What is it with people freaking out/overreacting over small age gaps in dating?

[Siggy-P]

Christ dude, you return from a five day ban and immediately post the exact same thing and baseless accusations?

You're not even taking a step back to go "Maybe I shouldn't be arguing with people of an age group that they should be happy I, someone three times their age, am sexualising their bodies."

 

[Sai]

LL Decitrig is just weirding me out honestly

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12 pages of defending and romanticizing huge age gaps is super fucking creepy, honestly.

 

[Siggy-P]

If you're old and dissacosiated enough with gen Z's that you can't understand why they would make a half hour video on YouTube talking about their mental health, you have no right going out with them.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

12 pages of defending and romanticizing huge age gaps is super fucking creepy, honestly.

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As I've said, age gaps between adults in a consensual relationship don't need defending. And what's wrong with romanticising loving relationships? Some people get paid good money for that. Romance is a massively popular genre.

Loving relationships between adults who are not you don't need your input.

 

[Masquerader]

Jeez, what a thread, pfft. I'm gonna be THAT guy and state that both sides are being idiots. On the one hand, who are you to assign an arbitary age limit outside of the law? So long as they're not romantically involved with underage people, why is that inherently immoral on its own? On the other hand, if there's a 40-50 year age gap or so between the two, there's certainly doubt about it being as sincere as a certain poster is portraying it to be, and it's laughably ignorant of them to act so innocuous about it.

Although I remember my idiot parents using it against a past relationship of mine as an excuse to justify their homophobia... Despite the age gap between me and my Ex being literally being less than half of the age gap between my parents.

Age gap?

Anyone under 25 isn't really an independent and fully-formed adult, so any age gap crossing this magic number is problematic.

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Thanks for the generalising patronising insults, this makes me feel soooooooo much better about my relationships!

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Jeez, what a thread, pfft. I'm gonna be THAT guy and state that both sides are being idiots. On the one hand, who are you to assign an arbitary age limit outside of the law? So long as they're not romantically involved with underage people, why is that inherently immoral on its own? On the other hand, if there's a 40-50 year age gap or so between the two, there's certainly doubt about it being as sincere as a certain poster is portraying it to be, and it's laughably ignorant of them to act so innocuous about it.

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How do we parse relationships into sincere and insincere? What standards do we apply? What role does age play in this judgement?

 

[Gigan]

Whoa, that thread was a ride !

I'm 33, my boyfriend (and soon-to-be husband) is 52. We've met 13 years ago and we're a happy couple since then.
I didn't think much of the age gap when we first met. I just thought he was hot, funny and intelligent. Also I was 20, I was horny af.
He had spent 15 years in an abusive relationship and it was recently over. He just wanted to meet new people and try new stuff.
We clicked quite quickly and it has been nothing but happiness since then. He has the maturity and rigor I need and I bring new things to the table. I truly think my life would have changed for the worst if I hadn't met him.

Now, a 19 years age gap... A lot of people are telling me to worry about the future and I know that. I know I'll probably wake up one day, in 30, 40 years, and he'll be dead next to me. Knowing myself, I'll never be in another relationship ever again and I'll probably die alone, eaten by my cats. I know the end of my life won't be as easy as it is know, and the thought of living without him brings so much suffering. But you know what ? We decided to live for today. If I can have 30 years of hapiness, that will be worth it.

 

[Masquerader]

How do we parse relationships into sincere and insincere? What standards do we apply? What role does age play in this judgement?

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Again, I agree that it's not that simple. A relationship between two consenting adults can always be fine and healthy. But when there's a huge age gap, coercion can and often does play a factor into it, in the form of monetary subtle bribery, manipulation of a more 'innocent' younger party less able to see the signs, greater potential for abusive manipulation, etc. Again, it helps no-one to be reductive, this shit can and does happen between adults of a closer age. But it IS easier to happen with an older person being the more 'domineering' of the two, seeing as they tend to have experience and cash. My problem is that people just assume that all massive relationship gaps are inherently awful, instead of judging them on a case-by-case basis, effectively judging a relationship before they even know the basics of it.

 

[Deleted member 4452]

If a relationship has to be defended with "s/he's more mature than her/his age," then yeah I'll judge.

 

[Siggy-P]

My problem is that people just assume that all massive relationship gaps are inherently awful, instead of judging them on a case-by-case basis, effectively judging a relationship before they even know the basics of it.

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Oh we're not. The issue is the aggression of the posters insistence that we should shut up in all cases because its legal, and has further been expanded by their voluntarily specific views on people that age.


I don't see what anyone in that age gap could see in that sort of relationship. Doesn't mean something isn't there. But given the way LL Decitrigg has described people that age, and people I've known in this sort of relationships, I'm always gonna default to the side eye unless proven otherwise.

 

[Messofanego]

Now why do I get the impression you think you've made some telling point by randomly juxtaposing two sentences?

If you've been following the thread, you'll know that I'm in a relationship with a somewhat older person. The premise of this thread was that some people think even a minuscule age gap was quite unsuitable, and my point is that much larger age gaps, while not commonplace, are not unknown. It's pretty hard to argue with such inconvenient facts, and frankly I find it very strange that anybody would want to. Perhaps there's a tendency to find the idea of older people having sexual feelings rather cringeworthy. This is simple ageism and bears no relation to reality. If two adults form a consensual relationship, it's not our business to say it's wrong.

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Yeah, been reading earlier in the thread about your insistence on legality and distracting comparisons like gay marriage and financial abuse. It's just even in context, when you say young people have beautiful bodies and how you romanticise yourself as what your partner might have thought of you when you were young is just weird. So you're back to using your personal anecdotes of your own May-December relationships against people who generally feel weirded out by big age gaps in relationships and ignoring that people aren't arguing absolutely against it. Also ignoring mental development disparity that becomes between different ages, especially when in teens. It's nothing about your strawmans of alleged ageism. Happy that your relationships turned out fine, but acknowledge the discomfort others might have.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Again, I agree that it's not that simple. A relationship between two consenting adults can always be fine and healthy. But when there's a huge age gap, coercion can and often does play a factor into it, in the form of monetary subtle bribery, manipulation of a more 'innocent' younger party less able to see the signs, greater potential for abusive manipulation, etc. Again, it helps no-one to be reductive, this shit can and does happen between adults of a closer age. But it IS easier to happen with an older person being the more 'domineering' of the two, seeing as they tend to have experience and cash. My problem is that people just assume that all massive relationship gaps are inherently awful, instead of judging them on a case-by-case basis, effectively judging a relationship before they even know the basics of it.

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Income gaps and other money gaps are fairly common, I suspect. My wife never had much earning potential compared to me. She's the much older one for what it's worth. I earned most of the money throughout our long marriage. We discuss all major spending and share all property in common. What potential for abuse do you see there? It's never been a source of friction in our long marriage, I must say.

 

[HeavenlyOne]

If a relationship has to be defended with "s/he's more mature than her/his age," then yeah I'll judge.

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Same, and if the words "it's legal" are ever spoken then I'm contacting the authorities. All the authorities.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Yeah, been reading earlier in the thread about your insistence on legality and distracting comparisons like gay marriage and financial abuse. It's just even in context, when you say young people have beautiful bodies and how you romanticise yourself as what your partner might have thought of you when you were young is just weird. So you're back to using your personal anecdotes of your own May-December relationships against people who generally feel weirded out by big age gaps in relationships and ignoring that people aren't arguing absolutely against it. Also ignoring mental development disparity that becomes between different ages, especially when in teens. It's nothing about your strawmans of alleged ageism. Happy that your relationships turned out fine, but acknowledge the discomfort others might have.

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Let's be plain on this at least: people feeling discomfort over age gaps between adults in consensual relationships is ageism. That's not a straw man.

It may seem weird to you that older people admire younger, stronger bodies, but to me this hardly seems to be a tendentious statement.

There have been attempts to pass off the mid-twenties as some magical point of "real" adulthood. The available evidence tells us that both men and women are mature in mental development by age 18. The fact that mental powers begin to decline after the mid-twenties is neither here nor there.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Same, and if the words "it's legal" are ever spoken then I'm contacting the authorities. All the authorities.

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The authorities will not thank you for wasting their time with your obsession over adult relationships. I hope you aren't a parent.

 

[Kyuuji]

Oh look, the self-absorbed 60+yo that likes to romanticize sex with teenagers — while dismissing concerns of abuse and talking about how beautiful young bodies are — is back to continue demanding no one show any amount of concern toward people 40+ seeking out relationships with teens.

 

[Deleted member 2226]

Let's be plain on this at least: people feeling discomfort over age gaps between adults in consensual relationships is ageism. That's not a straw man.

It may seem weird to you that older people admire younger, stronger bodies, but to me this hardly seems to be a tendentious statement.

There have been attempts to pass off the mid-twenties as some magical point of "real" adulthood. The available evidence tells us that both men and women are mature in mental development by age 18. The fact that mental powers begin to decline after the mid-twenties is neither here nor there.

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This is false.

Understanding the Teen Brain - Health Encyclopedia - University of Rochester Medical Center

www.urmc.rochester.edu

Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen Years

Under most laws, young people are recognized as adults at age 18. But emerging science about brain development suggests that most people don't reach full maturity until the age 25. Guest host Tony Cox discusses the research and its implications with Sandra Aamodt, neuroscientist and co-author of...

www.npr.org

Adolescent Maturity and the Brain: The Promise and Pitfalls of Neuroscience Research in Adolescent Health Policy

Longitudinal neuroimaging studies demonstrate that the adolescent brain continues to mature well into the 20s. This has prompted intense interest in linking neuromaturation to maturity of judgment. Public policy is struggling to keep up with burgeoning ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[HeavenlyOne]

The authorities will not thank you for wasting their time with your obsession over adult relationships. I hope you aren't a parent.

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It may seem weird to you that older people admire younger, stronger bodies

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No, the weird part is telling others you feel that way.

 

[Messofanego]

Let's be plain on this at least: people feeling discomfort over age gaps between adults in consensual relationships is ageism. That's not a straw man.

It may seem weird to you that older people admire younger, stronger bodies, but to me this hardly seems to be a tendentious statement.

There have been attempts to pass off the mid-twenties as some magical point of "real" adulthood. The available evidence tells us that both men and women are mature in mental development by age 18. The fact that mental powers begin to decline after the mid-twenties is neither here nor there.

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It's a strawman when you say people's actual issue is they don't like hearing/seeing older people having sexuality. I don't think that evidence that's available to you is up-to-date or based in science in relation to prefrontal cortex development or reward system activity levels, as already pointed out above. Not sure where you're pulling that "fact" about declining mental powers after mid-20s.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

This is false.

Understanding the Teen Brain - Health Encyclopedia - University of Rochester Medical Center

www.urmc.rochester.edu

Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen Years

Under most laws, young people are recognized as adults at age 18. But emerging science about brain development suggests that most people don't reach full maturity until the age 25. Guest host Tony Cox discusses the research and its implications with Sandra Aamodt, neuroscientist and co-author of...

www.npr.org

Adolescent Maturity and the Brain: The Promise and Pitfalls of Neuroscience Research in Adolescent Health Policy

Longitudinal neuroimaging studies demonstrate that the adolescent brain continues to mature well into the 20s. This has prompted intense interest in linking neuromaturation to maturity of judgment. Public policy is struggling to keep up with burgeoning ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

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I'll concede on that, as much of this research seems to be of recent provenance. So we're going to raise the age of consent into the twenties? Good luck with that. In practice we give adults full autonomy from age 18 or thereabouts.

No, the weird part is telling others you feel that way.

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Remember what I said about ageism. That's it right there. People like beautiful young healthy bodies. Older people don't slowly start getting turned on by wrinkled flesh and liver spots as they age. Now there's a lot more to sexual attraction than that, but the basis of physical attraction is constant.

I don't think that evidence that's available to you is up-to-date or based in science in relation to prefrontal cortex development or reward system activity levels, as already pointed out above. Not sure where you're pulling that "fact" about declining mental powers after mid-20s.

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On mental powers, there's a peak in the mid-twenties followed by a slow decline which hastens year by year. This isn't contentious. It's what gives younger mathematicians their edge. There is a very long, slow decline in basic mental power from the mid-twenties. As a person who used to delight in holding extremely long numbers in my short term memory to entertain friends, it has not been a pleasant farewell. In my sixties now I can quite easily forget a ten digit phone number read out to me unless I make an immediate effort to commit it to memory.

 

[Scarlet Spider]

Back when I was 19 I had a short fling with a 35 year old woman, is that truly creepy like people here say it is? I found it exciting at the time.

 

[Sword Familiar]

I think a smaller age gap isn't a problem as long as both are adults. When talking about maturity and the notion that you're not fully developed at the age of 18, I think most people realize this, but you have to draw the line somewhere and be able to trust that person and also let them make their own mistakes (and hopefully learn from them). I also don't think everyone who is older than their SO had some kind of ulterior motive in dating them.

 

[HiredN00bs]

While there are legitimate ethical concerns about older people manipulating younger people (or other similar imbalances in power like boss/employee, teacher/student), I find the "creepiness" comment the most off-putting. Be clear and specific. If you think it's the former, make your case, because otherwise, you're essentially kink-shaming. I don't give a fuck if you think feet or bondage or diapers or furries are weird, that's not a valid moral argument.

 

[Kyuuji]

It isn't ageism you fucking dullard because the issue isn't the age, it's the inherent things that come as a consequence of age when met against someone who's only just turned an adult. It's been repeated ad nauseam that the dynamic doesn't necessitate abuse, but is more susceptible to it. The issue isn't someone disliking the idea of older people finding younger people attractive.

You've gone for homophobia, then misogyny, then racism, now ageism. All thrown at people as being the actual reason they dislike people 40+ chasing teenagers for relationships.

This tactic of reframing the argument to something completely different is tired. Your perspective and views on things are dangerous. Your compulsion to spend ten pages demanding no one find the dynamic suspicious at all, ever, is fucking suspect. Not your thought that young people can be attractive.

 

[blackhawk163]

Whoa, that thread was a ride !

I'm 33, my boyfriend (and soon-to-be husband) is 52. We've met 13 years ago and we're a happy couple since then.
I didn't think much of the age gap when we first met. I just thought he was hot, funny and intelligent. Also I was 20, I was horny af.
He had spent 15 years in an abusive relationship and it was recently over. He just wanted to meet new people and try new stuff.
We clicked quite quickly and it has been nothing but happiness since then. He has the maturity and rigor I need and I bring new things to the table. I truly think my life would have changed for the worst if I hadn't met him.

Now, a 19 years age gap... A lot of people are telling me to worry about the future and I know that. I know I'll probably wake up one day, in 30, 40 years, and he'll be dead next to me. Knowing myself, I'll never be in another relationship ever again and I'll probably die alone, eaten by my cats. I know the end of my life won't be as easy as it is know, and the thought of living without him brings so much suffering. But you know what ? We decided to live for today. If I can have 30 years of hapiness, that will be worth it.

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I love this post. You're awesome

 

[LL_Decitrig]

I also don't think everyone who is older than their SO had some kind of ulterior motive in dating them.

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I just can't imagine it. "Oh that young guy really fancies me, but I'm repelled by his beautiful young body and his quick wit. His sexual vigour is just so tedious when all I want to do is get a cup of Horlicks and nestle in bed with the cat and a good book. But you know, I think I'll date him anyway, because <insert ulterior motive here.>"

It's as if only older people appreciate the attractions of a youthful partner.

 

[Kyuuji]

I just can't imagine it. "Oh that young guy really fancies me, but I'm repelled by his beautiful young body and his quick wit. His sexual vigour is just so tedious when all I want to do is get a cup of Horlicks and nestle in bed with the cat and a good book. But you know, I think I'll date him anyway, because <insert ulterior motive here.>"

It's as if only older people appreciate the attractions of a youthful partner.

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Impressive. Your most incoherent assortment of words yet.

 

[Siggy-P]

I find the "creepiness" comment the most off-putting. Be clear and specific. If you think it's the former, make your case, because otherwise, you're essentially kink-shaming.

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The poster in question has expressed a disdain on other threads for the culture of gen z's, that he's defending the cocnept of 60+ targeting 16 for their bodies and specifically focusing only on weird descriptions of the bodies of people litteraly still in highschool so aggresively is what's leading to negative assumptions. The language he used to describe those bodies is what's pushed it into creepy.

"Young people are vigorous lovers" and "beautiful bodies" is pretty high on the list of things that are gonna get a "yikes"

 

[HiredN00bs]

The poster in question has expressed a disdain on other threads for the culture of gen z's, that he's defending the cocnept of 60+ targeting 16 for their bodies and specifically focusing only on weird descriptions of the bodies of people litteraly still in highschool so aggresively is what's leading to negative assumptions. The language he used to describe those bodies is what's pushed it into creepy.

"Young people are vigorous lovers" and "beautiful bodies" is pretty high on the list of things that are gonna get a "yikes"

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I wasn't talking about a particular poster, I was speaking generally, and you snipped my already concise post to remove context and content.

If someone who is attracted to older people and someone who is attracted to younger people decide to have a relationship, for whatever reasons, and there is not a legitimate concern about power imbalance, nobody should give a fuck about what gets a "yikes" from you or anybody else.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

"Young people are vigorous lovers" and "beautiful bodies" is pretty high on the list of things that are gonna get a "yikes"

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Why? Are these contentious statements? You realise that I was once young, beautiful and vigorous? I know these attributes were appreciated greatly by those I had sex with. Is it simply that you're uncomfortable with the idea of people who are young and strong hooking up with wizened crones and wrinklies? That's your problem.

 

[Siggy-P]

I wasn't talking about a particular poster, I was speaking generally, and you snipped my already concise post to remove context and content.

If someone who is attracted to older people and someone who is attracted to younger people decide to have a relationship, for whatever reasons, and there is not a legitimate concern about power imbalance, nobody should give a fuck about what gets a "yikes" from you or anybody else.

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I mean I don't disagree with the rest of your post and felt no need to address it.

I mention a particular poster because thats who the comments you took issue with are aimed at.

 

[F4raday]

Has this been posted yet? Nvm, it's never wrong to post xkcd.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

I mention a particular poster because thats who the comments you took issue with are aimed at.

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I stopped following your posts a while back but on noticing that you're still attacking me I've taken you off my ignore list for an hour or two. If you're going to traipse after a fellow poster piling ashes upon their head, you might want to be careful about using the word "creepy."

And now back to my ignore list.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Has this been posted yet? Nvm, it's never wrong to post xkcd.

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I'll never trust xkcd since that time I changed my password to the supposedly secure "correct horse battery staple" and was thereupon promptly hacked. /S

Randall Monroe used to follow the Wikipedia IRC channels long ago so I'm vaguely familiar him as an online person. He's just a year older than our eldest. Mrs Decitrig is a wonderful woman, but waving a daft formula at her to tell her she's creepy isn't a good way to curry favour with her.

 

[Kyuuji]

Mrs Decitrig is a wonderful woman, but waving a daft formula at her to tell her she's creepy isn't a good way to curry favour with her.

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As far as you've posted before she's in her 70s and you're in your 60s so I fail to see, outside of this repeat need to make everything about you, how it's applicable.

 

[RedMercury]

Why? Does it make a difference if the 18-year-old wants to fuck a 60-year-old?

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Crazy this is still going on after this

 

[Deleted member 48897]

Impressive. Your most incoherent assortment of words yet.

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It's like I'm catching a glimpse of an alternate reality in which people are repulsed by pretty people of the same age

 

[Kyuuji]

Since it's been implied more than once the real issue people have is with women having agency, this thought process isn't exclusive to people that aren't women.

The idea that as soon as you're 18 you're 1:1 with an adult who's been one for 20+ years is complete nonsense, and when used with "but the law says" as a means to hand-wave concerns over much older adults chasing relationships with teens, it's dangerous.

As soon as we get a hint that the girl is aware of her sexuality, we so often perceive her as having the wisdom and authority of a grown woman too; as if the minute you notice you have breasts, you become magically impervious to manipulation.

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https://medium.com/@overtake/age-gap-relationships-involving-teenagers-are-gross-d3c951ce57d0

Let me introduce you to a 17-year-old girl. She's gorgeous. She's both girly and womanly – hanging on to the cute pinks of childhood, but the cuts of a much older woman. She lounges around in a bikini, even though she's nowhere near the beach. She's a daddy's girl, and she's spoiled because she has the magical ability to get the men in her life to give her absolutely anything she wants.

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She seems somehow much older than her years: she's wise, worldly and emotionally intelligent – which also makes her manipulative. She dates much, much older men, but she has all the power.

Click to shrink...

This girl doesn't exist. She's a stereotype dreamt up by men – hovering somewhere between sexual fantasy and misogynist anxiety – the honey trap of your dreams, or maybe your nightmares. It's a stereotype that has been legitimised and deconstructed throughout history

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https://www.newstatesman.com/cultur...oe-moretz-i-love-you-daddy-sexist-stereotypes

——

It's like I'm catching a glimpse of an alternate reality in which people are repulsed by pretty people of the same age

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I'd say they're in cloud cuckoo land if I didn't think they knew exactly what they were doing.

 

[Baji Boxer]

Let's be plain on this at least: people feeling discomfort over age gaps between adults in consensual relationships is ageism. That's not a straw man.

It may seem weird to you that older people admire younger, stronger bodies, but to me this hardly seems to be a tendentious statement.

There have been attempts to pass off the mid-twenties as some magical point of "real" adulthood. The available evidence tells us that both men and women are mature in mental development by age 18. The fact that mental powers begin to decline after the mid-twenties is neither here nor there.

Click to shrink...

Available evidence puts full brain maturity in the mid 20's.

An interview with a neuroscientist:

COX: Is this idea that the brains of 18 year olds aren't fully developed a matter of settled science?

AAMODT: Yes. The car rental companies got to it first, but neuroscientists have caught up and brain scans show clearly that the brain is not fully finished developing until about age 25.

COX: To not be too clinical in the spin that we put on this, what parts of the brain are we talking about and what changes happen between the ages of 18 and, let's say, 25?

AAMODT: So the changes that happen between 18 and 25 are a continuation of the process that starts around puberty, and 18 year olds are about halfway through that process. Their prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed. That's the part of the brain that helps you to inhibit impulses and to plan and organize your behavior to reach a goal.

And the other part of the brain that is different in adolescence is that the brain's reward system becomes highly active right around the time of puberty and then gradually goes back to an adult level, which it reaches around age 25 and that makes adolescents and young adults more interested in entering uncertain situations to seek out and try to find whether there might be a possibility of gaining something from those situations.

COX: So this is important. Are the physiological changes in the brain, in terms of the development of young people, as significant and impactful as the cultural changes and environmental changes that they go through vis-a-vis peer pressure things of that sort?

AAMODT: Well, actually, one of the side effects of these changes in the reward system is that adolescents and young adults become much more sensitive to peer pressure than they were earlier or will be as adults.

So, for instance, a 20 year old is 50 percent more likely to do something risky if two friends are watching than if he's alone.

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https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Available evidence puts full brain maturity in the mid 20's.

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I don't think this is as world-shattering as you think it is. Adults aren't going to stop shagging one another because somebody decided they're not mature enough.

In fact I think it's reasonable to assume that quite a large proportion of people on Era are under 24. Would you like to hold a straw poll on whether they'd accept a ban on sex?

 

[Baji Boxer]

I don't think this is as world-shattering as you think it is. Adults aren't going to stop shagging one another because somebody decided they're not mature enough.

In fact I think it's reasonable to assume that quite a large proportion of people on Era are under 24. Would you like to hold a straw poll on whether they'd accept a ban on sex?

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I was just pointing out the false information in your post.

Edit: And I didn't think it was Earth shattering. It has been known scientifically for several years now, you just didn't seem to be aware.

 

[pillowtalk]

This thread is weird. Are we still allowed to watch porn with 18-21 year old actors/actresses or what.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

I was just pointing out the false information in your post.

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It does appear that recent neuroscience has produced remarkable new thinking on this issue.

I'm still of the opinion that adults should not be artificially hobbled on the bizarre premise that they're not fit to be out on their own until they've completed an entire quarter century of life. Infantilizing grown-ups isn't a good way forward.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

This thread is weird. Are we still allowed to watch porn with 18-21 year old actors/actresses or what.

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Depends, I think. Definitely not if there's an R In the month. Other times of year it's probably best to consult the magic 8-ball first.

 

[Opto]

Some of y'all watch "Meet Your Second Wife" and think everything is fine.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

Some of y'all watch "Meet Your Second Wife" and think everything is fine.

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I'd never seen this before. SNL isn't really a thing on British television.



I've discussed this aspect of the age gap with my wife once or twice. We grew up not too far apart but if she had met me in the early seventies when we were both in the same vicinity we wouldn't have got to the "I like horses" level. I was 15, she was 25. A few years later when we did meet, things clicked. Neither of us had been married before. We just bonded so easily.

 

[Baji Boxer]

This thread is weird. Are we still allowed to watch porn with 18-21 year old actors/actresses or what.

Click to shrink...

Porn has bigger problems.

 

[CoolOff]

I'm curious, if more scrutiny should be put on potentially predatory relationships involving an 18 to "whenever the person is fully developed in their mid 20s" old and someone 5+ years older, should similar checks be put in place on other not illegal but potentially bad decisions these young people might make? Should institutions offering student loans and mortgages be checked for predatory behaviour towards this age group? I'm not trying to create an equivalency here, but rather find out which areas of a 19 year olds life they are allowed to have full control over?

If the counterargument is that you are only vilifying the older party, I'd still argue that that is in effect reflecting on the younger party and invalidating what they feel they get from the relationship.

I mean, I'd probably also wonder what the 18 year old is getting out of being together with a 60 year old, but to immediately side-eye any relationship falling outside the "half your age plus seven" category or whatever seems like a strange position to take if both parties are legally adults.

 

[Siggy-P]

I'm curious, if more scrutiny should be put on potentially predatory relationships involving an 18 to "whenever the person is fully developed in their mid 20s" old and someone 5+ years older, should similar checks be put in place on other not illegal but potentially bad decisions these young people might make? Should institutions offering student loans and mortgages be checked for predatory behaviour towards this age group? I'm not trying to create an equivalency here, but rather find out which areas of a 19 year olds life they are allowed to have full control over?

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Well drinking law is set at 21 in the US because brains aren't fully developed at 18, which was only set as the age of consent because that was the voting age when deciding at the time.

I don't think the age of consent should be raised to 21, but perhaps until 21 there should be more scrutiny put on who can date someone younger than that. Vox suggested giving teens an ability to "assent" which I don't think is a particularly good idea but I think adding some sort of law for dating people between 18 and 21 or whatever is worth considering (not ban it but make it more strict/scrutinised possibly).

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vo.../age-consent-teenage-psychology-law-roy-moore

I mean, I'd probably also wonder what the 18 year old is getting out of being together with a 60 year old, but to immediately side-eye any relationship falling outside the "half your age plus seven" category or whatever seems like a strange position to take if both parties are legally adults.

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In real life the reaction people are gonna have to an 18 year old getting with a 60 year old is gonna be far harsher and more judgemental than anything I or anyone else in this thread has said.

 

[LL_Decitrig]

I'm curious, if more scrutiny should be put on potentially predatory relationships involving an 18 to "whenever the person is fully developed in their mid 20s" old and someone 5+ years older, should similar checks be put in place on other not illegal but potentially bad decisions these young people might make? Should institutions offering student loans and mortgages be checked for predatory behaviour towards this age group? I'm not trying to create an equivalency here, but rather find out which areas of a 19 year olds life they are allowed to have full control over?

If the counterargument is that you are only vilifying the older party, I'd still argue that that is in effect reflecting on the younger party and invalidating what they feel they get from the relationship.

I mean, I'd probably also wonder what the 18 year old is getting out of being together with a 60 year old, but to immediately side-eye any relationship falling outside the "half your age plus seven" category or whatever seems like a strange position to take if both parties are legally adults.

Click to shrink...

Has anybody come up with a credible "predatory" scenario in which a forty-year-old dates another much younger adult? I presume were not talking about dating within a power relationship such as teacher or boss. Say I'm a first year undergraduate reading history and I date a forty-year-old football coach. How is this a potential red flag? Should we need to register our partnership with the authorities, as some have intimated?

I don't think vilifying either party is justifiable. It just strikes me as an exceptionally weird idea.