DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

[Zombine]

So, my head already knows the answer, but my heart wants something else. I just want your take on this situation:

I have been "dating" this girl that I met on Tinder after a very horrible breakup for about 9 months. I was not emotionally ready, but I needed to do something to get my mind off of my ex who suffered horribly with Bipolar and addiction issues. I was heartbroken and knew I couldn't remain with this person.

When we matched, this girl told me that she had just turned 25. It was a little younger than I had hoped, but she is employed in the same field as me, and is a home owner. We connected right out from the gate, I got her snap, we had some silly interactions, and I gave her my number.

"I will when I'm ready I promise." Of course I was not going to push her because it was so new, but she never text or called me. Jumping forward, we continued to communicate, and she mentioned to me that she had gotten out of an incredibly toxic relationship with her ex, and I connected with her that I went through something similar. She explained there was abuse involved, and I decided not to rock the boat, show her I'm okay, and let her get comfortable. I was in no rush as I had fresh wounds from my ex, and I totally didn't want to scare this beautiful and hurt girl away either.

I met her in early September, and after weeks of talking our first fight was right around…October? I had asked her to do something and her mood changed. "I said I will when I am ready why are you trying to force me." I backed down, and she blocked me on Snapchat.

I figured I had blown it, but I was so used to dating app experiences being goofy I just kind of shrugged and was like "well fuck my life I guess." And I "moved on."

A day or two later, she mentioned me on TikTok and I decided to engage with her there. We connected, she told me I hurt her feelings and wasn't sure why I didn't chase after her and that she was upset that I didn't "talk to her all day." I told her I was 32 and just didn't have it in me but if she still wanted me I would gladly have her back.

So we got "back" together, and periodically this sort of argument would happen when I asked her to call or text or do something with me. I would "chase" her like she asked, we would hash out the issue, and she would come back.

In between all of this, her ex would message her begging to have her back and she would show me the messages he sent, and her responses telling him that she had a boyfriend and to leave her alone. I let her know this this bothered me, and she said that she couldn't help it because he would continue to make burner accounts and message her on snap. I let it go, and we continued on.

Fast forward months, and still, no date. No call. No video. Nada. "I will when I am ready" was always the response, and she would get more and more vicious about it. Before you call her a "catfish," I can't really figure that part out. I know where she works. Her boss is very real. The pictures she posts to her Snapchat are/were very real. But still, she could never bring herself to see me and it would make me get in my head.

Before you say to me, "dude, what the fuck?" She's a 10/10. Absolute smoke. Plays games. Funny. Plays games with me (but won't use a mic), and when things are good we laugh and have a good time. But all while saying that…I do feel bread crumbed. Plans of the future, things of that nature were dropped but nothing ever came of it. But I figured that I wouldn't rock the boat and would try my best to show her that I am not like her ex, and am willing to be patient.

It's now almost July—no date. But it gets far worse:

So, I found that a few things were starting to bug me, and it was when she was telling me stuff about her ex, it was almost like she enjoyed the chase. He would send her dick pics, explicit shit, she'd block him, and show me the evidence. It still made me super uncomfortable, I told her, and she would get frustrated and say I don't trust her.

Then, I noticed her posting habits changing. She wouldn't send me any pictures, but was always quick to post things to her snap story. She said she only talked to me, I still had the Snapchat heart, but her score would ROCKET up. Like FLY up and I was like "who tf is this girl communicating with??????" I would ask her, she would say her family group chat, friend group chat, and that I wasn't trusting. I am trusting…but her lack of reciprocation and affection was getting to me. I would bring this up, she would get shitty and he like "here we go again, LMAO." Clear the chat, and block me. We would do this shit over and over.

I chase, she forgives, she's comes back, cycle starts again—but this time she said she's giving me "one last chance."

Jump forward a few days, and she sends me a message at 4am telling me she's stressed about school. This is genuine, I told her not to worry and just relax. I wake up, no messages. The day goes on, no messages. At 11am I check my snap and I see that she posted a pic of herself on her story and I'm like "dude you have got to be fucking kidding me."

So I message her, I asked if her anything was going on, she flips out and says she was only giving me one last chance, I blew it, and she was blocking me everywhere. She did.

She was nasty. Saying I was untrusting and always tried to force her to hang out. I told her I never got basic affection and if we did the bare minimum I wouldn't have always thought she was being unfaithful. I told her that her communicating with her ex (who said he was moving back here in 3 week back in May) kept popping up, and she was actively adding people off of instagram that had the sole intention of dating her. She said she can have friends and would call me shit, tell me to go fuck my self, etc.

I've left out some of the minor details like various times she went out with friends, blew off invites or got mad at me asking her to do stuff, and the time she got pissed off at me for adding some girl on snap who added me that I had no clue who it was. I walked her through the 1 minute convo step by step. I told the girl that I didn't know her, wished her well, and unadded her. My girlfriend said I wasn't trustworthy and added another girl "real fast."

I just can't win. I couldn't win. And she was blocking me like crazy on burners that I created to explain myself. It worked before but "not this time." "When I'm done I'm done and I'm deleting you from my life and will never talk to you again. I will block all of your accounts."

Totally different vibe this time…and yet…here I look and I'm unblocked on my main account. What the fuck is this? She hasn't replied, and has been completely MIA in general and I'm sort of worried. I know I shouldn't be, but after all of that she…unblocked my account???? What's the deal?

Not to mention, prior to that when I was blocked, on Friday she posted a picture of her in a car and she had my city location in the corner. She was in my hood but still never made an attempt to hang out.

What the fuck was this? I legit don't get any of it. My friends, my family, everyone tells me I'm better than this but something keeps me going back. I've posted a thread about my struggles dating with BPD that is directly about her as well, but I am absolutely at a loss now. I just don't know anymore and have no clue why someone who was so definitive would unblock me??? What's the game here? I can't figure any of this out at all.

Edit: the reason I mentioned her age was that she told me she had turned 25 and that her birthday was in May, but when time came to celebrate her birthday she wouldn't do anything with me and posted a picture with her mom and her sister that said something about her turning 27. Like WHAT????

 

[Star-Lord]

So, my head already knows the answer, but my heart wants something else. I just want your take on this situation:

I have been "dating" this girl that I met on Tinder after a very horrible breakup for about 9 months. I was not emotionally ready, but I needed to do something to get my mind off of my ex who suffered horribly with Bipolar and addiction issues. I was heartbroken and knew I couldn't remain with this person.

When we matched, this girl told me that she had just turned 25. It was a little younger than I had hoped, but she is employed in the same field as me, and is a home owner. We connected right out from the gate, I got her snap, we had some silly interactions, and I gave her my number.

"I will when I'm ready I promise." Of course I was not going to push her because it was so new, but she never text or called me. Jumping forward, we continued to communicate, and she mentioned to me that she had gotten out of an incredibly toxic relationship with her ex, and I connected with her that I went through something similar. She explained there was abuse involved, and I decided not to rock the boat, show her I'm okay, and let her get comfortable. I was in no rush as I had fresh wounds from my ex, and I totally didn't want to scare this beautiful and hurt girl away either.

I met her in early September, and after weeks of talking our first fight was right around…October? I had asked her to do something and her mood changed. "I said I will when I am ready why are you trying to force me." I backed down, and she blocked me on Snapchat.

I figured I had blown it, but I was so used to dating app experiences being goofy I just kind of shrugged and was like "well fuck my life I guess." And I "moved on."

A day or two later, she mentioned me on TikTok and I decided to engage with her there. We connected, she told me I hurt her feelings and wasn't sure why I didn't chase after her and that she was upset that I didn't "talk to her all day." I told her I was 32 and just didn't have it in me but if she still wanted me I would gladly have her back.

So we got "back" together, and periodically this sort of argument would happen when I asked her to call or text or do something with me. I would "chase" her like she asked, we would hash out the issue, and she would come back.

In between all of this, her ex would message her begging to have her back and she would show me the messages he sent, and her responses telling him that she had a boyfriend and to leave her alone. I let her know this this bothered me, and she said that she couldn't help it because he would continue to make burner accounts and message her on snap. I let it go, and we continued on.

Fast forward months, and still, no date. No call. No video. Nada. "I will when I am ready" was always the response, and she would get more and more vicious about it. Before you call her a "catfish," I can't really figure that part out. I know where she works. Her boss is very real. The pictures she posts to her Snapchat are/were very real. But still, she could never bring herself to see me and it would make me get in my head.

Before you say to me, "dude, what the fuck?" She's a 10/10. Absolute smoke. Plays games. Funny. Plays games with me (but won't use a mic), and when things are good we laugh and have a good time. But all while saying that…I do feel bread crumbed. Plans of the future, things of that nature were dropped but nothing ever came of it. But I figured that I wouldn't rock the boat and would try my best to show her that I am not like her ex, and am willing to be patient.

It's now almost July—no date. But it gets far worse:

So, I found that a few things were starting to bug me, and it was when she was telling me stuff about her ex, it was almost like she enjoyed the chase. He would send her dick pics, explicit shit, she'd block him, and show me the evidence. It still made me super uncomfortable, I told her, and she would get frustrated and say I don't trust her.

Then, I noticed her posting habits changing. She wouldn't send me any pictures, but was always quick to post things to her snap story. She said she only talked to me, I still had the Snapchat heart, but her score would ROCKET up. Like FLY up and I was like "who tf is this girl communicating with??????" I would ask her, she would say her family group chat, friend group chat, and that I wasn't trusting. I am trusting…but her lack of reciprocation and affection was getting to me. I would bring this up, she would get shitty and he like "here we go again, LMAO." Clear the chat, and block me. We would do this shit over and over.

I chase, she forgives, she's comes back, cycle starts again—but this time she said she's giving me "one last chance."

Jump forward a few days, and she sends me a message at 4am telling me she's stressed about school. This is genuine, I told her not to worry and just relax. I wake up, no messages. The day goes on, no messages. At 11am I check my snap and I see that she posted a pic of herself on her story and I'm like "dude you have got to be fucking kidding me."

So I message her, I asked if her anything was going on, she flips out and says she was only giving me one last chance, I blew it, and she was blocking me everywhere. She did.

She was nasty. Saying I was untrusting and always tried to force her to hang out. I told her I never got basic affection and if we did the bare minimum I wouldn't have always thought she was being unfaithful. I told her that her communicating with her ex (who said he was moving back here in 3 week back in May) kept popping up, and she was actively adding people off of instagram that had the sole intention of dating her. She said she can have friends and would call me shit, tell me to go fuck my self, etc.

I've left out some of the minor details like various times she went out with friends, blew off invites or got mad at me asking her to do stuff, and the time she got pissed off at me for adding some girl on snap who added me that I had no clue who it was. I walked her through the 1 minute convo step by step. I told the girl that I didn't know her, wished her well, and unadded her. My girlfriend said I wasn't trustworthy and added another girl "real fast."

I just can't win. I couldn't win. And she was blocking me like crazy on burners that I created to explain myself. It worked before but "not this time." "When I'm done I'm done and I'm deleting you from my life and will never talk to you again. I will block all of your accounts."

Totally different vibe this time…and yet…here I look and I'm unblocked on my main account. What the fuck is this? She hasn't replied, and has been completely MIA in general and I'm sort of worried. I know I shouldn't be, but after all of that she…unblocked my account???? What's the deal?

Not to mention, prior to that when I was blocked, on Friday she posted a picture of her in a car and she had my city location in the corner. She was in my hood but still never made an attempt to hang out.

What the fuck was this? I legit don't get any of it. My friends, my family, everyone tells me I'm better than this but something keeps me going back. I've posted a thread about my struggles dating with BPD that is directly about her as well, but I am absolutely at a loss now. I just don't know anymore and have no clue why someone who was so definitive would unblock me??? What's the game here? I can't figure any of this out at all.

Edit: the reason I mentioned her age was that she told me she had turned 25 and that her birthday was in May, but when time came to celebrate her birthday she wouldn't do anything with me and posted a picture with her mom and her sister that said something about her turning 27. Like WHAT????

Click to shrink...

Dude, i would say just let her go. This is only going to cause you more heartache the longer you keep this going. You'll find someone better trust me.

 

[Vibed]

Zombine Stop talking to this woman, a hot gamer girl isn't worth shit when she treats you like shit. She's 25 and that behavior is childish. The back and forth blocking, need to be chased, dealing with an ex, all are things you should never have to put up with! Have you met this girl in person? She hasn't even voice chatted with you. Love yourself man, you'll find someone much better 🙂

 

[Zombine]

Dude, i would say just let her go. This is only going to cause you more heartache the longer you keep this going. You'll find someone better trust me.

Click to shrink...

I know man. It's just confusing as shit. Like, I know this is bad for me and my mental health, it's just heartbreaking coming out of a really tragic situation. I did try my hardest for this chick, but nothing really got her to take it to the next level despite saying she wanted me.

 

[Zombine]

Zombine Stop talking to this woman, a hot gamer girl isn't worth shit when she treats you like shit. She's 25 and thar behavior is childish. The back and forth blocking, need to be chased, dealing with an ex, all are things you should never have to put up with! Have you met this girl in person? She hasn't even voice chatted with you. Love yourself man 🙂

Click to shrink...

Not even once. I would always ask her and she'd say "I wIlL wHeN iM rEaDy" and get pissed.

I was telling my mom if I actively did something to this girl I would more than own up to my mistakes. But she always flips her lid when I ask to meet and just have like basic human dignity. Then to say she's going to block me forever and quietly unblock me? Fucked up.

And like the crazy part is I'm not even like incapable of finding someone. I'm a big dude, strong, fit, I communicate well, but I always find myself with these like super shitty chicks that could not give a fuck about me lol

I think my problem is I need (or needed) closure. If she was with her ex and I was just there to pass the time? Fair enough. But this chick says it was ALL me and that drives me insane. Deep down inside I'll always be that chubby dork nobody liked so I let girls like this chick take advantage of my patience and kindness.

 

[NotWithstanding]

So, my head already knows the answer, but my heart wants something else. I just want your take on this situation:

I have been "dating" this girl that I met on Tinder after a very horrible breakup for about 9 months. I was not emotionally ready, but I needed to do something to get my mind off of my ex who suffered horribly with Bipolar and addiction issues. I was heartbroken and knew I couldn't remain with this person.

When we matched, this girl told me that she had just turned 25. It was a little younger than I had hoped, but she is employed in the same field as me, and is a home owner. We connected right out from the gate, I got her snap, we had some silly interactions, and I gave her my number.

"I will when I'm ready I promise." Of course I was not going to push her because it was so new, but she never text or called me. Jumping forward, we continued to communicate, and she mentioned to me that she had gotten out of an incredibly toxic relationship with her ex, and I connected with her that I went through something similar. She explained there was abuse involved, and I decided not to rock the boat, show her I'm okay, and let her get comfortable. I was in no rush as I had fresh wounds from my ex, and I totally didn't want to scare this beautiful and hurt girl away either.

I met her in early September, and after weeks of talking our first fight was right around…October? I had asked her to do something and her mood changed. "I said I will when I am ready why are you trying to force me." I backed down, and she blocked me on Snapchat.

I figured I had blown it, but I was so used to dating app experiences being goofy I just kind of shrugged and was like "well fuck my life I guess." And I "moved on."

A day or two later, she mentioned me on TikTok and I decided to engage with her there. We connected, she told me I hurt her feelings and wasn't sure why I didn't chase after her and that she was upset that I didn't "talk to her all day." I told her I was 32 and just didn't have it in me but if she still wanted me I would gladly have her back.

So we got "back" together, and periodically this sort of argument would happen when I asked her to call or text or do something with me. I would "chase" her like she asked, we would hash out the issue, and she would come back.

In between all of this, her ex would message her begging to have her back and she would show me the messages he sent, and her responses telling him that she had a boyfriend and to leave her alone. I let her know this this bothered me, and she said that she couldn't help it because he would continue to make burner accounts and message her on snap. I let it go, and we continued on.

Fast forward months, and still, no date. No call. No video. Nada. "I will when I am ready" was always the response, and she would get more and more vicious about it. Before you call her a "catfish," I can't really figure that part out. I know where she works. Her boss is very real. The pictures she posts to her Snapchat are/were very real. But still, she could never bring herself to see me and it would make me get in my head.

Before you say to me, "dude, what the fuck?" She's a 10/10. Absolute smoke. Plays games. Funny. Plays games with me (but won't use a mic), and when things are good we laugh and have a good time. But all while saying that…I do feel bread crumbed. Plans of the future, things of that nature were dropped but nothing ever came of it. But I figured that I wouldn't rock the boat and would try my best to show her that I am not like her ex, and am willing to be patient.

It's now almost July—no date. But it gets far worse:

So, I found that a few things were starting to bug me, and it was when she was telling me stuff about her ex, it was almost like she enjoyed the chase. He would send her dick pics, explicit shit, she'd block him, and show me the evidence. It still made me super uncomfortable, I told her, and she would get frustrated and say I don't trust her.

Then, I noticed her posting habits changing. She wouldn't send me any pictures, but was always quick to post things to her snap story. She said she only talked to me, I still had the Snapchat heart, but her score would ROCKET up. Like FLY up and I was like "who tf is this girl communicating with??????" I would ask her, she would say her family group chat, friend group chat, and that I wasn't trusting. I am trusting…but her lack of reciprocation and affection was getting to me. I would bring this up, she would get shitty and he like "here we go again, LMAO." Clear the chat, and block me. We would do this shit over and over.

I chase, she forgives, she's comes back, cycle starts again—but this time she said she's giving me "one last chance."

Jump forward a few days, and she sends me a message at 4am telling me she's stressed about school. This is genuine, I told her not to worry and just relax. I wake up, no messages. The day goes on, no messages. At 11am I check my snap and I see that she posted a pic of herself on her story and I'm like "dude you have got to be fucking kidding me."

So I message her, I asked if her anything was going on, she flips out and says she was only giving me one last chance, I blew it, and she was blocking me everywhere. She did.

She was nasty. Saying I was untrusting and always tried to force her to hang out. I told her I never got basic affection and if we did the bare minimum I wouldn't have always thought she was being unfaithful. I told her that her communicating with her ex (who said he was moving back here in 3 week back in May) kept popping up, and she was actively adding people off of instagram that had the sole intention of dating her. She said she can have friends and would call me shit, tell me to go fuck my self, etc.

I've left out some of the minor details like various times she went out with friends, blew off invites or got mad at me asking her to do stuff, and the time she got pissed off at me for adding some girl on snap who added me that I had no clue who it was. I walked her through the 1 minute convo step by step. I told the girl that I didn't know her, wished her well, and unadded her. My girlfriend said I wasn't trustworthy and added another girl "real fast."

I just can't win. I couldn't win. And she was blocking me like crazy on burners that I created to explain myself. It worked before but "not this time." "When I'm done I'm done and I'm deleting you from my life and will never talk to you again. I will block all of your accounts."

Totally different vibe this time…and yet…here I look and I'm unblocked on my main account. What the fuck is this? She hasn't replied, and has been completely MIA in general and I'm sort of worried. I know I shouldn't be, but after all of that she…unblocked my account???? What's the deal?

Not to mention, prior to that when I was blocked, on Friday she posted a picture of her in a car and she had my city location in the corner. She was in my hood but still never made an attempt to hang out.

What the fuck was this? I legit don't get any of it. My friends, my family, everyone tells me I'm better than this but something keeps me going back. I've posted a thread about my struggles dating with BPD that is directly about her as well, but I am absolutely at a loss now. I just don't know anymore and have no clue why someone who was so definitive would unblock me??? What's the game here? I can't figure any of this out at all.

Edit: the reason I mentioned her age was that she told me she had turned 25 and that her birthday was in May, but when time came to celebrate her birthday she wouldn't do anything with me and posted a picture with her mom and her sister that said something about her turning 27. Like WHAT????

Click to shrink...

Wow, and I thought my last relationship was bad (and it had a lot of problems, but this is like another level). I have to echo what other people are saying here... she's not worth it. I know you said she's a gamer, etc., but you can definitely find someone better. Plus I learned that having common interests isn't everything.

 

[Zombine]

Wow, and I thought my last relationship was bad (and it had a lot of problems, but this is like another level). I have to echo what other people are saying here... she's not worth it. I know you said she's a gamer, etc., but you can definitely find someone better. Plus I learned that having common interests isn't everything.

Click to shrink...

Thanks man. But yeah…it's rough. I am more distraught at the 9 months I spent trying to make this girl comfortable enough to see me. But I have the strong feeling she never really had much intention to.

She is very petty. Also, whenever she would say nasty things to me on snap she would always delete the convo before blocking me.

 

[Arcus Felis]

Zombine Yeah, that girl is a complete waste of time, who obviously doesn't value you. Move on, you have better things to do than spending your time and energy on someone who is playing you like a yo-yo and who has a nasty streak. You deserve better.

 

[Raide]

Thanks man. But yeah…it's rough. I am more distraught at the 9 months I spent trying to make this girl comfortable enough to see me. But I have the strong feeling she never really had much intention to.

She is very petty. Also, whenever she would say nasty things to me on snap she would always delete the convo before blocking me.

Click to shrink...

At least it was only 9 months. Some people can drag that out for years, hoping something happens.

Trust their actions, not just their words. If she keeps dragging out a meeting for random reasons, she is really not that interested. Pick yourself up and move on. Spend that time bettering yourself and put effort into people than have a genuine interest.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Thanks man. But yeah…it's rough. I am more distraught at the 9 months I spent trying to make this girl comfortable enough to see me. But I have the strong feeling she never really had much intention to.

She is very petty. Also, whenever she would say nasty things to me on snap she would always delete the convo before blocking me.

Click to shrink...

You shouldnt have to waste your time doing this. Think youre over valuing her looks and a slight connection you had. Sorry as this sounds very rough for you. Hope you find someone who is emotionally available. This chick is so fucking not in many different ways.

Im not bashing it in any way, but it sounds like you fell in love with a person who gave you many reasons not to. We gotta show respect to ourselves by giving love to people who deserve it.

 

[SmackDaddy]

First time posting in this thread, but I want to comment on the conventional wisdom of moving away from online communication as soon as possible: anecdotally speaking, I've seen more women speak on not liking that approach than being welcome to it. As it has been communicated to me, it comes across as the other person following a script to rush into the end goal rather than it being a naturally occurring flow of communication. What I've been seeing is an exhaustion over the expeditious urgency to meet in person at the expense of putting in any effort whatsoever facilitating at least an engaging exchange prior to. And I do believe that has, in some part, contributed to the sudden drop in communication, as how quickly men want to transition to an IRL meetup is being treated as a negative tell by some - not all - women.

So basically YMMV and the tactic likely shouldn't be applied as universally as it is.

Additionally, I saw someone comment on the last page they temper their communications online as it can create an unrealistic expectation when first meeting up. I've found this to only be a problem when there isn't a consistency between the in person and online persona, which I think is a fault of online dating as it can create the tendency to embellish or at least, withhold the entire picture of your personality. One of the best unconventional compliments I still receive is whether IRL, over the phone, or through online communication I come across as the same person. So I believe as long as you're genuinely presenting yourself exactly as you are personality wise you shouldn't have to fear letting someone down.

Anyway, those are my thoughts - wishing everyone success!

Click to shrink...

Thanks for posting!!! Welcome to the thread. This is a great post and reminder that you cant really approach meeting new people with a one-size-fits all approach.

That kind of stuff feels really pickup-artisty. Everyone is different. Let them pull a new side of you out. Be yourself and enjoy the interaction :D

 

[Zombine]

Zombine Yeah, that girl is a complete waste of time, who obviously doesn't value you. Move on, you have better things to do than spending your time and energy on someone who is playing you like a yo-yo and who has a nasty streak. You deserve better.

Click to shrink...

At least it was only 9 months. Some people can drag that out for years, hoping something happens.

Trust their actions, not just their words. If she keeps dragging out a meeting for random reasons, she is really not that interested. Pick yourself up and move on. Spend that time bettering yourself and put effort into people than have a genuine interest.

Click to shrink...

You shouldnt have to waste your time doing this. Think youre over valuing her looks and a slight connection you had. Sorry as this sounds very rough for you. Hope you find someone who is emotionally available. This chick is so fucking not in many different ways.

Im not bashing it in any way, but it sounds like you fell in love with a person who gave you many reasons not to. We gotta show respect to ourselves by giving love to people who deserve it.

Click to shrink...

Thanks guys. It's brutally hard. I have incredible friends and family in my life that know that I'm upset and keep falling for this shit. I truly was trying to be a good guy and give her time and room to breathe, but I do feel like I was/am being played with. My problem is that I am stubborn as shit and I just needed an answer from her as to why. I most certainly won't get one.

I do wish I could say that like I am this complete and total shitbag and that's why she kept doing this, but truly I have been depressed and was just working hard to get this chick to see me. It feels like I placed a preorder on a game that got canceled lol.

I still can't figure out the "go fuck yourself I'm done with you. Get help and grow up. I am going to delete you from my life and keep blocking your accounts" to then silently unblock me on my account? I just don't understand the play here. Why sound so definitive and then…do what I asked? I don't get it.

The part that scares my mom is she is afraid that this ex is still around and isn't actually an "ex" and was just deployed, and she used me for an emotional connection. She told me that they were both physical and that she had to pull a knife on this guy once. My mom thinks she may have been the instigator and just straight up might be Amber Heard tier batshit insane.

I tried not to think of it like this because her words never match her videos. In her stories and stuff she is always very sweet and kind and she's really quiet (and always alone.)

My major red flag though is I 100% know that some of her snap story pics are THE SAME AS BEFORE but don't show "posted from camera roll." What the fuck was she doing? Taking pictures of pictures?

The only reason I can think of outside of being mean as shit is that she is insecure. She told me a year ago that she got in a bad accident and her face went through the car windshield. She has posted a pic where she has a few scars but to me that's nothing? They look fine. Kinda badass even. It feels like she is stuck on how she used to look pre-accident and that's unfortunate.

 

[Messofanego]

Thanks guys. It's brutally hard. I have incredible friends and family in my life that know that I'm upset and keep falling for this shit. I truly was trying to be a good guy and give her time and room to breathe, but I do feel like I was/am being played with. My problem is that I am stubborn as shit and I just needed an answer from her as to why. I most certainly won't get one.

I do wish I could say that like I am this complete and total shitbag and that's why she kept doing this, but truly I have been depressed and was just working hard to get this chick to see me. It feels like I placed a preorder on a game that got canceled lol.

I still can't figure out the "go fuck yourself I'm done with you. Get help and grow up. I am going to delete you from my life and keep blocking your accounts" to then silently unblock me on my account? I just don't understand the play here. Why sound so definitive and then…do what I asked? I don't get it.

The part that scares my mom is she is afraid that this ex is still around and isn't actually an "ex" and was just deployed, and she used me for an emotional connection. She told me that they were both physical and that she had to pull a knife on this guy once. My mom thinks she may have been the instigator and just straight up might be Amber Heard tier batshit insane.

I tried not to think of it like this because her words never match her videos. In her stories and stuff she is always very sweet and kind and she's really quiet (and always alone.)

My major red flag though is I 100% know that some of her snap story pics are THE SAME AS BEFORE but don't show "posted from camera roll." What the fuck was she doing? Taking pictures of pictures?

The only reason I can think of outside of being mean as shit is that she is insecure. She told me a year ago that she got in a bad accident and her face went through the car windshield. She has posted a pic where she has a few scars but to me that's nothing? They look fine. Kinda badass even. It feels like she is stuck on how she used to look pre-accident and that's unfortunate.

Click to shrink...

Sorry to hear all that you went through. But no hot 25yo immature gamer girl is worth this drama. I thought something was dodgy when she'd call you her boyfriend as a reaction to someone else but never in any other situation, and tbh she doesn't qualify as a girlfriend to you if you've never met, or really called in any detail. She just wanted to lead you on Snapchat. The sad thing is you never set any boundaries throughout this and just went along with whatever she did. With you recovering from a bad breakup and being depressed, you were vulnerable to be exploited. Sometimes you'll never get closure and you have to accept that. I know people in your exact situation who stuck around just to get closure and what only worked is them accepting that they won't and moving on to better people. Hope you're able to and wishing you better people to connect with.

 

[Zombine]

Sorry to hear all that you went through. But no hot 25yo immature gamer girl is worth this drama. I thought something was dodgy when she'd call you her boyfriend as a reaction to someone else but never in any other situation, and tbh she doesn't qualify as a girlfriend to you if you've never met, or really called in any detail. She just wanted to lead you on Snapchat. The sad thing is you never set any boundaries throughout this and just went along with whatever she did. With you recovering from a bad breakup and being depressed, you were vulnerable to be exploited. Sometimes you'll never get closure and you have to accept that. I know people in your exact situation who stuck around just to get closure and what only worked is them accepting that they won't and moving on to better people. Hope you're able to and wishing you better people to connect with.

Click to shrink...

Thank you. I appreciate having additional people tell me what I already know. It makes it look like I don't value my friends or family and their wisdom, It's just hard to accept that everything went this way after the weird circumstances we met under. Even crazier is she ended up swiping on me and not the other way around. I had to go into my likes and add her.

The age thing is weird because like I said, she told me she turned 25 last May, but this May when she had her birthday she said she was 27. ?????????????

Like, I tried everything to get this girl to spend time with me. I tried to celebrate holidays, birthdays, invite her to shows with me…nada. Like really cool things and I would either get bitched at, or she wouldn't go. She made plans with me exactly one time 3 weeks in advance, and the day of she swerved me, went hiking with her "mom", told me she was with her mom, and then acted confused when I was depressed as fuck. She never apologized and would always ignore this whenever we would bicker.

And I never mentioned it, but there was no transactional shit. Not a single penny was spent. She always refused gifts and would never take them. "You keep it, please don't." Which was a huge change from my ex who was an addict and would bleed me dry $20 at a time. So I could never figure this chick out.

 

[Messofanego]

Thank you. I appreciate having additional people tell me what I already know. It makes it look like I don't value my friends or family and their wisdom, It's just hard to accept that everything went this way after the weird circumstances we met under. Even crazier is she ended up swiping on me and not the other way around. I had to go into my likes and add her.

The age thing is weird because like I said, she told me she turned 25 last May, but this May when she had her birthday she said she was 27. ?????????????

Like, I tried everything to get this girl to spend time with me. I tried to celebrate holidays, birthdays, invite her to shows with me…nada. Like really cool things and I would either get bitched at, or she wouldn't go. She made plans with me exactly one time 3 weeks in advance, and the day of she swerved me, went hiking with her "mom", told me she was with her mom, and then acted confused when I was depressed as fuck. She never apologized and would always ignore this whenever we would bicker.

And I never mentioned it, but there was no transactional shit. Not a single penny was spent. She always refused gifts and would never take them. "You keep it, please don't." Which was a huge change from my ex who was an addict and would bleed me dry $20 at a time. So I could never figure this chick out.

Click to shrink...

No matter what you did, it just wasn't a two way street and that is needed for any good relationship. Again, don't bother making sense about the age, there are a lot of contradictions and mixed messages, so that's not on you to do. That's her shit. You deserve someone consistent and as interested in you as you are in them.

 

[Zombine]

No matter what you did, it just wasn't a two way street and that is needed for any good relationship. Again, don't bother making sense about the age, there are a lot of contradictions and mixed messages, so that's not on you to do. That's her shit. You deserve someone consistent and as interested in you as you are in them.

Click to shrink...

❤️

 

[Aprikurt]

I've been there Zombine. Was talking to a girl through lockdown who breaddcrumbed the shit out of me. Blocked me on everything the day we were finally meant to meet up. They're not worth it .

 

[Zombine]

I've been there Zombine. Was talking to a girl through lockdown who breaddcrumbed the shit out of me. Blocked me on everything the day we were finally meant to meet up. They're not worth it .

Click to shrink...

It was wild bro. It feels like a really sick game. Even now when she was BRUTALLY mean to me she couldn't commit to keeping me blocked. She loves the chase and the fighting and I can't handle it. I'm too quiet and caring for that no matter how good she looks.

I still for the life of me can't understand the unblocking on Snapchat. You have to physically go through and unblock, right? There isn't any setting that would just auto unblock me. It's really fucking weird.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Thanks guys. It's brutally hard. I have incredible friends and family in my life that know that I'm upset and keep falling for this shit. I truly was trying to be a good guy and give her time and room to breathe, but I do feel like I was/am being played with. My problem is that I am stubborn as shit and I just needed an answer from her as to why. I most certainly won't get one.

I do wish I could say that like I am this complete and total shitbag and that's why she kept doing this, but truly I have been depressed and was just working hard to get this chick to see me. It feels like I placed a preorder on a game that got canceled lol.

I still can't figure out the "go fuck yourself I'm done with you. Get help and grow up. I am going to delete you from my life and keep blocking your accounts" to then silently unblock me on my account? I just don't understand the play here. Why sound so definitive and then…do what I asked? I don't get it.

The part that scares my mom is she is afraid that this ex is still around and isn't actually an "ex" and was just deployed, and she used me for an emotional connection. She told me that they were both physical and that she had to pull a knife on this guy once. My mom thinks she may have been the instigator and just straight up might be Amber Heard tier batshit insane.

I tried not to think of it like this because her words never match her videos. In her stories and stuff she is always very sweet and kind and she's really quiet (and always alone.)

My major red flag though is I 100% know that some of her snap story pics are THE SAME AS BEFORE but don't show "posted from camera roll." What the fuck was she doing? Taking pictures of pictures?

The only reason I can think of outside of being mean as shit is that she is insecure. She told me a year ago that she got in a bad accident and her face went through the car windshield. She has posted a pic where she has a few scars but to me that's nothing? They look fine. Kinda badass even. It feels like she is stuck on how she used to look pre-accident and that's unfortunate.

Click to shrink...

You reeeeeeeAAAALLLY have to stop trying to parse through a person's actions trying to make sense of them and searching for an explanation to why they hurt you. I understand you are hurt, but this is a classic way to spiral. People are complex jumbles of trauma who wouldnt be able to explain their emotions to you even if they tried. Just worry about how it made you feel, thats all that's important now.

"She did x, it made me feel y, so im going to z next time" is the most productive way to sift through this bullshit.

Like, the idea is separating her actions from who you are as a person. Its her doing this stuff to you, its separate from your value and your effort and your feelings for her, you didnt do this to yourself.

 

[Zombine]

You reeeeeeeAAAALLLY have to stop trying to parse through a person's actions trying to make sense of them and searching for an explanation to why they hurt you. I understand you are hurt, but this is a classic way to spiral. People are complex jumbles of trauma who wouldnt be able to explain their emotions to you even if they tried. Just worry about how it made you feel, thats all that's important now.

"She did x, it made me feel y, so im going to z next time" is the most productive way to sift through this bullshit.

Like, the idea is separating her actions from who you are as a person. Its her doing this stuff to you, its separate from your value and your effort and your feelings for her, you didnt do this to yourself.

Click to shrink...

I think it's because I try to reflect and see what I have done wrong or what I could have done differently, but it literally boils down to, "she would lose her shit when I would ask her to take this somewhere positive."

Like, I waited to show her she didn't have to worry. That I was dedicated to us and far removed from serial dating. Just wanted my person and it genuinely did feel like it was headed that way, but she couldn't do it and couldn't exit looking like the bad guy.

Or, like others have said, she may be batshit and battling a ton of demons. I tried my best and it was never good enough.

I know that she would have made 9 months 18 or even 24 months. I think she liked the idea of having a crutch when she was ready to commit. I can't be a doormat.

 

[Mister Jack Frost]

Im neurally divergent myself, and I prefer being romantically involved with robots myself. This is not a joke post, I genuinely have romantic feelings for robots.

 

[guru-guru]

So after creating my Bumble account mid-last week, I have my first date in about 1 hour. Excited and super nervous!

 

[SmackDaddy]

So after creating my Bumble account mid-last week, I have my first date in about 1 hour. Excited and super nervous!

Click to shrink...

Oh sweet! You're gonna nail it. And by nail it, I mean you're going to learn more about a person and see if it's a fit :D Date's aren't performative at all, as I'm sure you're aware. Congrats and enjoy the ride :D What are you guys doing?

Im neurally divergent myself, and I prefer being romantically involved with robots myself. This is not a joke post, I genuinely have romantic feelings for robots.

Click to shrink...

That's interesting, what's the last robot you liked? I think they're pretty cute.

 

[Mister Jack Frost]

That's interesting, what's the last robot you liked? I think they're pretty cute.

Click to shrink...

Spot, the Boston Dynamics robot.

 

[Aprikurt]

I think it's because I try to reflect and see what I have done wrong or what I could have done differently, but it literally boils down to, "she would lose her shit when I would ask her to take this somewhere positive."

Like, I waited to show her she didn't have to worry. That I was dedicated to us and far removed from serial dating. Just wanted my person and it genuinely did feel like it was headed that way, but she couldn't do it and couldn't exit looking like the bad guy.

Or, like others have said, she may be batshit and battling a ton of demons. I tried my best and it was never good enough.

I know that she would have made 9 months 18 or even 24 months. I think she liked the idea of having a crutch when she was ready to commit. I can't be a doormat.

Click to shrink...

You'll drive yourself crazy with "what if's". I nearly did with the girl I was seeing before Christmas; I was convinced I'd made some fuck up and thrown away something fantastic, but something truly good shouldn't be that hard. You need to be confident that it's her problem and nothing you could have done would have made a difference.

 

[guru-guru]

Oh sweet! You're gonna nail it. And by nail it, I mean you're going to learn more about a person and see if it's a fit :D Date's aren't performative at all, as I'm sure you're aware. Congrats and enjoy the ride :D What are you guys doing?

Click to shrink...

Just went for coffee and a walk. I think it was a good call to do something low-key because I could tell she was pretty nervous too for the first 15 mins or so. After that conversation flowed really well and we had fun. I'll text her later and see if she wants to go out this weekend.

 

[Zombine]

You'll drive yourself crazy with "what if's". I nearly did with the girl I was seeing before Christmas; I was convinced I'd made some fuck up and thrown away something fantastic, but something truly good shouldn't be that hard. You need to be confident that it's her problem and nothing you could have done would have made a difference.

Click to shrink...

I appreciate this. I really truly gave it 100%.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Just went for coffee and a walk. I think it was a good call to do something low-key because I could tell she was pretty nervous too for the first 15 mins or so. After that conversation flowed really well and we had fun. I'll text her later and see if she wants to go out this weekend.

Click to shrink...

Yee :D Glad you had fun!

Question for readers: i met a stunning girl at a party on saturday. We swapped numbers at the end of the party. I wanna date her hard but im currently doing a little dating detox for a few months.

Do i tell her thats where my head is? Ive texted her asking what part of town shes in and how long her sabbatical lasts, which i just feel like are questions laying the groundwork for meeting up at any capacity, friend or sweet lover.

Part of me wants to see if i can just put it off, because at this point i know im going to try to tell her that i want to date her, but just cant now, basically the entire time we'd hypothetically spend together.

Are we obligated to share our intentions when we meet someone new? Or is it their prerogative to bring that up if thats what shes seeking?

I also feel thats kinda the dynamic too - very rarely women in straight relationships are that forward until the guy asks her out. And i know partially this entire thing is driven by me overhearing her at the party saying shes sick of dudes not telling her what they want with her.

I dunno man. Im glad i have therapy tomorrow lol

 

[guru-guru]

Yee :D Glad you had fun!

Click to shrink...

Thanks dude. We're going to go axe throwing + dinner on Friday for the second date!

 

[Aprikurt]

I appreciate this. I really truly gave it 100%.

Click to shrink...

I'm sure ou did, and you will in the future with somebody else who will truly appreciate it!

Yee :D Glad you had fun!

Question for readers: i met a stunning girl at a party on saturday. We swapped numbers at the end of the party. I wanna date her hard but im currently doing a little dating detox for a few months.

Do i tell her thats where my head is? Ive texted her asking what part of town shes in and how long her sabbatical lasts, which i just feel like are questions laying the groundwork for meeting up at any capacity, friend or sweet lover.

Part of me wants to see if i can just put it off, because at this point i know im going to try to tell her that i want to date her, but just cant now, basically the entire time we'd hypothetically spend together.

Are we obligated to share our intentions when we meet someone new? Or is it their prerogative to bring that up if thats what shes seeking?

I also feel thats kinda the dynamic too - very rarely women in straight relationships are that forward until the guy asks her out. And i know partially this entire thing is driven by me overhearing her at the party saying shes sick of dudes not telling her what they want with her.

I dunno man. Im glad i have therapy tomorrow lol

Click to shrink...

Doing a dating detox is admirable man, and I may have missed context but... what I will say is, don't miss out on a date with a potentially great girl just because you've got this self-imposed detox going on. In terms of your intentions, again I would let the date lead that... often I find what people are looking for they won't find, and visa versa.

 

[SmackDaddy]

I'm sure ou did, and you will in the future with somebody else who will truly appreciate it!

Doing a dating detox is admirable man, and I may have missed context but... what I will say is, don't miss out on a date with a potentially great girl just because you've got this self-imposed detox going on. In terms of your intentions, again I would let the date lead that... often I find what people are looking for they won't find, and visa versa.

Click to shrink...

thank you sweet aprikurt for your reply. good to have another brain on the case.

bit more clarification i can add about my detox... some reasons im doing it are:
1) i fall for attractive women very easily. like, hard.
2) im attracted to women with issues and low self-esteem.
3) i want to be able to be in a social situation, meeting people, without being on the prowl (mission accomplished at the party, she actually suggested we hang, or at least, she wanted to invite me to her next party)
4) im trying to tamp down this process my brain goes through - if a girl is hot, and i find one thing i like about them, i project perfection on to them really easily, and my feelings start getting a little out of control.

so all those things being said im just trying to protect lil ol me and go slow with people and appreciate who they are and build up feelings for the right reasons. and meeting this girl, and the way i felt afterwards, felt like i was high as fuck. so its scary to me, because this has burned me really bad in the past. like, break up with woman after 7 months of semi-emotionally abusive dating and getting depressed for 2 years bad.

The jury is out on if she is actually a great girl or not. All i know about her is shes beautiful, seems outgoing but is kinda awkward, and is on a 1-month sabbatical because in her words, she was going through "extreme mental health issues".

i dont want fear to run my life, but this detox and the above processes im trying to get a handle on are really important to me. And i went into the detox with confidence and resolve; it wasn't fear-based at the onset. Once again, yay therapy tomorrow. maybe ill update this post with what i get to in my appointment tomorrow.

 

[Aprikurt]

thank you sweet aprikurt for your reply. good to have another brain on the case.

bit more clarification i can add about my detox... some reasons im doing it are:
1) i fall for attractive women very easily. like, hard.
2) im attracted to women with issues and low self-esteem.
3) i want to be able to be in a social situation, meeting people, without being on the prowl (mission accomplished at the party, she actually suggested we hang, or at least, she wanted to invite me to her next party)
4) im trying to tamp down this process my brain goes through - if a girl is hot, and i find one thing i like about them, i project perfection on to them really easily, and my feelings start getting a little out of control.

so all those things being said im just trying to protect lil ol me and go slow with people and appreciate who they are and build up feelings for the right reasons. and meeting this girl, and the way i felt afterwards, felt like i was high as fuck. so its scary to me, because this has burned me really bad in the past. like, break up with woman after 7 months of semi-emotionally abusive dating and getting depressed for 2 years bad.

The jury is out on if she is actually a great girl or not. All i know about her is shes beautiful, seems outgoing but is kinda awkward, and is on a 1-month sabbatical because in her words, she was going through "extreme mental health issues".

i dont want fear to run my life, but this detox and the above processes im trying to get a handle on are really important to me. And i went into the detox with confidence and resolve; it wasn't fear-based at the onset. Once again, yay therapy tomorrow. maybe ill update this post with what i get to in my appointment tomorrow.

Click to shrink...

Oh boy those 4 steps are like looking into a mirror. If she's gorgeous I will make up the good parts of her personality until I'm proven wrong...

I still think you could go on a date with her to see what she's really like though. You seem to have a pretty good handle on your own thought processes and traps you may fall into.

 

[Chrno]

I appreciate this. I really truly gave it 100%.

Click to shrink...

Hey man, sorry about what you're going through.

I know you don't want to hear this (and have heard it before) but every little detail about your interaction with this girl tells me this is a catfish situation. Her posting pictures doesn't change that, and from what it sounds like even her 'pictures' have been off. Think back to every interaction and ask yourself if there was a time you could prove she was who she was showing you in these pictures.

Her attitude supports this theory - dismissive, abusive, easily offended, manipulative, narcissistic, vindictive.

Anyway, you should definitely move on. Even if this person is real it's not worth what you're being put through.

 

[m4st4]

I should really give up dating for a good while after my latest fiasco... I'm 35 and getting too old for some of the shit experiences I've been having for the last three years, after my last big relationship.

 

[Zombine]

Hey man, sorry about what you're going through.

I know you don't want to hear this (and have heard it before) but every little detail about your interaction with this girl tells me this is a catfish situation. Her posting pictures doesn't change that, and from what it sounds like even her 'pictures' have been off. Think back to every interaction and ask yourself if there was a time you could prove she was who she was showing you in these pictures.

Her attitude supports this theory - dismissive, abusive, easily offended, manipulative, narcissistic, vindictive.

Anyway, you should definitely move on. Even if this person is real it's not worth what you're being put through.

Click to shrink...

I appreciate the words. I was all in on team Catfish but I know where she works. We work in the same field and will at some point have to connect and work together. I know who her boss is. I truly believe that she is a) damaged from her last relationship and b) is insecure about he scars on her face that she has accidentally shown off in a more in the moment picture. She's very insecure about her voice (I've heard it a bunch—it's fine. It's cute. Not a catfish put on voice, it's just nice. But still to her she hates it. I felt the same way about mine before I started doing voice work. I know lots of people even on era that won't talk playing games for the same reason—insecurity about their voice.)

All of the pictures and videos do match up to a very specific timeline. She'll go out with her girlfriend to dinner, I will surprisingly get video of those two, and you can match up dresses, outfits, time stamps, etc. the pics she posted Friday (one of which was to very clearly piss me off) all matched up with the time of day, the local highway, and a local hiking area I know. She is very real, but also is in such need of professional emotional support. I kept pushing through to show her I was in it, but like you said, even as a non-catfish she is showing a lot of narc abuse.

 

[Glasgow Mega-Snake]

Hey, I actually got an intro from a woman on okc (who seemed really cool) which never happens.

Of course I was busy and only replied a day later (which... should be fine? But maybe not for reacting to intros as a guy), and then she didn't reply back

Ah, online dating

 

[Aprikurt]

I should really give up dating for a good while after my latest fiasco... I'm 35 and getting too old for some of the shit experiences I've been having for the last three years, after my last big relationship.

Click to shrink...

I have been having nothing but misadventures, screwups, and weird experiences since December - it's okay! Fiascos are a big part of it I think. You've literally just got to try and detach and not take it personally as much as possible. Like the girl who blocked me on everything hours before our date - I didn't take that personally, clearly a problem with her.

Dating breaks can be a very good thing, but honestly I've had to build up my resilience to bullshit a lot and just keep trying. With every screwup or weird event, I'm learning a little bit more about myself and other people - it's actually really useful from that perspective. I've had a lot of things go wrong, but very rarely the same sort of thing twice.

 

[m4st4]

I have been having nothing but misadventures, screwups, and weird experiences since December - it's okay! Fiascos are a big part of it I think. You've literally just got to try and detach and not take it personally as much as possible. Like the girl who blocked me on everything hours before our date - I didn't take that personally, clearly a problem with her.

Dating breaks can be a very good thing, but honestly I've had to build up my resilience to bullshit a lot and just keep trying. With every screwup or weird event, I'm learning a little bit more about myself and other people - it's actually really useful from that perspective. I've had a lot of things go wrong, but very rarely the same sort of thing twice.

Click to shrink...

Thanks for this kind post. Really appreciate it! Knowing myself, I'll never just dowright give up, but it's been a rough couple of years for sure. Various screwups, from both ends.

 

[Aprikurt]

Thanks for this kind post. Really appreciate it! Knowing myself, I'll never just dowright give up, but it's been a rough couple of years for sure. Various screwups, from both ends.

Click to shrink...

I guess the thing is it's easier to have more screwups than "victories", if that makes sense? Like you're meeting a bunch of people, more are going to be not for you than be for you... We're all in this crazy mess together honestly, and I guess the other thing is we have to sit down and admire ourselves for taking this sort of thing on; dating in the year 2022 is an absolute minefield, and you can't help but chuckle sometimes at the absurdity of it all.

 

[m4st4]

I guess the thing is it's easier to have more screwups than "victories", if that makes sense? Like you're meeting a bunch of people, more are going to be not for you than be for you... We're all in this crazy mess together honestly, and I guess the other thing is we have to sit down and admire ourselves for taking this sort of thing on; dating in the year 2022 is an absolute minefield, and you can't help but chuckle sometimes at the absurdity of it all.

Click to shrink...

Indeed, well said.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Hey, I actually got an intro from a woman on okc (who seemed really cool) which never happens.

Of course I was busy and only replied a day later (which... should be fine? But maybe not for reacting to intros as a guy), and then she didn't reply back

Ah, online dating

Click to shrink...

This isn't on you. she probably was sending out mass messages one day, and a guy with abs in his picture who doesnt actually exist responded first to her and is currently catfishing her.

this is 95 percent a joke, but its just a numbers and time game. on to the next! And keep working on your profile while you're at it :3 Always be trying to get new good pics of yourself!

Some women might be offended you took a day, some women might be weirded out that your message reply was too fast, or too long, or too short... its pointless to try to play to their preferences. just be yourself. A super vast majority of people, if they are well-adjusted, dont give a shit when and how you respond to them. Just match their reply cadence to be 100% sure if youre in danger of overthinking this stuff.

 

[Aprikurt]

I've been doing pretty well in terms of my attitude to dating lately, WAY better than when I had a burnout/meltdown a few pages back (cringe)... but I had the weirdest dream the other day where all my friends were talking about all the cool restaurants they'd been to with their SO, and I felt really sad; I do miss that, building experiences and going new places with a partner. Sure, I could eat on my own which I'm fine with, or take a friend, but my two friends (in a couple) go to fancy Michelin star places as a new experience all the time. Odd thing to miss, but dreams sometime speak to truth I guess.

Largely enjoying the freedom of being single, texting pretty intensely back and forth with this girl but we can't meet up for a couple weeks and she's already going a little cold; I'm not being cynical, but I definitely anticipate letdowns now and protect my feelings appropriately.

This isn't on you. she probably was sending out mass messages one day, and a guy with abs in his picture who doesnt actually exist responded first to her and is currently catfishing her.

this is 95 percent a joke, but its just a numbers and time game. on to the next! And keep working on your profile while you're at it :3 Always be trying to get new good pics of yourself!

Some women might be offended you took a day, some women might be weirded out that your message reply was too fast, or too long, or too short... its pointless to try to play to their preferences. just be yourself. A super vast majority of people, if they are well-adjusted, dont give a shit when and how you respond to them. Just match their reply cadence to be 100% sure if youre in danger of overthinking this stuff.

Click to shrink...

The thought of the truly overwhelming amount of men messaging any one girl might seem quite disheartening, but it's also kind of freeing/impersonal, and not a comment on you. It's literally a numbers game. One day you get lucky. I hope.

 

[Zombine]

I think I was able to find peace with that toxic piece of shit. She told me she didn't know why she unblocked me, and that she wants a real man who won't "degrade" her.

She dismissed everything I said was "LMAO" and "Adios, Zombine." "I don't even know why I unblocked you" and various other amazing lines. She said that I was never a "real" boyfriend after reflecting on all of the things I did (???).

 

[fenners]

I think I was able to find peace with that toxic piece of shit. She told me she didn't know why she unblocked me, and that she wants a real man who won't "degrade" her.

She dismissed everything I said was "LMAO" and "Adios, Zombine." "I don't even know why I unblocked you" and various other amazing lines. She said that I was never a "real" boyfriend after reflecting on all of the things I did (???).

Click to shrink...

You are so much better off without her + her toxicity in your life, mate.

 

[Zombine]

You are so much better off without her + her toxicity in your life, mate.

Click to shrink...

Thanks man. I'm actually pretty numb to it this round of badgering. What made me turn right off was when she mentioned "the next man" and how "she'll never let another man put her through what I put her through." Like…I truly don't know what universe she is existing in.

 

[Messofanego]

Thanks man. I'm actually pretty numb to it this round of badgering. What made me turn right off was when she mentioned "the next man" and how "she'll never let another man put her through what I put her through." Like…I truly don't know what universe she is existing in.

Click to shrink...

Whatever helps her close this relationship if she needs to make such accusations, and now you can move on to better people.

 

[Zombine]

Whatever helps her close this relationship if she needs to make such accusations, and now you can move on to better people.

Click to shrink...

Thanks man. I'm so sorry for bringing this in here but it was so upsetting. I got the close family/friend advice, but hearing it from others as well has helped.

I'm upset, but at least I can try to take comfort in the fact that I stayed true to myself, tried to make it work, and never took the bait on any of the jabs. I'm a really caring person and I deserve someone who wants to make the effort into seeing me.

 

[Messofanego]

Thanks man. I'm so sorry for bringing this in here but it was so upsetting. I got the close family/friend advice, but hearing it from others as well has helped.

I'm upset, but at least I can try to take comfort in the fact that I stayed true to myself, tried to make it work, and never took the bait on any of the jabs. I'm a really caring person and I deserve someone who wants to make the effort into seeing me.

Click to shrink...

No need to apologise! Talking about it with others helps, whether it's us or anyone else IRL. Exactly, that's the important thing that you recognise what you deserve.

 

[Zombine]

Lord, it's so awkward when you're on certain apps and there are people that are serially on them. Some of these folks have been active for 3 years+.

Currently there is this one person that tries to initiate with me over and over on hinge (because I've had multiple emotional crisises and I've deleted then restarted) and they can't take the hint that they aren't my type. :/

 

[Messofanego]

Lord, it's so awkward when you're on certain apps and there are people that are serially on them. Some of these folks have been active for 3 years+.

Currently there is this one person that tries to initiate with me over and over on hinge (because I've had multiple emotional crisises and I've deleted then restarted) and they can't take the hint that they aren't my type. :/

Click to shrink...

Is there no blocking/ignore feature on Hinge? I'm familiar with serial dating app users, I would be able to ignore them in some way but I didn't use the typical apps.