows together. I still get in video game time here and there, but probably moreso handheld and phone than a console but that's partially because of how our house is set up. I still get in some exercise. You can still be a person, it just might take some creativity and work for a bit.
I still have plenty of time to play games or read or stuff that's consistently scheduled like golf league. Spontaneous stuff, especially outside the house, not so much. So I guess it depends what kind of things you're really accustomed to doing.
That is extremely encouraging to hear. My girlfriend and I aren't super spontaneous as it is, and most of our friends live very close by and could thus visit us instead!
You will still have time to do stuff. Just possibly not the same stuff you used to do, and not as much of it. For example, my wife and I would quite often go out for a few drinks after work before we had kids. Can't do that any more. Weekends are now arranged around what we're going to do to entertain them. Weekdays are nursery run, work, nursery run, dinner, bath and bedtime for the kids.
Evenings are usually free after they've gone to bed, but we can't do anything that makes too much noise, and honestly most of the time we're too tired to do much more than veg on the sofa and watch tv. If you want to play games or watch a film or any sort of hobby, that's the time to do it.
You'll still be able to do stuff with friends, it just tends to need to be planned in advance rather than spur of the moment. A lot of the time one of us will look after the kids while the other goes out. You just make it work, it takes a bit more effort than you'll be used to at first, but you'll get the hang of it :)
If you have family nearby (or someone who's enough of a friend), just having someone come over and watch the baby even once a week is a massive stress relief. We were lucky enough to have someone to watch Josie even overnight, but even if it had only been for a few hours it would be massive. So start building some up owed favors if you can.
These are both very encouraging responses. We tend to travel abroad somewhat often, at least relative to most people we know, but we lead very mellow lives when we're stateside. My girlfriend doesn't drink, and most nights we just like eating dinner and watching a movie when I get home from work. It doesn't sound like we'd actually have an incredibly difficult time adjusting.
With regard to child care, we're very lucky that we have a ton of friends and family all living very close to us, and I'm sure they'd be happy to help out. And, fortunately, my girlfriend works from home, which will make things a little less complicated.
I've become weirdly excited about this. Now I just have to give her space to let her decide; she's still vacillating between really wanting it and really not.
Re childcare - it sounds like you've got a lot of support to help you out, but it's worth mentioning that childcare can be *very* expensive. As an example, we have two daughters in nursery, and the monthly nursery fees cost 4 times as much as our monthly mortgage payment.
After months and months of piss poor sleep (especially for my wife, bless her heart), our nearly 7mo daughter slept for 10 hours straight last night. Most nights lately have only had one wake-up and we got an 8 hour stretch earlier this week too.
It's really hard to tell if anything we changed up actually made a difference or if she just grew out of her sleep problems. We cut down on night feedings and I started putting her to bed with a different approach (no talking or interaction for a good 10-15 minutes while she lays in her cribs besides popping her pacifier back in when she spits it out and gets upset). Either way I don't really care! I'm sure we'll hit a regression at some point in the future but sleep was the last real challenge for us until she's mobile and it feels good to have conquered it. We finally got her used to bottle feeding even in the presence of mom just few weeks ago (she was a little snob if boob was around) too.
Just don't fall into the trap of "oh it'll be so easy to work from home and look after the baby at the same time". It's a full time job.
It's really hard to tell if anything we changed up actually made a difference or if she just grew out of her sleep problems. We cut down on night feedings and I started putting her to bed with a different approach (no talking or interaction for a good 10-15 minutes while she lays in her cribs besides popping her pacifier back in when she spits it out and gets upset). Either way I don't really care! I'm sure we'll hit a regression at some point in the future but sleep was the last real challenge for us until she's mobile and it feels good to have conquered it. We finally got her used to bottle feeding even in the presence of mom just few weeks ago (she was a little snob if boob was around) too.
Just don't fall into the trap of "oh it'll be so easy to work from home and look after the baby at the same time". It's a full time job.
I've been editing funny pictures and videos of my nephew for my brother every now and then, my wife told me I should make a funny video for our 11 week old son. So I made this.
Little man has the sniffles so anytime he goes on his back he gets upset. He slept super good two nights ago and basically all day yesterday but last night he was so fussy. All he wanted to go was lay on our chests and curl up. Made sleep a limited quantity.
I try to keep his nose cleaned as much as we can. With that and the humidifier I hope he's over it soon.
I try to keep his nose cleaned as much as we can. With that and the humidifier I hope he's over it soon.
I'm pretty depressed at the moment. My wife basically cancelled all holidays this year to make sure our little Arthur doesn't catch anything. I'm really not sure how to bring it up to anyone and I'm sure extended family will take it as a giant middle finger to all of them. No one else with babies/children has ever not shown up simply because of that. It's kind of a tradition that they'd meet the baby then. I'd even give up most of that to keep my close family's Christmas tradition. We were going to spend the night with my parents. My sister and her kids would be there, too. That's been a huge tradition for a while and this would be his first Christmas. I know it means the world to my parents and they've been planning it for a while, buying a new bed for us to stay on and such. And Thanksgiving will be kind of rough too. My grandma's in the beginning of alzheimers and hasn't seen him yet. We were planning on Thanksgiving to be a good venue since family would be around and she'd be less directly angry at my parents (my mom is primary caregiver for her so she gets the brunt of the wrath from her right now). If we cancel it might be the last time for her to even see him while sort of lucid.
I'm just really bummed about it all. Holidays mean a lot to me and I'm proud of him and want to show him to family like I've seen everyone else in my family do.
I'm just really bummed about it all. Holidays mean a lot to me and I'm proud of him and want to show him to family like I've seen everyone else in my family do.
uhhhhhh... that's INSANE
you posted before about how your wife wouldn't let anyone visit at all, right???
unless your little one has some sort of scary underlying issue, keeping them in a bubble won't be doing them any favors
do you have a pediatrician visit upcoming? maybe you should bring it up then and get reassurance that it's fine
if my wife said something along those lines to me, she'd get MASSIVE pushback... that sort of thinking can only spiral. is your wife having issues post-partum?
you posted before about how your wife wouldn't let anyone visit at all, right???
unless your little one has some sort of scary underlying issue, keeping them in a bubble won't be doing them any favors
do you have a pediatrician visit upcoming? maybe you should bring it up then and get reassurance that it's fine
if my wife said something along those lines to me, she'd get MASSIVE pushback... that sort of thinking can only spiral. is your wife having issues post-partum?
We just got back from the pediatrician actually just to make sure things are alright after getting home from the hospital with meningitis. My wife was freaking out about taking his temperature because our thermometer had him at 100.3 (100.4 being fever for the little one). We bought a new thermometer and tried that and it was lower, but she was still worried. She bumped up our appointment to today.
The biggest thing we learned? He never actually had a fever at all. We took him to the ER because our thermometer had 100.5 reading. But online reviews and now tests at the pediatrician show that thermometer was up to 2 degrees high. And the ER got 99.8. So we caught meningitis because of a faulty thermometer. It's fucking nuts.
No, I wasn't that person. We've had others here, but not huge family stuff.
I'm the person with the baby that just got out of 14 days in the hospital for meningitis, so that's part of what's scaring her.
We actually literally just got out of the pediatrician's office and that's where this conversation came from. The pediatrician basically advises everyone to keep their babies in bubbles as much as possible until 4 months old especially during winter when flu and colds are out and about. She reiterated he's not in any more risk because of the meningitis, but she was basically all on board with my wife's idea of not going to family functions this holiday season at all.
It's hard to really argue with her because she literally doesn't see her family. We were planning on possibly taking him in a plane to Arizona to see his grandparents on that side in January but she's full on cancelling that too. I think she doesn't see much importance in holiday stuff especially if it puts him at risk. Partially because she's right, people are a bit too flippant with babies, but also because she doesn't have to give up any family time to keep him in a bubble. We were already iffy about Arizona because of some other issues.
The biggest thing we learned? He never actually had a fever at all. We took him to the ER because our thermometer had 100.5 reading. But online reviews and now tests at the pediatrician show that thermometer was up to 2 degrees high. And the ER got 99.8. So we caught meningitis because of a faulty thermometer. It's fucking nuts.
No, I wasn't that person. We've had others here, but not huge family stuff.
I'm the person with the baby that just got out of 14 days in the hospital for meningitis, so that's part of what's scaring her.
We actually literally just got out of the pediatrician's office and that's where this conversation came from. The pediatrician basically advises everyone to keep their babies in bubbles as much as possible until 4 months old especially during winter when flu and colds are out and about. She reiterated he's not in any more risk because of the meningitis, but she was basically all on board with my wife's idea of not going to family functions this holiday season at all.
It's hard to really argue with her because she literally doesn't see her family. We were planning on possibly taking him in a plane to Arizona to see his grandparents on that side in January but she's full on cancelling that too. I think she doesn't see much importance in holiday stuff especially if it puts him at risk. Partially because she's right, people are a bit too flippant with babies, but also because she doesn't have to give up any family time to keep him in a bubble. We were already iffy about Arizona because of some other issues.
Can you not suggest hosting a limited number of visitors and having anti-bac handwash by the door for guests as they enter? It's a very normal thing to do for visitors around a newborn. At the end of the day, you're as likely to be a carrier of germs and bugs when you go to/from work as any friends or family visiting.
Well... we don't really go to/from work at all. My wife's off and I work from home 95% of the time. So we're really not a carrier of germs. The one compromise they said was that we could literally require everyone that gets near him to wear masks and sanitize, but we'd just have to still cancel the most important Christmas event altogether anyway because we can't have my sister and her family wear masks the entire christmas.
Newborns I sort of understand, but he'll be 4 months come Christmas. That's why I feel like most in my family will see this as unreasonable and weird. And like it's something else keeping us away.
I hear you. I can only suggest the obvious - finding a good moment to have a calm talk with your wife where you let her know how you really feel. By expressing understanding about her position and she understanding yours, maybe there's grounds for some degree of compromise.
So what do you all have for general suggestions for the whole Nanny situation? We've got twins on the way so the little extra $ for a Nanny vs Daycare is worth it for the time saved picking/dropping off from Daycare plus some of the perks of a Nanny (light house keeping).
We've got three candidates we've met in person that we like and are trying to figure out pay (over, under, 50/50) and benefits (holidays, PTO). Any suggestions? The one we like the most works at an infant day care right now making $16/hr and we'd have to come up with some unique perks of Nanny-ing to entice her over as well as matching pay. What do you all offer Nannies as unique perks?
We've got three candidates we've met in person that we like and are trying to figure out pay (over, under, 50/50) and benefits (holidays, PTO). Any suggestions? The one we like the most works at an infant day care right now making $16/hr and we'd have to come up with some unique perks of Nanny-ing to entice her over as well as matching pay. What do you all offer Nannies as unique perks?
What do you folks do to get a fussy (I emphasize fussy not picky) eater to actually eat? My youngest is two and absolutely refuses to eat at meal times. She's fine about eating whatever (if it's not a meal time) but no matter the dish if it's dinner time there will be a struggle to get a single bite in her. At first we thought maybe she was snacking too much during the day so she just wasn't hungry so we cut back on snacks. Then we thought maybe she just didn't like the food so we branched out and tried a bunch of different things to see if we could find stuff that she'd eat that was better for her than Goldfish. That ended in a lot of wasted food. We've tried dropping portions, and eventually bribery. No dice. It's stressing my wife out. It doesn't bother me too much because every checkup she's had has been fine and she doesn't complain about being hungry. Maybe it's psychological? like associating bed time with dinner so she thinks that by not eating dinner she can skip going to bed? I don't know I've been running through a bunch of scenarios looking for some sense.
I'd stick with the "feed her at off hours" thing but with our oldest starting school we need to keep the a schedule more strictly than before.
I'd stick with the "feed her at off hours" thing but with our oldest starting school we need to keep the a schedule more strictly than before.
That seems pretty problematic, have you spoken to the doctor together about it and whether it's a reasonable stance?
FWIW, we did four weeks before taking the baby into public, food shopping, etc. We had family over at two weeks, people didn't come if they had colds, washed their hands, etc. Our friends took their six week old to Tibet to go hiking for a few months.
Last edited:
Our friends had a child who was born with Hirschsprung's and had a very difficult time with eating. They spent a lot of time with professionals and learning how to best handle it and at the end of the day the answer was basically a) model by having them eat the same things you do as soon as possible b) don't make a big deal out of it. So we prepare one meal, the children are free to eat or not eat it, dessert is once a week and not conditional on finishing your meal, and snacks are fruit and cheese. It's worked out fairly well, our kids have pretty eclectic tastes due to eating out ethnic food with us all the time. They're still picky about some things of course, but everyone is.
That's kind of where I stand on the issue. I'm the primary cook so I'll make food for everyone but nothing specific to anyone. Tonight's chili night for example. Everyone gets chili, but my wife will add cheese to hers, I'll add hot sauce and crackers to mine etc. The kids have the options to add what they like but that's what we do for dinner. My oldest is fine, she'll chow down. My youngest will yell and scream about not being hungry and wanting to get down so she can go play instead of eat. I'm not sitting there forcing her to clean her plate or anything but a bite or two during dinner shouldn't be this hard to get out of her.
Like I mentioned, it doesn't bother me too much but my wife is worried she's not getting enough nutrition. We're using vitamins for now just to be sure but it'd be nice if she would eat instead of trying to throw her dish as far as she can.
Yeah, we actually do a little guilt trip if one of us put a lot of effort into dinner and they just pick at it, mostly from a "it's not really polite to behave this way when someone puts a lot of time/thought into making you a meal." But our kids are 11/14 now.
The entire debate came from the pediatrician's office. She's not saying bubble 100%. We have some people here once in a while, but basically the pediatrician advises everyone with a 4 month old or younger to stay the fuck away from 'larger' gatherings and my wife is agreeing.
It just seems nuts because no one I've ever known actually does this with holidays.
ahh sorry to hear that, bacterial meningitis is scary AF, glad to hear your kids doing well
my little brother had it as an infant, and my mom apparently became obsessed with hand washing for a few months
that's fine, just weird advice i guess - i'd usually say avoid planes and don't let strangers or people with symptoms in close contact. i've never heard of a pediatrician making that recommendation beyond 2 months of age
We give little man a bath and the first thing he does as we start to dry him off is poop and pee in the towel.
After I do anther quick risk and take him down to get a diaper put on, he proceeds to poop on me, the dresser, changing table on top of the dresser, and his changing pad.
Fun times.
After I do anther quick risk and take him down to get a diaper put on, he proceeds to poop on me, the dresser, changing table on top of the dresser, and his changing pad.
Fun times.
Wait til he gets a bit older and starts telling you about it while it's happening. Couple of weeks ago, my (in toilet training) daughter called me through to the toilet as she needed a poo. She sits down, looks me in the eye and says "I'm going to do a poo daddy, and it's not going to be a small one". She was right. The same thing happened again last week, except this time she said gleefully "Let's start the show!"
I have no idea where she gets it from.
A story for when the suitors start coming round in the teenage years.
Can anyone provide me with some pregnancy diet advice (for my girlfriend)? There are a million different sources out there, but I'm wondering if you all have any specific ones in mind.
All of this stuff is being recorded in a journal so I can torment them with it when they're older :)
Pregnancy diet is hard as fuck to plan for. I mean outside of the things she needs to avoid. With my wife she joked that her appetite reverted to an 8 year old child. She wanted mac & cheese and non-offensive stuff like cheese pizza.
Other than plain things, it was hard to plan because her appetite would be everywhere. We could have a dinner made and then when it was out and ready it would horrify her. Or she wouldn't want anything at all. Crackers were a godsend when she wasn't terribly feeling food at all.
That doesn't last the whole pregnancy, but a good chunk of it near-ish the beginning.
I don't think you need to be particularly concerned unless your doctor brings something up. The biggest thing is to just not gain too much weight and not too little as compared to your starting weight.
Meanwhile my wife didn't have any food-related changes or aversion during her pregnancy. So ymmv.
Yeah every pregnancy is different. My wife didn't have the mood swings and stuff people talk about nor did she have the crazy ass cravings. Just didn't really like food sometimes and was horrified by the smell and possible taste of other food at other times.
My wife didn't have any weird cravings. She did try to eat foods that are commonly allergenic, though, hoping that exposure to them might help the baby not be allergic to peanuts or whatever.
Today is six months since little Josie came along and it's been the most amazing time. The first couple of months are kinda whatever, but ever since then basically every day has just been a joy. I feel that we've gotten very very lucky, though. She's slept a minimum of 14 hours a day for over three months, and only woken up for more than an hour at night twice. Never been sick, always has a smile on her face. I hope we're not just saving up hardship for it all to come back to the mean later lol.
10 weeks. First ultrasound done.
This is a new record for my wife and I.
Still not out of the first trimester yet. I think I'll be more optimistic if we make it to the second trimester. Fingers crossed.
The OB thinks she's funny...
She tells us, "we're going to do things differently this time."
And I'm all, "oh? Like what? Why didn't we do these things the last time?"
And she responds, "Well we're going to have the baby of course..."
:/
This is a new record for my wife and I.
Still not out of the first trimester yet. I think I'll be more optimistic if we make it to the second trimester. Fingers crossed.
The OB thinks she's funny...
She tells us, "we're going to do things differently this time."
And I'm all, "oh? Like what? Why didn't we do these things the last time?"
And she responds, "Well we're going to have the baby of course..."
:/
Little dude is almost a month old. We've been really good at sleeping at night. We go to bed at 9:30pm and sleep till about 3am. We get a change and then some more sleep until 6:00ish. Feed and change again and another small nap until were up.He's been a little fussy the last few days due to gas so he's been getting some drops.
Baby's first election went well. She didn't even cry when the poll workers booped her nose. She's been so wary of literally anyone other than me, my wife and my mother in law recently.