• Introducing Image Options for ResetEra 2.0! Check the left side navigation bar to show or hide images, avatars, covers, and embedded media. More details at the link.
  • Community Spotlight sign-ups are open once again for both Gaming and EtcetEra Hangout threads! If you want to shine a spotlight on your community, please register now.

Console modder cdgexe permanently banned from GDQ after sexual harassment allegations

Oct 26, 2017
1,978
Germany
People like you keep being up his “right” to kick her out as if anybody is trying to make the case that this was illegal or something.

Yes, he had the “right” to kick her out. So fucking what? Just because you have the “right” to do something, that doesn’t mean it isn’t morally reprehensible.

Stop focusing so much on legality. Oh, and also stop criticising women for daring to speak out whilst you’re at it. If he didn’t deserve to get banned for life over this, the actual people with the power to do that (which was not this woman) would not have done so.
Fair enough. If his side wasn't heard at all I'm not sure that's right before handing out a lifetime ban with no appeal on GDQ's side (the woman is obviously not at fault for speaking out). But needless to say it doesn't really matter because the guy just revealed himself as a piece of shit, so he deserves it either way
 
Oct 30, 2017
433
Canada
The point of consent is that if at any time he/ she says “no”, you stop. Full stop. Not cuddling or ‘just the tip’ or anything else until boundaries are discussed and redefined and agreed upon by two consenting adults. I don’t know why this is so hard for some people to grasp.

The rest of his behaviour and the leaking of private conversations does the opposite of exonerating him.
 
Nov 20, 2017
31
No one should ever take up an offer that puts them in such a disadvantage as to possibly be pressured like that. Even if it's a longtime friend or family member there can always be an ulterior motive and if you don't have the means to extract yourself wholly from the situation then you should never put yourself in it in the first place. I've been her, it can be so tough to "give up an opportunity" for an event like that, glad she changed her mind and hopefully makes it home safe.

He has a lot to learn - I don't think he's evil but he's clearly not understanding the dynamic that he created. I hope he learns and doesn't hold onto this feeling of being betrayed and used (he wasn't, he held everything in his power but "the choice") because like anyone he has the potential to be better.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,157
Canary Islands, Spain
Leaving someone stranded is a bad move and going into something with expectations of sex is just wrong.... but this power dynamics thing you mention is exactly the reason you shouldn’t let someone who is not really close to you (or your employer paying for a business trip) pay your trip and stay.

With that said - punishing someone for changing their mind about sex is just a dick move. Still, I’m not a fan of her decision making process either.
BoTh SiDeS aRe WrOnG
 
Oct 30, 2017
327
The conversation was actually very bad.

You have to keep in mind the wider context.

The entire situation began with him offering her no strings plane tickets and accomodation to an event she is obviously not capable of attending on her own means. They don't seem to be anything but passing acquaintances (maybe not even that) prior to this convo.

So either this guy is incredibly generous or he has ulterior motives.

The way events have unfolded would suggest that he had ulterior motives. The convo he posted absolutely indicates that he wanted to get laid. He kept escalating the situation from, let's share a room until he ended up in "hey how do you feel about bondage territory".

Now obviously, she was going along with some of it but the initial power dynamics are already screwed. She can't attend without his charity, her ability to move around once there is dependent on him and her reliance on him makes it difficult for her to say no.

I don't honestly believe he was doing this as part of some malicious plan. If he did, he wouldn't have posted the chat logs showing how skeezy his actions are. The sad truth is, he just doesn't recognise that what he does is wrong. The same goes for loads of other people who are rushing to defend him.

The fact remains however, that this guy was manipulating a woman into a situation to encourage her to have sex, when she backed out he threw her out of the room and threatened to strand her miles from home.

All of this is bad. Don't excuse the conversation because it gives ammo to the "well she was into over DMs" crowd. If anything the conversation is the most damning part. We don't know what happened in the room but his intentions are laid bare in those messages.
Maybe I didn't word it correctly, but I completely agree with everything you just wrote :)
 
Oct 26, 2017
8,407
Madrid
I mean the guy is not coming off well at all, but if he is the one paying for her room he can decide at any moment to stop doing so.
Are you a lawyer? I'm not, but my intuition is that if there was a verbal agreement that she would stay in the hotel room, this would be eviction, which is probably not as clear cut as you're making it out to be. This is without even taking into account the obvious abuse of power in order to coerce her into sex, which seems to fit the definition of sexual harassment to a tee.

I could be completely wrong, but the point is, unless you're a lawyer, neither of us should be making categorical affirmations as to what he can or can't legally do.
 
Oct 28, 2017
160
Kakariko
ok yeah. as soon as she mentions the possibility of DTF he starts grooming her that way IMMEDIATELY. Jesus christ.
Come on, he already started grooming her with his claim that he can't sleep alone. She just clarifies that it would be strictly physical if they were to hook up.

He cancelled the ticked long after she presumably said no. I don’t imagine he threatened her on the spot, at least.

Scumbag behavior to post it online, but I wouldn’t call it sexual harrasment for that reason. Still not sure what the guy did though, op was very confusing.
He posted it himself: The threat was that she either shares his bed or gets kicked out of their room. It's blackmail. IMHO this is enough to warrant him getting banned for sexual harassment.
 
Oct 27, 2017
644
He deleted some of the screenshots. It got so far in that converstation that he convinced her to sex.
Which she declined at the hotel (that plus the cuddleing and sleeping in one bed) so he threw her out of the hotel room and threatened to cancel her plane ticket back home
Thank you for clarifying. I don't think there's enough here to call this sexual harassment to be honest. The guy is an absolute asshole for sure but there's a difference between being an asshole and sexually harassing someone. Threatening to cancel the ticket back home is pretty terrible but it seems this happened after she left the hotel and after he was banned. It seems it was done out of spite rather than as a means to get her back, situation was already fubar at that point. If he threatened to cancel the ticket while they were still together as a means to get her to stay with him then yes, I would agree that could constitute sexual coercion.


Kicking someone out of a hotel room because they wont sleep with you is literally sexual harassment. There is no other interpretation.
And it doesn't matter if she initiated everything. The moment she said no that was it. And he reacted by kicking her out of a shared hotel room.
I get your point but I don't see things in such a black/white manner. If I meet a girl and she agrees to come to my appartment for sex and then decides she doesn't want to after all, am I obligated to let her stay?. Obviously the polite thing to do would be to offer her to stay in separate rooms or I can sleep in the couch or w/e but am I sexually harassing her if I ask her to leave?

I understand the dynamics on my example are different, but to which extent are you responsible for another adult in a situation like this? Again, not saying the guy is not an asshole. This could've been resolved in any other number of ways, but like I said above, being an asshole is not the same as sexual harassment. They are on completely different levels.
 
I certainly hope that he takes a good look in the mirror after this. He is clearly thinking that he is entitled, was owed something, and had a tantrum when things didn't go his way.

I, too, have been young and inexperienced. I know how disappointing it can feel when you expect something versus how it actually goes down. But this kind of public display of private conversations? The way he tries to make himself the victim? It is not the way to go.

I am glad that he was banned from the event. It was the right thing to do. Because maybe... Just maybe he looks back on this, apologizes to the woman, and thinks how he could have played this out differently, with more humility and respect in mind. Consequences are the key in this.

The other big issue here is the way people can mistake chat / streams / social media to be equal to real-life encounters. It just isn't. There is no biological chemistry involved. Sure, you might laugh-emoji to same memes and gifs, or muse about similar subjects, but there is no sublety as there is on face to face encounters. And it seems that people are becoming more and more oblivious to reading the ( social ) situation. Your new date / hook-up is not a virtual avatar anymore, but a living, breathing person with his or her own will, quirks and so on. Sending naughty texts doesn't equal sex. Cuddling doesn't equal sex. There is no thing, clothing, behavior or suggestive smile that automatically equals sex. Only consent leads to sex, and that is a two-way street. Respect and listen to your partner. It is not that hard! If you listen, you don't have to assume.

Bah. Sorry for the rant. But this subject just hits a nerve, and is making me worried. Are we really losing our ability to interact with each other?
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,180
All he's done with his campaign of innocence is prove what a complete shitstain he is. Unfortunately, he'll probably have some kind of career via a crowdpayment platform from fuckers wanting to hold him up.
 
Oct 28, 2017
341
Maybe I didn't word it correctly, but I completely agree with everything you just wrote :)
No worries, I just thought it sounded like he was being given a pass up until they met. I also get a bit twitchy in these situations as there is always a bunch of people who swing into threads to defend the man who did an obviously terrible thing.

Sorry for the rant!
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,297
I get your point but I don't see things in such a black/white manner. If I meet a girl and she agrees to come to my appartment for sex and then decides she doesn't want to after all, am I obligated to let her stay?. Obviously the polite thing to do would be to offer her to stay in separate rooms or I can sleep in the couch or w/e but am I sexually harassing her if I ask her to leave?

I understand the dynamics on my example are different, but to which extent are you responsible for another adult in a situation like this? Again, not saying the guy is not an asshole. This could've been resolved in any other number of ways, but like I said above, being an asshole is not the same as sexual harassment. They are on completely different levels.
Very different situations. She had already flown to a new city and was basically stuck. He essentially gave her an ultimatum of "sleep with me or on the street." In your hypothetical, the girl could conceivably go to her own home. But, like, if you had driven her to your place and kicked her out for not sleeping with you, leaving her to walk home alone at night? Yeah, that'd be really really shitty.
 
Oct 25, 2017
275
I get your point but I don't see things in such a black/white manner. If I meet a girl and she agrees to come to my appartment for sex and then decides she doesn't want to after all, am I obligated to let her stay?. Obviously the polite thing to do would be to offer her to stay in separate rooms or I can sleep in the couch or w/e but am I sexually harassing her if I ask her to leave?

I understand the dynamics on my example are different, but to which extent are you responsible for another adult in a situation like this? Again, not saying the guy is not an asshole. This could've been resolved in any other number of ways, but like I said above, being an asshole is not the same as sexual harassment. They are on completely different levels.
The two situations aren't equivalent. The girl in your hypothetical is coming over to have sex, not to sleep over.

The girl in this situation was flying to another city to attend AGDQ. She was not flying to have sex with this guy, even if they discussed it after the initial gift of a ticket and room.
 
Nov 3, 2017
2,520
I get your point but I don't see things in such a black/white manner. If I meet a girl and she agrees to come to my appartment for sex and then decides she doesn't want to after all, am I obligated to let her stay?. Obviously the polite thing to do would be to offer her to stay in separate rooms or I can sleep in the couch or w/e but am I sexually harassing her if I ask her to leave?

I understand the dynamics on my example are different, but to which extent are you responsible for another adult in a situation like this? Again, not saying the guy is not an asshole. This could've been resolved in any other number of ways, but like I said above, being an asshole is not the same as sexual harassment. They are on completely different levels.
The situation you’ve made up here and what has actually happened are not comparable.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,557
Went to sleep and thought waking up to this story the guy might back down, try to spin this another way.... Well he did spin it in a way that there's no way for him to not look like a complete ass hat.
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,180
I'm not sure lumping everyone together is a very productive way to approach the problem.
They didn't say typical white male gamer, they said "typical entitled white male gamer".

The entitled white male gamer is a definite type of person, and they all sound this way.
 
Oct 27, 2017
644
Very different situations. She had already flown to a new city and was basically stuck. He essentially gave her an ultimatum of "sleep with me or on the street." In your hypothetical, the girl could conceivably go to her own home. But, like, if you had driven her to your place and kicked her out for not sleeping with you, leaving her to walk home alone at night? Yeah, that'd be really really shitty.
100% agree, its shitty. But is it sexual harassment? What are we discussing here? Look, I understand. This is not a good situation, I'm not defending what the guy did and I'd like to think we would've all handled it differently but sexual harassment is a serious allegation. Being a turd and sexually harassing someone is not the same thing. I understand the court of public opinion is swift and merciless but just 2 weeks ago in my country a kid commited suicide because a girlfriend (as in a female friend) of his falsely (this was proven) accused him of raping her on instagram. That put things into perspective for me. I'm not so quick to burn people at the stake now.

The two situations aren't equivalent. The girl in your hypothetical is coming over to have sex, not to sleep over.

The girl in this situation was flying to another city to attend AGDQ. She was not flying to have sex with this guy, even if they discussed it after the initial gift of a ticket and room.
My understanding is that she was coming over for both sex and GDQ. On one of the the screenshots I saw she specifically mentions that she had almost lost interest in the event altogether and that she just "wanted to party and be yours". Obviously its A-OK to back out of it but I think its disingenuous to say she was just coming to "sleep over" when the situation had clearly escalated beyond that point. Again, not saying the guy isn't an asshole for what he did but what is being leveled at him are sexual harassment accusations.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,935
The situation you’ve made up here and what has actually happened are not comparable.
Very different situations. She had already flown to a new city and was basically stuck. He essentially gave her an ultimatum of "sleep with me or on the street." In your hypothetical, the girl could conceivably go to her own home. But, like, if you had driven her to your place and kicked her out for not sleeping with you, leaving her to walk home alone at night? Yeah, that'd be really really shitty.
Exactly.. they are different situations

This statement:

Kicking someone out of a hotel room because they wont sleep with you is literally sexual harassment. There is no other interpretation.
as it is, doenst make sense because it seems to be refering to any situation and not the current situation
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,574
100% agree, its shitty. But is it sexual harassment? What are we discussing here? Look, I understand. This is not a good situation, I'm not defending what the guy did and I'd like to think we would've all handled it differently but sexual harassment is a serious allegation. Being a turd and sexually harassing someone is not the same thing.
He basically blackmailing her with "either sleep with me or sleep on the street" is more than enough grounds for sexual harassment, what's your point?
 
Oct 25, 2017
355
They didn't say typical white male gamer, they said "typical entitled white male gamer".

The entitled white male gamer is a definite type of person, and they all sound this way.
Why not just say 'entitled asshole' (or something to that effect)? I don't really see how the rest of the label is at all relevant.

Edit: I'm just going to add, I think this guy is a scumbag but feel free to ignore my comments because I don't want to derail the thread from the actual topic.
 
Feb 8, 2018
1,185
The threatening to cancel her plane ticket is petty as hell and tells me everything I need to know about him. Why not just apologize and say you were in the wrong?
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,297
100% agree, its shitty. But is it sexual harassment? What are we discussing here? Look, I understand. This is not a good situation, I'm not defending what the guy did and I'd like to think we would've all handled it differently but sexual harassment is a serious allegation. Being a turd and sexually harassing someone is not the same thing. I understand the court of public opinion is swift and merciless but just 2 weeks ago in my country a kid commited suicide because a girlfriend (as in a female friend) of his falsely (this was proven) accused him of raping her on instagram. That put things into perspective for me. I'm not so quick to burn people at the stake now.



My understanding is that she was coming over for both sex and GDQ. On one of the the screenshots I saw she specifically mentions that she had almost lost interest in the event altogether and that she just "wanted to party and be yours". Obviously its A-OK to back out of it but I think its disingenuous to say she was just coming to "sleep over" when the situation had clearly escalated beyond that point. Again, not saying the guy isn't an asshole for what he did but what is being leveled at him are sexual harassment accusations.
I fail to see any explanation for what he did that isnt sexual harassment. By his own admission, he kicked her out of a hotel room for refusing to sleep in the same bed with him. If your choices are "sleep with me or be stranded with no where to sleep in a distant city," that's coercion, which is a form of harrassment.
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,180
Why not just say 'entitled asshole' (or something to that effect)? I don't really see how the rest of the label is at all relevant.

Edit: I'm just going to add, I think this guy is a scumbag but feel free to ignore my comments because I don't want to derail the thread from the actual topic.
Because there is literally a subset of white male (also cis) gamers who are entitled and act this way all the time. The description is a perfect mirror of the type of person who does this.

It is a white male problem in part due to the privilege that comes with that.

I fail to see any explanation for what he did that isnt sexual harassment. By his own admission, he kicked her out of a hotel room for refusing to sleep in the same bed with him. If your choices are "sleep with me or be stranded with no where to sleep in a distant city," that's coercion, which is a form of harrassment.
I'd actually call it sexual abuse and manipulation.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,574
If he were really a nice guy he would get another room for her.
Not even that, communication is key, if he really was a nice guy he would make her feel comfortable by having empathy and having a nice talk with her instead of throwing a hissy fit.

Like I said, this guy only has himself to blame for making things awkward.
 
Oct 2, 2018
149
The moral of the story is that you shouldn't gift a stranger nor accept a gift from a stranger, it's one more occurence of a shitshow that happens quite often. The guy was wrong for offering to pay for the plane tickets.
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,180
The moral of the story is that you shouldn't gift a stranger nor accept a gift from a stranger, it's one more occurence of a shitshow that happens quite often. The guy was wrong for offering to pay for the plane tickets.
Please don't victim blame. It was in no way her fault for this. She has the right to be dtf then change her mind.

All the blame is on him. 100%.
 
Oct 26, 2017
1,857
Not even that, communication is key, if he really was a nice guy he would make her feel comfortable by having empathy and having a nice talk with her instead of throwing a hissy fit.

Like I said, this guy only has himself to blame for making things awkward.
Yup. There was so much he could have done but he's still doing this wrongly.

The moral of the story is that you shouldn't gift a stranger nor accept a gift from a stranger, it's one more occurence of a shitshow that happens quite often. The guy was wrong for offering to pay for the plane tickets.
The moral of the story is that no one should give things to people and expect sex in return. Sex is not a transaction and if someone thinks it is just go pay for prostitutes.
People can accept whatever gifts they want to.
 
Oct 25, 2017
6,156
The moral of the story is that you shouldn't gift a stranger nor accept a gift from a stranger, it's one more occurence of a shitshow that happens quite often. The guy was wrong for offering to pay for the plane tickets.
The moral is to not do things with the expectation that you will get sex for it.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,157
Canary Islands, Spain
The moral of the story is that you shouldn't gift a stranger nor accept a gift from a stranger, it's one more occurence of a shitshow that happens quite often. The guy was wrong for offering to pay for the plane tickets.
Next you're gonna say that if a girl goes to a shady street at night and gets raped it's her fault for going there and no the fault of the criminal
 
Nov 22, 2017
2,292
Come on, he already started grooming her with his claim that he can't sleep alone. She just clarifies that it would be strictly physical if they were to hook up.
He posted it himself: The threat was that she either shares his bed or gets kicked out of their room. It's blackmail. IMHO this is enough to warrant him getting banned for sexual harassment.
He did say he offered to sleep on the floor while she was on the bed, but obviously who knows.
 

L Thammy

Spacenoid
Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,298
Man, this guy just keeps looking worse with everything he says. Fuck, people think I'm a sexual harasser now. How am I going to get out of this one? Oh, I've got it, I'm going to act like a transform.
 
Oct 27, 2017
644
User banned (2 weeks): excusing and diminishing sexual harassment over a series of posts + antagonizing another member via PM
He basically blackmailing her with "either sleep with me or sleep on the street" is more than enough grounds for sexual harassment, what's your point?
My point is that sexual harassment is, as far as I know, illegal and being a douchebag is not. It is not clear to me that the guy sexually harassed her which is why I wondered the extent to which someone is responsible towards another adult.

I don't think this is as black and white as you're making it out to be. I think that context matters. This is not a clear cut grooming case were a pederast lures a minor with promises and then coerces her into sex.

We're talking about 2 adults that made plans to be intimate with each other and then one of them decided not to be intimate and another one decided not to be in the same place as the other. Now as adults the REASONABLE thing to do here would've been to find a middle ground that would satisfy both parties. Clearly the dude is far from a grownup but I ask again, to which extent are you responsible for another adult? What are you guilty for here? Being an asshole? Willingly endareging someone? or sexual harassment?