So, my head already knows the answer, but my heart wants something else. I just want your take on this situation:
I have been "dating" this girl that I met on Tinder after a very horrible breakup for about 9 months. I was not emotionally ready, but I needed to do something to get my mind off of my ex who suffered horribly with Bipolar and addiction issues. I was heartbroken and knew I couldn't remain with this person.
When we matched, this girl told me that she had just turned 25. It was a little younger than I had hoped, but she is employed in the same field as me, and is a home owner. We connected right out from the gate, I got her snap, we had some silly interactions, and I gave her my number.
"I will when I'm ready I promise." Of course I was not going to push her because it was so new, but she never text or called me. Jumping forward, we continued to communicate, and she mentioned to me that she had gotten out of an incredibly toxic relationship with her ex, and I connected with her that I went through something similar. She explained there was abuse involved, and I decided not to rock the boat, show her I'm okay, and let her get comfortable. I was in no rush as I had fresh wounds from my ex, and I totally didn't want to scare this beautiful and hurt girl away either.
I met her in early September, and after weeks of talking our first fight was right around…October? I had asked her to do something and her mood changed. "I said I will when I am ready why are you trying to force me." I backed down, and she blocked me on Snapchat.
I figured I had blown it, but I was so used to dating app experiences being goofy I just kind of shrugged and was like "well fuck my life I guess." And I "moved on."
A day or two later, she mentioned me on TikTok and I decided to engage with her there. We connected, she told me I hurt her feelings and wasn't sure why I didn't chase after her and that she was upset that I didn't "talk to her all day." I told her I was 32 and just didn't have it in me but if she still wanted me I would gladly have her back.
So we got "back" together, and periodically this sort of argument would happen when I asked her to call or text or do something with me. I would "chase" her like she asked, we would hash out the issue, and she would come back.
In between all of this, her ex would message her begging to have her back and she would show me the messages he sent, and her responses telling him that she had a boyfriend and to leave her alone. I let her know this this bothered me, and she said that she couldn't help it because he would continue to make burner accounts and message her on snap. I let it go, and we continued on.
Fast forward months, and still, no date. No call. No video. Nada. "I will when I am ready" was always the response, and she would get more and more vicious about it. Before you call her a "catfish," I can't really figure that part out. I know where she works. Her boss is very real. The pictures she posts to her Snapchat are/were very real. But still, she could never bring herself to see me and it would make me get in my head.
Before you say to me, "dude, what the fuck?" She's a 10/10. Absolute smoke. Plays games. Funny. Plays games with me (but won't use a mic), and when things are good we laugh and have a good time. But all while saying that…I do feel bread crumbed. Plans of the future, things of that nature were dropped but nothing ever came of it. But I figured that I wouldn't rock the boat and would try my best to show her that I am not like her ex, and am willing to be patient.
It's now almost July—no date. But it gets far worse:
So, I found that a few things were starting to bug me, and it was when she was telling me stuff about her ex, it was almost like she enjoyed the chase. He would send her dick pics, explicit shit, she'd block him, and show me the evidence. It still made me super uncomfortable, I told her, and she would get frustrated and say I don't trust her.
Then, I noticed her posting habits changing. She wouldn't send me any pictures, but was always quick to post things to her snap story. She said she only talked to me, I still had the Snapchat heart, but her score would ROCKET up. Like FLY up and I was like "who tf is this girl communicating with??????" I would ask her, she would say her family group chat, friend group chat, and that I wasn't trusting. I am trusting…but her lack of reciprocation and affection was getting to me. I would bring this up, she would get shitty and he like "here we go again, LMAO." Clear the chat, and block me. We would do this shit over and over.
I chase, she forgives, she's comes back, cycle starts again—but this time she said she's giving me "one last chance."
Jump forward a few days, and she sends me a message at 4am telling me she's stressed about school. This is genuine, I told her not to worry and just relax. I wake up, no messages. The day goes on, no messages. At 11am I check my snap and I see that she posted a pic of herself on her story and I'm like "dude you have got to be fucking kidding me."
So I message her, I asked if her anything was going on, she flips out and says she was only giving me one last chance, I blew it, and she was blocking me everywhere. She did.
She was nasty. Saying I was untrusting and always tried to force her to hang out. I told her I never got basic affection and if we did the bare minimum I wouldn't have always thought she was being unfaithful. I told her that her communicating with her ex (who said he was moving back here in 3 week back in May) kept popping up, and she was actively adding people off of instagram that had the sole intention of dating her. She said she can have friends and would call me shit, tell me to go fuck my self, etc.
I've left out some of the minor details like various times she went out with friends, blew off invites or got mad at me asking her to do stuff, and the time she got pissed off at me for adding some girl on snap who added me that I had no clue who it was. I walked her through the 1 minute convo step by step. I told the girl that I didn't know her, wished her well, and unadded her. My girlfriend said I wasn't trustworthy and added another girl "real fast."
I just can't win. I couldn't win. And she was blocking me like crazy on burners that I created to explain myself. It worked before but "not this time." "When I'm done I'm done and I'm deleting you from my life and will never talk to you again. I will block all of your accounts."
Totally different vibe this time…and yet…here I look and I'm unblocked on my main account. What the fuck is this? She hasn't replied, and has been completely MIA in general and I'm sort of worried. I know I shouldn't be, but after all of that she…unblocked my account???? What's the deal?
Not to mention, prior to that when I was blocked, on Friday she posted a picture of her in a car and she had my city location in the corner. She was in my hood but still never made an attempt to hang out.
What the fuck was this? I legit don't get any of it. My friends, my family, everyone tells me I'm better than this but something keeps me going back. I've posted a thread about my struggles dating with BPD that is directly about her as well, but I am absolutely at a loss now. I just don't know anymore and have no clue why someone who was so definitive would unblock me??? What's the game here? I can't figure any of this out at all.
Edit: the reason I mentioned her age was that she told me she had turned 25 and that her birthday was in May, but when time came to celebrate her birthday she wouldn't do anything with me and posted a picture with her mom and her sister that said something about her turning 27. Like WHAT????
I have been "dating" this girl that I met on Tinder after a very horrible breakup for about 9 months. I was not emotionally ready, but I needed to do something to get my mind off of my ex who suffered horribly with Bipolar and addiction issues. I was heartbroken and knew I couldn't remain with this person.
When we matched, this girl told me that she had just turned 25. It was a little younger than I had hoped, but she is employed in the same field as me, and is a home owner. We connected right out from the gate, I got her snap, we had some silly interactions, and I gave her my number.
"I will when I'm ready I promise." Of course I was not going to push her because it was so new, but she never text or called me. Jumping forward, we continued to communicate, and she mentioned to me that she had gotten out of an incredibly toxic relationship with her ex, and I connected with her that I went through something similar. She explained there was abuse involved, and I decided not to rock the boat, show her I'm okay, and let her get comfortable. I was in no rush as I had fresh wounds from my ex, and I totally didn't want to scare this beautiful and hurt girl away either.
I met her in early September, and after weeks of talking our first fight was right around…October? I had asked her to do something and her mood changed. "I said I will when I am ready why are you trying to force me." I backed down, and she blocked me on Snapchat.
I figured I had blown it, but I was so used to dating app experiences being goofy I just kind of shrugged and was like "well fuck my life I guess." And I "moved on."
A day or two later, she mentioned me on TikTok and I decided to engage with her there. We connected, she told me I hurt her feelings and wasn't sure why I didn't chase after her and that she was upset that I didn't "talk to her all day." I told her I was 32 and just didn't have it in me but if she still wanted me I would gladly have her back.
So we got "back" together, and periodically this sort of argument would happen when I asked her to call or text or do something with me. I would "chase" her like she asked, we would hash out the issue, and she would come back.
In between all of this, her ex would message her begging to have her back and she would show me the messages he sent, and her responses telling him that she had a boyfriend and to leave her alone. I let her know this this bothered me, and she said that she couldn't help it because he would continue to make burner accounts and message her on snap. I let it go, and we continued on.
Fast forward months, and still, no date. No call. No video. Nada. "I will when I am ready" was always the response, and she would get more and more vicious about it. Before you call her a "catfish," I can't really figure that part out. I know where she works. Her boss is very real. The pictures she posts to her Snapchat are/were very real. But still, she could never bring herself to see me and it would make me get in my head.
Before you say to me, "dude, what the fuck?" She's a 10/10. Absolute smoke. Plays games. Funny. Plays games with me (but won't use a mic), and when things are good we laugh and have a good time. But all while saying that…I do feel bread crumbed. Plans of the future, things of that nature were dropped but nothing ever came of it. But I figured that I wouldn't rock the boat and would try my best to show her that I am not like her ex, and am willing to be patient.
It's now almost July—no date. But it gets far worse:
So, I found that a few things were starting to bug me, and it was when she was telling me stuff about her ex, it was almost like she enjoyed the chase. He would send her dick pics, explicit shit, she'd block him, and show me the evidence. It still made me super uncomfortable, I told her, and she would get frustrated and say I don't trust her.
Then, I noticed her posting habits changing. She wouldn't send me any pictures, but was always quick to post things to her snap story. She said she only talked to me, I still had the Snapchat heart, but her score would ROCKET up. Like FLY up and I was like "who tf is this girl communicating with??????" I would ask her, she would say her family group chat, friend group chat, and that I wasn't trusting. I am trusting…but her lack of reciprocation and affection was getting to me. I would bring this up, she would get shitty and he like "here we go again, LMAO." Clear the chat, and block me. We would do this shit over and over.
I chase, she forgives, she's comes back, cycle starts again—but this time she said she's giving me "one last chance."
Jump forward a few days, and she sends me a message at 4am telling me she's stressed about school. This is genuine, I told her not to worry and just relax. I wake up, no messages. The day goes on, no messages. At 11am I check my snap and I see that she posted a pic of herself on her story and I'm like "dude you have got to be fucking kidding me."
So I message her, I asked if her anything was going on, she flips out and says she was only giving me one last chance, I blew it, and she was blocking me everywhere. She did.
She was nasty. Saying I was untrusting and always tried to force her to hang out. I told her I never got basic affection and if we did the bare minimum I wouldn't have always thought she was being unfaithful. I told her that her communicating with her ex (who said he was moving back here in 3 week back in May) kept popping up, and she was actively adding people off of instagram that had the sole intention of dating her. She said she can have friends and would call me shit, tell me to go fuck my self, etc.
I've left out some of the minor details like various times she went out with friends, blew off invites or got mad at me asking her to do stuff, and the time she got pissed off at me for adding some girl on snap who added me that I had no clue who it was. I walked her through the 1 minute convo step by step. I told the girl that I didn't know her, wished her well, and unadded her. My girlfriend said I wasn't trustworthy and added another girl "real fast."
I just can't win. I couldn't win. And she was blocking me like crazy on burners that I created to explain myself. It worked before but "not this time." "When I'm done I'm done and I'm deleting you from my life and will never talk to you again. I will block all of your accounts."
Totally different vibe this time…and yet…here I look and I'm unblocked on my main account. What the fuck is this? She hasn't replied, and has been completely MIA in general and I'm sort of worried. I know I shouldn't be, but after all of that she…unblocked my account???? What's the deal?
Not to mention, prior to that when I was blocked, on Friday she posted a picture of her in a car and she had my city location in the corner. She was in my hood but still never made an attempt to hang out.
What the fuck was this? I legit don't get any of it. My friends, my family, everyone tells me I'm better than this but something keeps me going back. I've posted a thread about my struggles dating with BPD that is directly about her as well, but I am absolutely at a loss now. I just don't know anymore and have no clue why someone who was so definitive would unblock me??? What's the game here? I can't figure any of this out at all.
Edit: the reason I mentioned her age was that she told me she had turned 25 and that her birthday was in May, but when time came to celebrate her birthday she wouldn't do anything with me and posted a picture with her mom and her sister that said something about her turning 27. Like WHAT????