12. Super Robin Hood (Evercade) - Another Oliver Twins game, this time not staring a walking, talking egg. As the name implies its based on the legend of Robin Hood, with the game tasking you to collect all the treasure in Nottingham castle and saving Maid Marian... So standard paper thin 80s game plot.
The game itself is hard. Like, legit hard. If Mega Man or Ninja Gaiden or Contra is "NES Hard", this is "UK NES Hard", because Im strongly starting to believe UK game devs were insane during the 80s because there's some crazy shit required to finish this game! I personally used save states to "checkpoint" the start of every room or so. This was because there's no continues and extra lives are only given if you keep collecting more health, so really unless your really great at the game, you'll crash and burn. FAST.
The game itself is your standard platforming fare. Collect keys to open new areas or activate moving platforms, grab the treasure for the proper ending (dont worry, its right in front of you, you dont have to go out of your way to get it), while evading the various tricks and traps of the castle. The game is structured so that your progressing through one room collecting keys, until you find a platform or locked area which means you gotta head into a different area, get the key there to open the other obstacle, then progress. Thankfully the backtracking is never more than a few steps (you wont be backtracking half the castle for example), so you dont really get lost - usually you'll find a room with one or two ladders, explore those rooms, then go back to the room that had the ladders to progress further once the way is opened up.
What makes all this difficult are the obstacles. And your inability to shoot very well. There are basically three enemies in the game - bats (bastards to hit, as with any NES flying creature), little... things? that walk left to right and cant be shot (below your line of fire) so you can only jump over them, and enemy archers who shoot at you - sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes fast, sometimes slow... The archers will be the bane of your existence especially if they are placed and paced in a specific way - for example if you have one on your level, far away, they'll shoot at you, so you need to make it toward them, slowly, as you evade their shots. Its ok if its stuff you can duck but some you'll need to jump, which requires more precision. And if they are firing several shots in quick succession... well good luck. But the real bastards are the ones above you. Because you a) shoot slow, and b) dont fire the second you press the fire button. See, Robin pulls back the bow and releases to fire the arrow - so there is a delay in firing - so when dealing with certain enemies you have to time your movements in a certain order to take into account the delay. And its bloody annoying. If an enemy is just above you, you basically have to press fire, THEN jump to shoot the arrow in mid air, else your firing on your way down, too low to hit the enemy. And then you have the ones that need springs to hit them... its a chore.
The game itself is actually kinda fun otherwise. Controls are really solid for moving, so the platforming is absolutely solid (no Dizzy rolling to fuck you up here). And evading anything aside arrow flurries is a piece of cake. Its just a shame that the incredibly high difficulty makes playing the game legit a complete nightmare to consider. Respect to anyone speed running this game, I cant even fathom clearing this one with just the paultry number of lives (no continues!), which is why save states are so welcome. The funny thing is, I might have been harsher on the difficulty had I not played the next game right after, as it really puts things into perspective - a good game that's hard can be really fun, but a bad game... well read below
13. Final Fight (Amstrad) - Unplayable fucking garbage. Im legit amazed that those grifters US Gold dared to put this shit out, actually... I read up on their history, Im not surprised, they just dont give a fuck.
So Final Fight... legendary Capcom game - set in Metro City, Mike Haggar and co. beats up a bunch of goons to get his daughter back. Still a paper thin 80s game plot. But hey the game rocks and Im not exactly play a Final Fight game for the plot. Its set across 6 levels, getting longer and harder as they go, you fight against hordes of dangerous goons before facing off against badass bosses, and eventually kick the boss of Mad Gear out of a window, which really doesnt stop him (he will return as a Cyborg and Zombie in later games lol). But all in all, its a game that takes around 20ish minutes to complete, its amazing fun while it lasts, its tough, but I learn a little more with every run. I hold this game in incredibly high regard.
So that makes it all the more painful when I play a port so bad my only lasting thought is if Id rate this as 1 or 2/10 lol. Its legit so bad that the game is borderline broken, only avoiding a 0% rating because a) its technically completeable, and the controls sorta work so it is, by technical definition, playable. Barely. Oh, and the graphics are actually rather nice.
I dont have a history with the Amstrad, I was always a Spectrum person growing up, and Im mainly playing the Amstrad port because I cant for the life of me get my Spectrum Final Fight to work (even via emulation), but I did play it once, and honestly the only difference here is the game being in colour, so I reckon the rest of my teardown should be valid.
First the only good part - the graphics. The sprites actually bare quite a resembulance to the arcade game. The sprites are big, and colourful. So the game looks the part. In screenshots.
The game falls apart the moment the game begins and puts you in control of whoever you choose (from Haggar, Guy and Cody). Why yes! All three characters are included! Take that Super Nintendo!
The game runs at around... 10-20FPS I think. I cant tell for sure, but the game is so insanely slow, it literally runs in slow motion. Obviously animation has been decimated, adding to the awful feel/movement of the game. As you drag yourself across the screen, your first enemies show up to fight. And... oh no... the collision detection is broken. The act of simply hitting someone, the ONE thing they need to get to work in order for this to be remotely playable, is broken. Hitting someone is almost impossible. Most attacks go through people, the enemies (only two at a time mind you) instantly swarm you and end up on top of your sprite, and movement is so slow and cumbersome that being able to move, realign yourself, and then hit them is basically impossible.
So about 10 seconds into the game (ignoring tape load times) any rational person realises that this game is absolute unplayable garbage. And yet I continued... mainly thanks to infinite lives. But why? Well as mentioned above, it had all the characters unlike the SNES version, and Im playing every Capcom game AND port ever made, so it needs to be done! Old 80s computer ports also never have ALL the content of the arcade games, so this one is just 3 levels long.... right? RIGHT?
No, somehow, despite better games like Ghosts n Goblins being only a couple of stages long (with no second loop), this POS somehow limps through every FF level in the arcade game. Rolento included. And it gets worse and worse as you go. Like, I cant help but wonder who managed to finish this legit...
So the big problem with the game are the big enemies. Andore and Bill Bull, gorgeous sprites aside, have so much health that it takes minutes to defeat each one. You know that timer that arcade games have that never runs down because its really just a way to keep players from idling? Well here it WILL run out several times because its impossible to hit anyone, making every fight painfully dragged out.
And lastly, almost to add insult to injury, there are only around 6-8 enemies in a "part" of a level. Each level has around 3 parts then the boss. For example, the cut Rolento level (stage 4) from the arcade has you fight through a factory/refineary area, then up an lift with Rolento waiting for you at the top. The game breaks this up into the first part of the factory (with the fire pillars), the second bit being the factory section straight after, then the lift, then Rolento's fight on the lift. But remember - only around 6-8 enemies per part. What you get is 4 enemies, beat them all up, then walk... for 10-20 seconds with NOTHING happening. Only to reach the end of the area where a couple more enemies show up. Then onto the next one. This is even more hilarious in stage 5 (which is pretty long in the arcade), and in this port it feels like you walk the length of the level, but only fighting maybe 5% of the enemies you'd face (if that) in the level. Like... the levels didnt need to be this long, its pointless and actually makes those timer issues worse, as you waste a good portion of time hold right on your joystick for many seconds at a time...
By the time I finished the game Id kinda checked out... Level 5 goes on way too long with no actual Abigail boss fight. But with Andore instead (ok, one was clearly a sprite swap/tweak of the other, Ill allow it).
But level 6... fuck me this was fucking shite. Full disclosure - I dont like this level on any version. In my opinion its overly long and boring - it goes on way too long, lacks health pick ups for most of the stage, and I dont really enjoy fighting the final boss either. It makes the console ports more annoying with limited credits, as it can wear me down and end a run... its annoying enough if Im playing the excellent Mega CD port, let alone the fine SNES port, but this one? They actually did the moronic move and NOT shrink the stage down. You really do go through several areas of a couple of enemies per area, plod along painfully slowly, just hoping the next area is the last lol. Funny thing is, at one time I accidentally broke the game and it swapped me to Haggar - turns out he actually gets grab attacks (the only one to do so, I think?) and it makes things easier as they are insanely damaging. So that was nice. Still shit, but slightly less shit.
Anyway, you reach the end boss... and hilariously enough he's a complete pushover - I never actually saw him do his "shoot arrows" move, but he got a grenade throw copy pasted from Rolento only it really sucks (like Rolento in this game, who hurts himself more with grenades than you!). I ended up beating Belger without really taking any damage. Kinda wild considering the rest of the game is a living nightmare, while this fight is the complete opposite. Maybe the poor devs (who were no doubt forced by USG to crunch to finish the game in a couple of months) just gave up. I know I was ready to give up lol.
Absolutely without a doubt one of the worst games Ive ever played. I complained about Gargoyles last year (I mean, that game still sucks) but even that was better than this... which is a terrifying realisation. Fun fact, USG also released Street Fighter 2 on these 8 bit computers, and Ill absolutely be playing that as well at some point this year!
14. Strider (ZX Spectrum) - Thankfully after playing through Final Fight, my next post will be a positive one lol. Strider manages to avoid the porting curse and actually play half decent. Now granted there are concessions, but you know concessions are fine if it means the game doesnt play like Final Fight <shudder>
The game starts off with the iconic hand glider opening and Hiryu landing on the rooftop ready to slice and dice. The game runs fairly fast paced - which is promising. The game also has fairly ok collision detection, though sometimes it feels like my reach is extended beyond the Cypher's hitbox, but Im honestly not gonna complain about that as its not hindering me.
Due to the fast pace, its best to hold the fire button down. As in the arcade version enemies are lemmings and will run aimlessly toward you, so you always wanna be going on the offensive. Your power up list is reduced to just health and one option, but thankfully said option is incredibly useful and behaves as it does in the arcade, so here's to even better range and damage.
The first level is fairly "accurate" to the arcade, I mean within hardware constraints. The various midbosses are present and you still climb up walls etc. as in the arcade. The big creature made up of the various dudes is also present as the boss, though his attack pattern is dumbed down.
Stage 2 is mainly a fairly decent take on the arcade. Though the awesome "run down the mountain" moment doesnt really work and Solo is cut completely (nooooooooooooooo), but Metal Kong is still here, so that's good news!
Stage 3 is actually arcade stage 4 (the amazon) and its a condensed version of the arcade stage but it still manages to tick most of the boxes. The problem is, at the end of the stage, the game blends the sprites into the backdrop too much and you really cant see shit. The boss (huge robo dino) is missing, you just defeat 3 smaller dinos instead. Stage 4 is stage 3, but again its lesser because the whole anti grav gimmick is cut, as is the final leap onto the whip dudes small ship thing. Whip dude is waiting for you under the anti grav boss (the thing that moves around in the huge room). Only now its completely stationary, completely eliminating any threat it once was.
And stage 5 is basically half assed. The upside down platforming is cut, the anti grav boss returns again as it did before, and its still lame, and at the bottom of that area, you have the boss... no not the Grandmaster, just Robo Kong again because he was technically a penultimate boss in the arcade version...
Then the game just... ends.
The game's main weakness is being cutdown. Knowing Strider fairly well, its easy to see where stuff is missing or cut back, but I still have to applaud the game and give it credit for handling well, playing well, and having fairly decent graphics (for the system). Its far from the perfect port but I feel the devs were smart on the cuts for the most part, giving players a surprisingly fair game, and one that feels like the game its based on.
Currently Playing
The Crew - Still slowly plodding through the story and getting destracted with towns and challenges!
Spider-Man 2 (NGAGE) - Yes, an NGAGE game. And... I actually like it! I reckon I'll have this one done in a day or two, its strangely far from the worst handheld Spidey game Ive played.
Original Post:
Reserving post. May Yakuza 8 not harm my ability to finish too many games lol. 1. The King's Bird (PS4) 2. River City Rampage (Evercade) 3. Double Dragon 2 (Evercade) 4. Treasure Island Dizzy (Evercade) 5. Wonderland Dizzy (Evercade) 6. Mystery World Dizzy (Evercade) 7. Dizzy the Adventurer...
www.resetera.com
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