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Not invited to a party my wife was invited to? Implied invited or nah?

Timeaisis

Timeaisis

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,139
Austin, TX
Disclaimer: this is more of a question of manners and social etiquette than anything else. I'm not going because I'm playing Sekiro all night anyway. But I am curious.

Here's the situation:
My wife was invited to a party tonight at a coworkers house. I've met them all before but I don't know them super well. We've done a few things socially with some of the folks but I wouldn't consider any my "friends". My wife tells me that most of them think I'm a quiet person, which is true for people I don't know very well, but I find a rude implication.

Anyway, the party is tonight. My wife insists that I'm invited, that it's "implied", however another coworkers significant other was invited explicitly, which gives me pause. I'm not going anyway because I think it's rude to not invite someone and then assume that person would come, if that's what they are doing. Alternative is I'm just not invited period, and then I'm being rude for just showing up uninvited.

Tl;dr Was not invited to my wife's coworkers party. I am of the opinion I'm not invited period. My wife thinks I'm implied invited, which I find somewhat rude if that is the case. Other spouses have been invited explicitly. Which is it?

Thoughts era?
 
Dan

Dan

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,963
How well do you know these people? Do you actually want to be there? Or are you just a bit put aside because you were not specifically invited?

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it, but offer to your wife to pick her up at the end of the evening and pop in and say hi.
 

NuclearCake

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
9,867
If they didn't invite you then it's pretty safe to assume that you are not invited. I wouldn't go either even if it was the case that it's implied.
 
Nugnip

Nugnip

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,744
If you don't want someone's SO at your party, you have to explicitly say it. Everyone's SO is implicitly invited.
 
OP
OP
Timeaisis

Timeaisis

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,139
Austin, TX
Dan said:
How well do you know these people? Do you actually want to be there? Or are you just a bit put aside because you were not specifically invited?

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it, but offer to your wife to pick her up at the end of the evening and pop in and say hi.
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Not very well, but I've hung out with them before (with my wife). Like I said I think they likely think I'm quiet and don't like them because I'm just an introverted guy around people I don't know. Which leads me to believe I'm not invited.

And whether or not I want to actually be there. Maybe? I would go if I were invited, but at this point I'm more put off to the whole thing and not going.
 

Deleted member 2625

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,596
Almost certainly implied.

Why do you keep finding things "rude"? Like, are you actually quiet? That's not a rude observation
 
OP
OP
Timeaisis

Timeaisis

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,139
Austin, TX
Famassu said:
Asking is a thing that A-dults do. Occasionally.
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Unfortunately this is out of my control because I don't see them! But yea something my wife prolly should have done.

jontin said:
This right here. Now you just have to decide if you want to go.
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I've already decided I'm not, in the OP. More curious about perception of this vs others, which is why I posted it.

The issue with the implied invite is that multiple spouses were explicitly invited but not me. So that gives me pause. It's normally something I would think though.
 
Br3wnor

Br3wnor

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
4,982
Is this a wedding? Were there written invites? If this is just a normal party then inviting your wife means you're invited, are you expecting them to reach out to you separately to invite you? That makes absolutely no sense. Don't over analyze this dude
 
Imthefunmachine

Imthefunmachine

Member
Dec 6, 2017
622
Los Angeles

Deleted member 16876

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
39,148
If you don't want to go then don't.

Though assuming this is a "couple party" then you are invited anyway. This is how it is in my circle of people.
 
Masoyama

Masoyama

Attempted to circumvent a ban with an alt account
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
5,648
Of course you are invited. Unless they tell you specifically that its only the coworkers I always assume I am inviting their SO.

On the other hand, if you feel like you want to go, I no one is going to notice unless you are specifically asked to come.

Look at it this way, if they invite her but not you, then you can do whatever you want and no one would think its weird.
 
CrankyJay

CrankyJay

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
11,318
You guys are missing an important tidbit. Other spouses were explicitly invited while the OP wasn't.
 

Deleted member 9479

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
2,953
I mean yeah it's generally implied but yeah if other spouses were explicitly invited and you weren't that would make me wonder too.
 
Wood Man

Wood Man

Member
Oct 30, 2017
5,449
Unless they specifically say you're not invited it's implied you are since you're married. But you got a fun new game. You come out winning.
 
Z-Beat

Z-Beat

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
31,858
Well obviously your coworker's trying to get with your wife.


Serious answer, maybe they're just better friends with that other coworker's spouse. I don't think anyone would be mad if you showed up.
 
onyx

onyx

Member
Dec 25, 2017
2,530
If my wife is invited and I'm not mentioned I always take as if I wasn't invited. I didn't go to a wedding my wife was invited to but I wasn't. The invite only had my wife's name and didn't mention a plus one . I met the bride before and my wife and I went to the church with her mother. Even the bride's mother didn't know if my invite was intended or not.

It's usually not a big deal for me because I'm not a social person anyway. I do attend some events only my wife is invited to, because I like to feel like I'm crashing from time to time.

Fake edit: Some people are saying that the spouse invite is implied but that's not always true. I've seen the faces when I showed up with my wife and wasn't invited.

My wife does custom invites as a side business and I know people leave the spouse off on purpose as hint sometimes.
 
astro

astro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
57,034
If I invite a married person to an event and I don't know their SO well, it's always an invitation to both.
 
Garfield

Garfield

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 31, 2018
2,772
You got a free out, take it watch Netflix....win win
 
PopsMaellard

PopsMaellard

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
3,363
Nugnip said:
If you don't want someone's SO at your party, you have to explicitly say it. Everyone's SO is implicitly invited.
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Nah, this is bullshit. I've always hated it when mutual friends invite either me or my partner to do something, but not both of us, and expect us both to show up.

We're individual people. If you want to hang out with me, ask. It's not like it's hard to turn "would you like to come to this thing" into "would you and your SO like to come to this thing" if you actually want both of them there.

Also OP, stay home and enjoy your time away from these assholes. Can't even be bothered to invite you specifically and then they're labeling you "quiet" just because you're not aggressively outgoing around some people that you don't know at all? Nah. Big yikes to be sure.
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

Refuses to Wash his Ass
Member
Oct 26, 2017
22,173
Maybe you are quiet and so whenever you are brought to these gatherings you don't make friends but your wife's coworkers' partners do thus they get invited explicitly. Dude, OP, go or do you want your wife to make an excuse as to why you didn't go but the real reason is you are at home sad because you weren't explicity invited. Like, I go to things my fiance is invited to that I'm not, but it's never an issue.
 
Sayre

Sayre

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
728
In general if you are married then it is implicit that you are invited as well if your spouse is as well. The only times when that is not true if it is a formal event and they specify invitations of +1 or not.

If there were spouses specifically invited it may have been just that one spouse or they just happened to have mentioned it. Or the relationship is different.

Having said that, it's not a big deal if you don't go, but in the future you don't have to second guess it.
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

Refuses to Wash his Ass
Member
Oct 26, 2017
22,173
PopsMaellard said:
Nah, this is bullshit. I've always hated it when mutual friends invite either me or my partner to do something, but not both of us, and expect us both to show up.

We're individual people. If you want to hang out with me, ask. It's not like it's hard to turn "would you like to come to this thing" into "would you and your SO like to come to this thing" if you actually want both of them there.

Also OP, stay home and enjoy your time away from these assholes. Can't even be bothered to invite you specifically and then they're labeling you "quiet" just because you're not aggressively outgoing around some people that you don't know at all? Nah. Not worth it.
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Jesus. What's that quote about being normal again?
 
DiipuSurotu

DiipuSurotu

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
53,148
onyx said:
If my wife is invited and I'm not mentioned I always take as if I wasn't invited. I didn't go to a wedding my wife was invited to but I wasn't. The invite only had my wife's name and didn't mention a plus one . I met the bride before and my wife and I went to the church with her mother. Even the bride's mother didn't know if my invite was intended or not.
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Wedding is different because inviting someone basically means paying like $100 of food for that person. No one has infinite money so at some point it's perfectly okay to draw the line somewhere and not invite the people that you know the least to keep the total sum reasonable.

OP's party is not a wedding, however.
 
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