So is anyone else as terrible at dating as I am?
- Thread starter Exellus
- Start date
Don't be self defeatist! I don't share all my interests with my SO and nor does she with me. It's healthy to have things you do together, and things you do on your own. Don't let the idea that you need to find someone to compliment your lifestyle be what makes a perfect partner.
Dating isnt your problem, its actually maintaining relationships. Consider why your relationships keep failing as your dating numbers are actually reasonable.
100% this. My wife hates games, and she has plenty of hobbies I don't care about. We're both introverts and need alone time so that works out great. We have plenty of things we do together like hiking, biking, date nights out with good food and beer/wine concerts, movies, shows we watch together etc., but it's super nice to have a fair amount of space and free time to do our own things.
I have topped all those numbers and am now happily married with a beautiful child, I really hate sounding so cliche but you will eventually find someone, I have no doubt about it.
Yep, this.
I also had plenty of relationships end after 3 months. Hundreds of first dates, nearly always second dates if I wanted them, plenty of hookups. Looking back, they all died for one reason: it wasn't the right person. When they weren't feeling it, neither was I.
So, OP: does that seem accurate to you? You probably knew that things were gonna end before it happened and you weren't too bummed about it, right?
I'm gonna have to go with this. Don't sustain a shallow personality if you're looking into a long-term relationship.
Who ended these 3 relationships you've had and what was the reason given? That tells you everything you need to know.
I should also say that I met my wife on eHarmony and have had a much better experience on the paid dating sites, if you haven't tried those already. From my experience there seems to be a lot more women who are serious about dating on there than the free ones.
Yo, OP, at first your post read like this guy:
I have no experiences with online dating, but from your number of dates and onwards, that reads like a decent enough success rate?
It seems like you're not bad at dating, you're bad at maintaining a proper relationship, which is an entirely different beast, i guess.
I have no experiences with online dating, but from your number of dates and onwards, that reads like a decent enough success rate?
It seems like you're not bad at dating, you're bad at maintaining a proper relationship, which is an entirely different beast, i guess.
First off, stop online dating.
I slept with women off Tindr, but the only meaningful relationships I've been in have been with women I met in real life. Currently in a 3 year relationship thats going better than I could have ever imagined.
Online dating is for hooking up only imo. If you want aq real relationship get off Tindr and all the other shit.
I slept with women off Tindr, but the only meaningful relationships I've been in have been with women I met in real life. Currently in a 3 year relationship thats going better than I could have ever imagined.
Online dating is for hooking up only imo. If you want aq real relationship get off Tindr and all the other shit.
The key to online dating is the eyes, it at least it had been for me. The one thing every woman I've interacted with I've asked what made you reply/message me..."you have nice eyes, oh and your profile made me laugh" so comedy is the second thing I guess. But anyway, go out and try to interact in the wild, it's hard but it can be done, and if that fails go get some sexy contacts.
You really don't have a bad hit rate, as mentioned look at why you are having trouble retaining. There is no way for us to know on a forum, so rethink what goes wrong (or right) on any of the 2+ dates. Do you ramble about yourself to much, lack self-confidence, not listen to your date?
Lists all his failed relationships and tells her he hopes this one works out.
Those stats don't seem that bad to me. I think a lot of "younger" people/women have gotten more picky when it comes to long term relationships because of online dating. It may take some time, but eventually you'll find that mutual spark. I would ease up on the volume of dates though.
* Do note, I'm absolutely shit at dating and the sheer fact that I'm in a long-term relationship (through online dating) is a fucking miracle.
* Do note, I'm absolutely shit at dating and the sheer fact that I'm in a long-term relationship (through online dating) is a fucking miracle.
I don't want you to become depressed, but in all honesty, this probably does play a part.
Most women online are super picky when it comes to height. Hell, there's a very sizeable amount that won't even message you back unless you're at or above six feet tall.
A first date for every ~30 women you message is a pretty good rate. 1/5 of those turning into second dates also sounds pretty okay.
But if I were you, I'd take a break, focus on friends or maybe meetups, and become comfortable and happy being alone before you dip back into the dating world. If you aren't happy alone, a partner won't fix that.
But if I were you, I'd take a break, focus on friends or maybe meetups, and become comfortable and happy being alone before you dip back into the dating world. If you aren't happy alone, a partner won't fix that.
I can't wait for our next thread "I have been on Tinder for 3 years and i haven't been able to find a stable relationship"
Like everybody said >online dating.
Like everybody said >online dating.
Spoilers: If you move across the country you're going to have the same problems with dating as you do now, you'll just be hella more lonely.
I think your best option is to show us your OkCupid profile.
And what are you doing to improve yourself?
You could at least reach Neville level, I'm sure.
i truly believed that for a long time, and tried regardless of what they liked, but i guess it's just not possible for everyone
Only someone with the same lifestyle/interest as me would be attracted to me at this point (and the same goes for me really), i'm really bad at conversations and don't care that much when it's not a subject that somewhat interest me a little! I tried to be interested in other people lives and interest, but it just felt hypocrite cause i wasn't really interested in the end... tried for years to make the effort to be someone i'm not... it's not worth all the hassle imo
I accepted the fact that i'm kinda boring outisde my own interests, and that's okay! Either way if i don't find anyone then so be it, it won't prevent me from living a happy life (maybe just frustating at times)
What exactly are your supposedly oddball interests?
Look, for most of us, we can't ACTUALLY say our interests are: Netflix, beer, gym, sleep, dogs.
Interests don't define a relationship. Things like how people communicate and resolve disagreements is way more important. Yes, it's crucial to support a partner, but you don't need a ton (or even any) overlapping hobbies.
Like, my girlfriend enjoys superhero movies. I couldn't be less interested in that if I tried. Similarly, she doesn't care about EDM. Who cares? We do our own thing most of the time.
User Banned (2 Weeks): Sexist Red Pill, PUA rhetoric.
Call me crazy but some women like when you are an asshole to them it's worked for me plenty of times. First don't over compliment them tell them that they look nice and that's it. Don't use words like beautiful and gorgeous and fine. On those sites guys tell them how gorgeous they are all day so they don't really need to hear it from you and hell its not like some of them aren't already big headed enough so keep the compliments to a minimum or none at all.
Next I wouldn't even mention that I have my own place and a career maybe you're sorta flaunting that to them and you don't want them to want you for the wrong reasons so I'd Dutch on all dates or let them cover the bill, again you wanna come off as an asshole but not too much of one.
And lastly come off as if you don't really need them make them feel as if they are replaceable. Never overreach for their attention if you guys are texting and she doesn't reply to your text don't send a second one make sure every text is a reply to hers. And when she does text you never reply right away and when she asks why you are responding so slow say you are busy dealing with important shit. Try the asshole approach it will work trust me.
Next I wouldn't even mention that I have my own place and a career maybe you're sorta flaunting that to them and you don't want them to want you for the wrong reasons so I'd Dutch on all dates or let them cover the bill, again you wanna come off as an asshole but not too much of one.
And lastly come off as if you don't really need them make them feel as if they are replaceable. Never overreach for their attention if you guys are texting and she doesn't reply to your text don't send a second one make sure every text is a reply to hers. And when she does text you never reply right away and when she asks why you are responding so slow say you are busy dealing with important shit. Try the asshole approach it will work trust me.
Yep, I can't even manage to get started. Nothing near me, can't drive, I'm so pathetic. Kill me now.
If they don't feel the spark, or they don't pursue you they're just not into you. There are a number of reasons for this but I'd like to ask: how eager are you?
I'd bet on these being lies. These woman had to face no consequences after lying to you and they never had to meet you. It sucks, but if someone doesn't follow up after it's likely they just weren't the into you. Don't take it personally, they're not right for you anyway.
They're potentially dating (multiple) other people and you may be getting cut. It's not always about what you do.
You're 32 and shouldn't be so damn worried. Whether someone sees this in you or not on the first date, it's evident that something is simmering below the surface to these women. You need to work on your internal man.
How different are your pictures from your actual appearance? Heightism is a thing but if you don't misrepresent yourself and go on a date then don't worry about it. But most importantly, spending all day flaying your mind about 'what I did wrong' and worrying about going dutch or holding hands - your train of thought is completely wrong. Eventually, as in all relationships, you're going to make the wrong choice, you're going to say something stupid, you're going to make a mistake that truly matters. You can't walk on eggshells to 'get everything right' with someone. That's not how it works. Be yourself, be confident despite your failures that you'll meet someone who makes you feel great. This isn't a game of coercion, it's a gauntlet of being yourself and finding the person who can't imagine a life without you.
I say this as someone who did online dating for about 3 years before meeting my wife (we just got married actually). I made a lot of mistakes. I hurt myself and hurt others and had one-night stands, got dumped for stupid reasons, and got dumped for hurtful reasons and managed to put myself in the same stupid position of hurt, alone, and confused. You know what changed? My attitude inside and how I approached myself. It wasn't just one thing, it was that I was more okay with myself.
Dating is brutal. As someone who is 5'3, Indian, and balding it can be really hard to find someone to date me. I know I'm not very appealing to a lot of people online and it sucks.
I think you may just be taking online dating a little too seriously. My take is that online dating leads to a lot of window shopping, but not an awful lot beyond that. Overanalyzing why someone isn't feeling it probably won't get you anywhere. If the other party isn't invested, they're not invested.
Your family hasn't tried to set you up with someone dozens upon dozens of times?
My friend here is also a short, bald Indian guy and he's never wanting for options (though they haven't gone anywhere) because of his "network."
3 girlfriends over 12 years? Unless you are super shy there's gotta be a catch here. Any decent and sort of outgoing person can get a partner easily. Are your standarss high? Are you shallow? What do you normally talk about with women? Like, truthfully, you're not saying much about yourself so many people aee going to assume you have a poor personality that turns away women.
