What is it with people freaking out/overreacting over small age gaps in dating?

[Kyuuji]

I didn't say I'd report you if you replied to me again. Please check back.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/wh...ge-gaps-in-dating.130201/page-8#post-22947506

My example gives a good, commonplace and quite recognisable case where a marriage between two people with a substantial age gap was entered into in good faith. They went on to raise three children. Richard sadly died in 1975 in a car accident that also took Mildred's right eye.

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Equating having an issue with 40+ year olds dating teenagers with people having an issue with interracial marriage is stupid.

Richard dying and Mildred losing her eye have nothing to do with anything.

You continue with this bizarre method of writing romantically and emotively about couples with large age gaps (or otherwise irrelevant adult couples) as a means to try and diminish the suggestion that abuse can occur in the dynamic.

In your desperate attempt to hand-wave people having any scepticism around people 40+ having committed relationships with teenagers you've:

• Equated having an issue with it with people having an issue with interracial marriages.
• Suggested that their real issue is with women having any agency.
• Implied your experience of it working well somehow invalidates the notion of it being a dynamic particularly susceptible to abuse or there being a reason for concern.
• Called people concern trolls when they disagree with you.
• Claimed people are 'gaslighting' you when they said they aren't concern trolls.
• Claim that you're concerned because people in the past had concerns about the age of consent legally being 21 for gay men in the past
• Then heavily leaned on the law as a valid metric immediately after highlighting it as being flawed
• Referred to experience as an adult as being completely arbitrary in a relationship while aligning all of your arguments against the legal age of adulthood being 18
• Implied that experience of being a teenager is commonly the same as the experience of being an adult

All over people saying they'd side-eye someone 40+ trying to get into a committed relationship with a teenager.

This is seeming less about you in your youth and more you about you being 50+ in a thread where people are suggesting 40+ year olds shouldn't be out there chasing relationships with teenagers. Being happily married I don't even think it's about the chase, but I can guess that it still stings when it's read out. Which it shouldn't as it doesn't invalidate any of the positive experiences you have had.

Outside of that it's hard to reconcile this complete rejection you have over people being wary of these situations and an insistence on it being as standard as a white person dating a black person.

It isn't though. As has been said a hundred times prior, the dynamic doesn't necessitate abuse but it's one that can very easily foster it. Which makes your need for people to not view it as such all the more perplexing.

 

[CrazyAndy]

I don't really care about age gaps as long as both are consenting adults. A friend of mine is 32 and his fiancée is 25. They got together when he was 26 and she was 19. I never thought they would make it but here they are.

 

[Laughing Banana]

Age gap?

Anyone under 25 isn't really an independent and fully-formed adult, so any age gap crossing this magic number is problematic.

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Says who, lol. Plenty of people under 25 already more than qualified to be called an independent and an adult, and plenty of people over 25 are still like children.

Don't make a general blanket statement like that.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

You're straight up litteraly saying I would have been opposed to this.

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No. I'm pointing out that the extreme positions expressed in this thread are at odds with our normal everyday attitudes. It's not that I think you're deliberately being deceitful, just that when it comes to this kind of discussion people can often end up taking extreme viewpoints that they wouldn't normally condone. Richard and Mildred are just a handy, celebrated and well documented case of an everyday relationship that happens to have precisely the kind of age gap that some people here are suddenly taking extreme positions on.

 

[Kyuuji]

No. I'm pointing out that the extreme positions expressed in this thread are at odds with our normal everyday attitudes. It's not that I think you're deliberately being deceitful, just that when it comes to this kind of discussion people can often end up taking extreme viewpoints that they wouldn't normally condone. Richard and Mildred are just a handy, celebrated and well documented case of an everyday relationship that happens to have precisely the kind of age gap that some people here are suddenly taking extreme positions on.

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People giving a side-eye or degree of scepticism to 40+ year olds seeking out committed relationships with teenagers is not at odds with normal everyday attitudes.

 

[Siggy-P]

No. I'm pointing out that the extreme positions expressed in this thread are at odds with our normal everyday attitudes. It's not that I think you're deliberately being deceitful, just that when it comes to this kind of discussion people can often end up taking extreme viewpoints that they wouldn't normally condone. Richard and Mildred are just a handy, celebrated and well documented case of an everyday relationship that happens to have precisely the kind of age gap that some people here are suddenly taking extreme positions on.

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See, I think you are in fact being deliberately decietful because of the fact that you've spent the whole thread making similar far fetched assertions in an attempt to "gotcha" people opposed to 40-60 year olds trying to fuck actual genuine schoolgirls.

I do not believe at all you were posting a random "handy, celebrated and well documented case", because you spent half a paragraph describing how that case overturned racist laws and then spent the other half accusing me of opposing it. You seemed very keen to condescendingly draw an equivilence between my viewpoint and opposing interracial relationships.


So, now that you've made every insinuation under the sun about me and the other posters, ranging from calling us sexist, ageist, racist, and even straight up saying we have problems stemming from the idea of our parents having sex (were the Eff did you even pull that one from?) at one point, as well as more, I'll be blunt:

In your real life, outside this thread, please leave the actual schoolgirls alone. Same with anyone else near your age. You have nothing mutually beneficial to gain from dating a 16 year old. Just stop with this hypothetical "but maybe she's really mature" bs argument.

I don't care that they're legal and that's all that matters to you, they're school girls.

School girls.

The overly consistent and aggresive nature in which you, an above 50 man more than double my age, have refused to let up an inch and instead repeatedly tried to condecsendingly ad-hominem everyone who disagrees with your view is a can of worms at best.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

See, I think you are in fact being deliberately decietful because of the fact that you've spent the whole thread making similar far fetched assertions in an attempt to "gotcha" people opposed to 40-60 year olds trying to fuck actual genuine schoolgirls.

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This kind of nonsense really won't do. I've spent most of the thread trying to talk sense to extremists by simply describing my own sex life, which has never included a person younger than me and seldom involved a person even close to my age.

There is a continual dinning of attempts to equate age gaps in adult relationships with abuse. This is simple ageism and it just won't do. An adult in their teens marries an adult in their sixties? Unusual, but not abusive.

 

[Kyuuji]

This kind of nonsense really won't do. I've spent most of the thread trying to talk sense to extremists by simply describing my own sex life

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This nonsense lol..

- Showing a degree of concern and scepticism toward someone 40+ seeking a committed relationship with a teenager
= Extremists

🤔

- Demanding noone show any concern at all about the above situation, otherwise they're a gaslighting, women-hating concern troll.
= Sense

🤔

There is a continual dinning of attempts to equate age gaps in adult relationships with abuse. This is simple ageism and it just won't do. An adult in their teens marries an adult in their sixties? Unusual, but not abusive.

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No, there isn't. You've just chosen to ignore every single post (of which there are many) clarifying that:

I'm fine with how it sounds. We're not discussing other relationships, I've long-since specified that my concern is with 40+yo's seeking committed relationships with teenagers.

In response you've called me a concern troll and claimed that I've been gaslighting you. Your apparent view that your experience invalidates any cause for concern with the dynamic, and thus anyone to the contrary must have ulterior motive, is bizarre. Especially when people have repeatedly pointed out that the dynamic doesn't necessitate abuse.

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As has been said numerous times, the situation doesn't necessitate abuse but it's susceptible to it. Which is why people are sceptical or suspicious of the situations where the age gap is so great and the young person is as young as you can legally get.

You're taking a general situation and concern, that's already accounting for the fact that such relationships can work, and applying it to yourself. I'm glad you've had positive experiences, others haven't. Your successful experience within these situations doesn't negate the wider concern around them.

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What won't do is a person in their 50/60's throwing a tantrum and demanding no-one show any degree of concern or scepticism toward people 40+ seeking committed relationships with teenagers.

What's actually just happened is you've thrown out another bizarre equivalence – trying to relate the above to people having an issue with mixed-race couples – which people called you out on, and now you're back to this "this won't do" nonsense.

 

[Siggy-P]

This kind of nonsense really won't do. I've spent most of the thread trying to talk sense to extremists by simply describing my own sex life, which has never included a person younger than me and seldom involved a person even close to my age.

There is a continual dinning of attempts to equate age gaps in adult relationships with abuse. This is simple ageism and it just won't do. An adult in their teens marries an adult in their sixties? Unusual, but not abusive.

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I'm done trying to act like you're approaching this with any genuine sense of goodwill.

Respond to a single point or why bother posting at all?

 

[Kyuuji]

.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

I'm done trying to act like you're approaching this with any genuine sense of goodwill.

Respond to a single point or why bother posting at all?

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Most of your points are personal attacks. I'm giving up on you, because if I continue reading your posts I will have to take the attacks seriously.

 

[Radeo]

Pretty sure the main concern is that people at a younger age can have a much bigger difference in life experience, even in just a few years

Obviously giving someone shit over it without any evidence of abuse is bad, and I also doubt that most people are "grossly overreacting" without knowing the people involved.

 

[DragonSJG]

Pretty sure the main concern is that people at a younger age can have a much bigger difference in life experience, even in just a few years

Obviously giving someone shit over it without any evidence of abuse is bad, and I also doubt that most people are "grossly overreacting" without knowing the people involved.

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It;s mainly been on twitter but I've seen people make blanket statements that 18 with 21 is predatory or even with 20 is weird/messed up without knowing people involved

 

[Radeo]

It;s mainly been on twitter but I've seen people make blanket statements that 18 with 21 is predatory or even with 20 is weird/messed up without knowing people involved

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If you're taking Very Online people to heart you should probably stop because there is absolutely no nuance allowed to anything lmao

If you're getting comments in public however that's very different

 

[The Albatross]

I'm gonna make a reasonable assumption that they didn't mean once over 25, that's it no matter what.

If they did though then I take it back and that's crazy talk.

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Yeah, I think this conversation is a tiny handful of people making extreme statements, like the one that anybody dating someone who is under 25 when you are over 25 is tantamount to that person's friend raping a mentally handicapped person. And reasonable minds raise doubts about that extreme statement, but then that gets lumped in with making doubts about someone side-eyeing a 40-year-old dating a 21-year-old.

A 40 year old dating a 21 year old would raise my eyebrows and I'd think like, "What are these two people getting out of this relationship?" As a guy myself, hanging out with 21 year olds (like my wife's family, they have a lot of people 18-23) is exhausting for me and I'm only in my mid-30s, I couldn't imagine having a relationship with a person in their early 20s but just because my life is so different than my life was in my early 20s and I don't understand how it'd be worth it for me -- an old -- to be in a relationship with someone who is young (~21-24).

But... at the same time... It's not my place to pass judgement on why someone wants to be in a relationship with someone, and relationships are complex things, where people want different things than I've traditionally wanted in a relationship. A girl friend of mine (not partner, just a friend who is a girl) has *always* dated men many years older than her, it's just kind of her thing... When we were in our 20s, it was always guys in their 30s, now that we're in our mid 30s, it's always guys in their mid-to-late 40s. I generally don't know why she's always dated older and never really dated her own age, but... I kinda think it's a confidence thing for her, where she doesn't feel confident around people her own age, but older men who are ... eh ... kinda ugly or not like ...attractive men ... are interested in her. WHen she first started dating guys in their 30s when she was in her 20s I didn't get it, because they'd come out with us and it'd always be weird and she'd end up having a terrible time (I think at the time I said to my then girlfriend now wife, "Why does Lauren always date fat losers in their 30s?"); but as time went on I think I just started to understand that its an insecurity of hers. And, I think it'd be wrong for me to judge her harshly based on her insecurities.

But, largely, I think the breakdown in the thread is where people are making very extreme statements -- like that any relationship that crosses the "magic number of 25" is tantamount to raping a mentally handicapped person (that is... an insane statement to me) -- and then other people being surprised or scoffing at those extreme statements, and then someone less extreme walking the goalposts back. Or on the flipside that "any legal relationship is acceptable." The way that poster described it was that people should be prosecuted for crossing the "magic number" (their words) of 25, which seems like a pretty extreme point of view. I was surprised by such an extreme view and asked for clarification before jumping on it, and... that's the view, haha. That poster even said "This never goes over well [when I explain my views]," so... I think they sort of accept that it's a very extreme statement.

My hunch is that the poster's view is based on unhealthy relationships they've had and they're extrapolating that out to all people ... but ... that's just my hunch. My wife and I started dating when she was 22 and I was 26, and I've definitely never "Chased" women who were that much younger than me, but it's just how it worked out. We're now in our 30s, married, with kids, house, etc. Otherwise the only major age gaps I've had in dating were on the reverse... When I was ~24 I dated a woman who was ... 28, and another woman who was 30. Neither of those relationships worked out, the 28 year old was extremely immature, even more immature than I was at 24. BUt, I wouldn't consider either of those "relationships" tantamount to me being raped, or tantamount to a mentally handicapped person (me in this case) being raped repeatedly. I didn't feel that I was a mentally disabled person being raped by an able-person at the time, and even when those shortlived relationships ended, I don't feel that way now.

 

[Seirith]

Age gap?

Anyone under 25 isn't really an independent and fully-formed adult, so any age gap crossing this magic number is problematic.

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What? I was married and living on own with my husband at 22.

There are plenty of people under 25 that are living on their own under the age of 25.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

But I guess you're an adult so don't let social morays interfere with your autonomy?

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Sorry, can't resist.

 

[Deleted member 48897]

Saw this tweet and the replies and thought some people here should probably put eyeballs to it.
(https://twitter.com/rey_z/status/1151245472780247040)


Anyway since it sounds like someone asked, just coming in here to say I think student-teacher relationships are creepy and buddy believe me I know a thing or two about bein creepy
--

 

[Z-Beat]

This kind of nonsense really won't do. I've spent most of the thread trying to talk sense to extremists by simply describing my own sex life, which has never included a person younger than me and seldom involved a person even close to my age.

There is a continual dinning of attempts to equate age gaps in adult relationships with abuse. This is simple ageism and it just won't do. An adult in their teens marries an adult in their sixties? Unusual, but not abusive.

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A 60 year old has no business fuckin with an 18-19 year old.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

A 60 year old has no business fuckin with an 18-19 year old.

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Why? Does it make a difference if the 18-year-old wants to fuck a 60-year-old?

 

[tommyv2]

I was married and living on own with my husband at 22.
.

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Say what now? You can't be living alone and independent and be married and have someone live with you. I can't figure out which point you're trying to prove, or if I've misunderstood what you wrote.

 

[tommyv2]

Why? Does it make a difference if the 18-year-old wants to fuck a 60-year-old?

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No, but it sure makes a difference if a 60-year-old makes plans to fuck a teenager. Jesus, think of the children!

 

[RedMercury]

Why? Does it make a difference if the 18-year-old wants to fuck a 60-year-old?

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Holy shit dude

 

[Deleted member 4034]

Saw this tweet and the replies and thought some people here should probably put eyeballs to it.
(https://twitter.com/rey_z/status/1151245472780247040)


Anyway since it sounds like someone asked, just coming in here to say I think student-teacher relationships are creepy and buddy believe me I know a thing or two about bein creepy
--

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I made a thread talking about this kind of thing once, it started from a tweet about a gay Male who didn't realize why people freaked out when he told them his first relationship was with an adult cop when he was a young teen. Annoyed that it got locked because one member kept going on about how much he enjoyed blowing old dudes in the park when he skipped gym or something.

Conversations like these are just gonna make people defensive about themselves and people they know. And while I can laugh at all the Leo DiCaprio jokes on Twitter, I can agree that people can be a bit overzealous and project, but I also I think others are ignoring way too much.

I do agree with the mindset of what two consenting adults do is none of my business, you'd have to be wilfully ignorant to ignore the power balance set by some relationships aka someone 18 dating someone in their 30s.

If a kid gets his license at 17, they can now drive legally most places cool. That doesn't mean they can handle a cross country there and back on their own. These things matter.

I had plenty of friends in high school with older boyfriends. And some of them looking back realized it probably wasn't okay. 15/19 might work out for one person, but 15/18 might not have for another.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

No, but it sure makes a difference if a 60-year-old makes plans to fuck a teenager. Jesus, think of the children!

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To be clear, we are talking about two adults here. You may have issues thinking of older people as sexual beings, but not all people think the same way. We're basically talking about the plot of Harold and Maude at this point. While that's a romantic comedy and it shouldn't be mistaken for real life, there are people like Harold and Maude. People who would rather give their hearts to somebody who has maturity and great love in their heart than to somebody who, while pretty, has little capacity for thought and hasn't lived long enough to empathize.

 

[tommyv2]

To be clear, we are talking about two adults here. You may have issues thinking of older people as sexual beings, but not all people think the same way. We're basically talking about the plot of Harold and Maude at this point. While that's a romantic comedy and it shouldn't be mistaken for real life, there are people like Harold and Maude. People who would rather give their hearts to somebody who has maturity and great love in their heart than to somebody who, while pretty, has little capacity for thought and hasn't lived long enough to empathize.

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Why can't your hypothetical 60 year old pure-hearted and wise sexual person find someone close to their own age? What, are their age-matched counterparts no good? There's no shortage of people of all ages, why exploit the young and vulnerable?

Guess what? TODAY, you are the smartest, most experienced and mature you've ever been. In ten years, you'll look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking. Consider the feelings of other people, not just urges and ethical standards of the society you happen to live in.

 

[Kyuuji]

Holy shit dude

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Don't even, dude has been aggressively demanding no one find this suspect the entire thread.

 

[subpar spatula]

People who are 18 generally are sexually active. They're allowed to smash people older than them and they do. If they come to regret that 10-years later then that's a lesson learned for what type of person they want to be. You cannot hand hold people until YOU believe they are ready to do things themselves. If you know anyone in a relationship with a large age gap then be supportive whether it succeeds or fails.

 

[Kyuuji]

People who are 18 generally are sexually active. They're allowed to smash people older than them and they do. If they come to regret that 10-years later then that's a lesson learned for what type of person they want to be. You cannot hand hold people until YOU believe they are ready to do things themselves. If you know anyone in a relationship with a large age gap then be supportive whether it succeeds or fails.

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You call it dramatic but if as many people view this as a creepy problem then we as a society should take steps to prevent the implications of this creepy relationship from happening.

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Just so we're clear, which position do you hold?

 

[subpar spatula]

You quoted me twice? I don't get the gotcha.

My position hasn't actually changed. You were in that back and forth. Please re-read up on the conversation.

 

[Deleted member 32018]

Why has this thread dissolved into something that has nothing to do with the OP?

 

[Kyuuji]

You quoted me twice? I don't get the gotcha.

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Which do you ascribe to: the notion that this is generally found to be creepy and your desire to be active about adhering to that, or that it's all live and let live with no scrutiny?

 

[subpar spatula]

Which do you ascribe to, the notion that this is generally found to be creepy and your desire to be militant about it, or that it's all live and let live with no scrutiny?

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Again, my position never changed. You were in that back and forth. Please re-read the conversation.

 

[Kyuuji]

Again, my position never changed. You were in that back and forth. Please re-read the conversation.

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I didn't take you as arguing in good faith but then you seemed to claim to be. So you didn't mean that if society in general finds this creepy that we should take actions to stop it (something that wasn't being suggested by myself)?

 

[speak_easy]

I feel like it's only weird when your talking about younger people. My dad was 50 and my mother was 33 when I was born, so I feel like they both had time to figure themselves out and get the lay of the land before dating.

That being said, As a 31 year old male I don't think I could date someone younger than me, personally.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

Say what now? You can't be living alone and independent and be married and have someone live with you. I can't figure out which point you're trying to prove, or if I've misunderstood what you wrote.

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I believe they were saying they were a married adult and living with their husband at 22 as opposed to living with their parents and not being able to function as an adult which you stated was the case for anyone under 25 years of age.

 

[subpar spatula]

I didn't take you as arguing in good faith but then you seemed to claim to be. So you didn't mean that if society in general finds this creepy that we should take actions to stop it (something that wasn't being suggested by myself)?

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I was obviously saying that if you believe it to be creepy (and many others believe so too) that society should take lawful steps to curb this behavior. I wanted to see your takes on how to tackle the issue.

Just to reiterate: my position has not changed since my very first post in this thread.

 

[Kyuuji]

I was obviously saying that if you believe it to be creepy (and many others believe so too) that society should take lawful steps to curb this behavior. I wanted to see your takes on how to tackle the issue.

Just to reiterate: my position has not changed since my very first post in this thread.

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Seems counter to this, which suggests inaction:

People who are 18 generally are sexually active. They're allowed to smash people older than them and they do. If they come to regret that 10-years later then that's a lesson learned for what type of person they want to be. You cannot hand hold people until YOU believe they are ready to do things themselves. If you know anyone in a relationship with a large age gap then be supportive whether it succeeds or fails.

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Like I get if there's no contradiction but it seems like it on the surface. On the one hand you're advocating for society to take action and involve itself in the relationships of others and on the other you're saying people should let them be? I've evidently misunderstood a part of your wider position, just not sure which.

 

[subpar spatula]

Seems counter to this, which suggests inaction:

Like I get if there's no contradiction but it seems like it on the surface. On the one hand you're advocating for society to take action and involve itself in the relationships of others and on the other you're saying people should let them be? I've evidently misunderstood a part of your wider position, just not sure which.

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I am not advocating for society to take action via law. You are misreading. I am asking what YOU want changed to curb this behavior because you and others find the behavior creepy to such a degree.

 

[Kyuuji]

I am not advocating for society to take action. You are misreading. I am seeing what YOU want changed to curb this behavior because you and others find the behavior creepy to such a degree.

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You're the one that prompted for that after I told you what people should do lol.. you prompted for something further - "more definitive steps should be taken".

Be sceptical and aware of situations that might be more susceptible or open to abuse. Look out for them, both the situations and the young person involved in them.

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But that's not a solution to the problem people say exists. That's just general solutions for basically everything. If a younger person dating an older person is needing the side eyes then more definitive steps should be taken since side eyeing generally implies wrong doing.

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As that's obviously the case from this thread then it seemed like you were suggesting action should be taken.
We've obviously got our wires crossed on this one.

 

[subpar spatula]

You're the one that prompted for that after I told you what people should do lol.. you prompted for something further - "more definitive steps should be taken".


We've obviously got our wires crossed on this one.

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I even said in that very same post you bolded that those aren't actually steps to curb this behavior. I didn't get any wires crossed. My position has been consistent since the very first post. You can re-read the entirety of our conversation again, but nothing has changed. All I did was reiterate my position again and now we're back at square one.

 

[Kyuuji]

I even said in that very same post you bolded that those aren't actually steps to curb this behavior. I didn't get any wires crossed. My position has been consistent since the very first post. You can re-read the entirety of our conversation again, but nothing has changed. All I did was reiterate my position again and now we're back at square one.

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Sure thing boss.

 

[Deleted member 48897]

Don't even, dude has been aggressively demanding no one find this suspect the entire thread.

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I will say the whole "of course young women want the guys who are older, and smarter, and don't talk about the Kardashians*" thing sounds, well, let's say, like a specific evo-psych talking point.


*is this something teenage boys have been doing more of these days??

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Why can't your hypothetical 60 year old pure-hearted and wise sexual person find someone close to their own age? What, are their age-matched counterparts no good? There's no shortage of people of all ages, why exploit the young and vulnerable?

Guess what? TODAY, you are the smartest, most experienced and mature you've ever been. In ten years, you'll look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking. Consider the feelings of other people, not just urges and ethical standards of the society you happen to live in.

Click to shrink...

Okay, let's unpack that.

First, a word about the film. Maude is 79 in the film by the way, and is played by the beautiful Ruth Gordon who was 75 when the film premiered. Harold is a death-obsessed 18 and Maude is basically his manic pixie dream girl who shows him how to overcome his morbid thoughts and live life to the full as she does. So let's be clear, it's fiction. It's not a polemic in favour of gerontophilia.

Nevertheless you suggest that older people and younger people have no business hooking up. Well my answer is: why not? Young people tend to have beautiful bodies. Even those who are not thought beautiful by their cohort are attractive to those who aren't engaged in the hurly-burly of youth.

Secondly, age is not a great guide to personality type. Some people just hit it off. This happened to Mrs Decitrig and me. She happened to possess a magnificent figure, slender and strong from regularly travelling by bicycle. But although that certainly wasn't a bad thing for me as a man ten years her junior , what has kept us together is that our personalities are so well matched.

Did Mrs Decitrig exploit sweet naive virginal* me? I don't think so. I was naive in many things but I knew then as I know now that I could spend a life with this person and we could both be very happy. And so it happened, but that's a story for another day. Extremely, deliriously happy. Happy beyond my wildest expectations.

*I hadn't ever been into girls before so in a sense she took my cherry. The brazen cradle snatcher! The harlot!

I have no idea what the second paragraph means. Mrs Decitrig and I have lived together for more than three decades. Clearly we have changed in many ways during those decades. But that's how marriage works.

 

[Seirith]

Say what now? You can't be living alone and independent and be married and have someone live with you. I can't figure out which point you're trying to prove, or if I've misunderstood what you wrote.

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I mean, I was not living with or being supported by my parents. At 21 I was a fully formed adult that had moved out, bought a house, got married at 22 and was working FT. My point is that by 25 many people are adults and no longer being supported by a parent.

 

[tommyv2]

Nevertheless you suggest that older people and younger people have no business hooking up. Well my answer is: why not? Young people tend to have beautiful bodies.

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I'm outta this thread. With the type of things people say in public forums, I can't imagine the type of thoughts some keep private.

Peace out.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

I'm outta this thread. With the type of things people say in public forums, I can't imagine the type of thoughts some keep private.

Peace out.

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Can't cope with horniness being lifelong. Blames old people for eschewing monasticism.

 

[Tya]

Age gap?

Anyone under 25 isn't really an independent and fully-formed adult, so any age gap crossing this magic number is problematic.

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I'm guessing you think your view is based on science?

 

[Jonathan Lanza]

Nevertheless you suggest that older people and younger people have no business hooking up. Well my answer is: why not? Young people tend to have beautiful bodies. Even those who are not thought beautiful by their cohort are attractive to those who aren't engaged in the hurly-burly of youth.

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I'm only gonna have half ignore the potentially yikes line of reasoning here but you really have to consider that one of the main points here is that perhaps making large decisions such as who you engage in a romantic relationship with based around how horny you are is neither a good idea nor is really acceptable for someone well into their 60's to be making. In a sense you kinda confirmed people's suspicions with that. When asking the question "Why willingly decide to date someone who is 18 while you're 60?" it is very hard to come down to a reason that isn't "cuz i needs that yooth booty" . Do you not see why that doesn't sit well with a lot of people?

 

[Sai]

Why? Does it make a difference if the 18-year-old wants to fuck a 60-year-old?

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holy lol dude