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What motivates people to have children?
- Thread starter ToddBonzalez
- Start date
My story is close to this, only 2 kids.
We waited until we had had a ton of fun as a childless couple, and then decided to have a kid. It made us immensely happy, not that we weren't before.
Kids are fun.
Kids are engaging.
Kids are fulfilling.
But all that said, don't have kids if you don't want one, and don't feel pressured by anyone. I imagine having a kid you're ambivalent about would make things very very hard.
it'll give me something to do in my 30s now that all my friends are grown up and newer video games dont particularly work for me.
i always assume post saying they dont want kids and lacking any basic form of empathy to understand why others would want them is due to this forum having a weird mix of older folks from GAF and 20 year olds who still haven't learned to think about others and understand others thoughts/feelings.
i always assume post saying they dont want kids and lacking any basic form of empathy to understand why others would want them is due to this forum having a weird mix of older folks from GAF and 20 year olds who still haven't learned to think about others and understand others thoughts/feelings.
Same here. We didn't plan it. But we are happy we kept our daughter. It's an amazing experience raising a child.
However, it's also the hardest thing I ever did.
I have two kids.
Biological desire to see my progeny.
Selfish desire for joy. :)
Desire to have a family with my wife.
Wanting to add some innocence to the world and to remind myself of how pure life can be.
Mostly selfish desires, but I think people do most things for selfish desires. And that doesn't have to be seen as a negative.
Kids are a beautiful thing...when they're not driving you utterly insane.
Biological desire to see my progeny.
Selfish desire for joy. :)
Desire to have a family with my wife.
Wanting to add some innocence to the world and to remind myself of how pure life can be.
Mostly selfish desires, but I think people do most things for selfish desires. And that doesn't have to be seen as a negative.
Kids are a beautiful thing...when they're not driving you utterly insane.
I agree. With a kid the highs are higher, but the lows are lower as well.
I'm pretty sure I've said it before on this board, but it's like being in a relationship. When you're in a relationship, spending quality time with your SO can feel better than anything you can do while single, but at the same time a fight or rough spot with that person can make you feel worse than anything when single.
Kids are kind of the same emotional rollercoaster, but even more so. I'm happy with my kid, but I won't judge those who choose not to have kids in their lives, for the same reason I won't judge people who choose to stay single.
Welcome to Resetera where someone is legitimately confused about this.
People find meaning and joy in their kids. You might as well ask why do people get in relationships because a lot of hardship comes from that too. I look forward to the day of having kids and my parents doting on them. Will things be difficult, yeah but damn doesthe prospect excite me.
People find meaning and joy in their kids. You might as well ask why do people get in relationships because a lot of hardship comes from that too. I look forward to the day of having kids and my parents doting on them. Will things be difficult, yeah but damn doesthe prospect excite me.
I wouldn't call not having kids a failure. I would call your comment one though.
I agree with this.
After many discussions with numerous parents it boils down to no fucks given selfish choice. It's all about what that person wants without a thought or care elsewhere.
Oh and 'maybe my kid will solve the current crysis'
Heard that one more times than I can count.
I dont think most parents plan it out to the extent that you can glean a motivation. That comes after the kids are already there. I think they probably go more with the flow and let things happen more than they or we realise. And i dont think that there is anything wrong with that. It just is.
I imagine it's a feeling of fulfillment that you can't put into words or even really grasp until you've actually experienced it. The fact I don't know what exactly I'm missing out on while knowing full-well about all of the drawbacks (coupled with me having kind of a rocky relationship with my own parents + planet Earth going to shit in general) is why I'm not really interested in having children myself though.
This is not the only reason for me, but as I got closer to 40, imagining the rest of my life filled with all the same shit I did from 18-40 began to seem pointless and frivolous. I just wanted more than movies, videogames, etc. It also helped that I was with someone I loved and we had the means to support a child.
Now I have a 2 year old, and I'm sleep deprived and miss my free time. What can I say? The grass is always greener on the other side? It's a cliche, but I wouldn't give her up for anything. I would step in front of a bus to save her life...she just means everything to me. Shit's hard, though.
Now I have a 2 year old, and I'm sleep deprived and miss my free time. What can I say? The grass is always greener on the other side? It's a cliche, but I wouldn't give her up for anything. I would step in front of a bus to save her life...she just means everything to me. Shit's hard, though.
Oh sure there is a selfish side to it. Hopefully also a responsibility. Wanting to be a great parent and try and raise a great person.
Kind, openminded, helpful, positive, sceptic, emancipated, curious, righteous, and what else.
Yeah we reproduce. We're not unlike other living creatures. Doesn't mean you have to. But the choice is up to you.
Do think it through though. Take it seriously. A kid ,at the very least, deserves that much.
OP
OP
I've been in a relationship for a little while. Gf and I had a quick conversation about kids once. Both of us instantly said having kids didn't appeal to us and that was that lol.
My kids have made me a better person; a better listener, more empathetic, more generous with my time, more patient with challenges and difficult people. I'm much better off having them in my life (and I think people who interact with me daily are as well), no regrets.
I'm not a parent, but am very close with my parents & have long serious talks with them every now and then & even though I know I've never been the easiest daughter, especially my dad always tells me how he loves me more than anything else in the world and will do so no matter what, that he's incredibly proud of me & that I make him the happiest father in existence. And frankly my parents' love for me makes life worth living just enough to not give in to suicidal thoughts so they in return also make me very happy. Having children is surely not an easy task, but I'm sure it's 100% worth it when you'll have someone who you love unconditionally and who makes you happier than anything else and see them grow up and know that you made it possible. Parental love is much different than love for your friends or a partner and some people are just not made for that/capable of that I suppose.
that was that? oh you sweet summer child
people's desire to have kids is known to change over time. my gf and I also instantly rejected the idea 10 years ago
GTFO with you wanting enlightenment. You aren't here to actually discuss anything. Fucking troll.
When you're in your 70's, who is going to want spend time with an old fart?
If you raised them right, they'll stick by you and help you out.
When you die, they'll at least miss you.
I'll throw out some ideas.
Let's take out of the equation:
1) Biological imperative;
2) Side effect of sexual drive (assuming you don't believe in or want an abortion - i.e., an "oops baby");
3) Societal pressure.
All of which are MASSIVE pressures within themselves.
A cynical and/or depressingly realistic view is that many people need the "meaning" in their life. And I'm using a somewhat atypical definition of meaning in this context. For a lot of people, the only way they can feel important in life is to have a child, a being that, at least for a time, is entirely dependant on them, looks up to them, loves them unconditionally, and to whom they can teach and be seen as a figure of authority.
Similarly, having a child that ends up more successful than them can be seen as their biggest accomplishment in life. In the grand scheme of things, you can be an entirely mediocre person who contributes virtually nothing to history, on a relative basis, but having a slightly more successful child can make it feel that your life has enormous meaning and worth.
"Purpose" is another idea that fits in line with the above two. If you work in a job that isn't impactful, or you don't have any interests/hobbies that drive you in a purposeful way, a child can give you that.
Nostalgia and familiarity can also be a big factor. Most people have very fond memories and ongoing experiences being part of a family: vacations, holidays, learning to ride a bike, etc. and so on, so they want to continue/re-experience those feelings as an adult.
Let's take out of the equation:
1) Biological imperative;
2) Side effect of sexual drive (assuming you don't believe in or want an abortion - i.e., an "oops baby");
3) Societal pressure.
All of which are MASSIVE pressures within themselves.
A cynical and/or depressingly realistic view is that many people need the "meaning" in their life. And I'm using a somewhat atypical definition of meaning in this context. For a lot of people, the only way they can feel important in life is to have a child, a being that, at least for a time, is entirely dependant on them, looks up to them, loves them unconditionally, and to whom they can teach and be seen as a figure of authority.
Similarly, having a child that ends up more successful than them can be seen as their biggest accomplishment in life. In the grand scheme of things, you can be an entirely mediocre person who contributes virtually nothing to history, on a relative basis, but having a slightly more successful child can make it feel that your life has enormous meaning and worth.
"Purpose" is another idea that fits in line with the above two. If you work in a job that isn't impactful, or you don't have any interests/hobbies that drive you in a purposeful way, a child can give you that.
Nostalgia and familiarity can also be a big factor. Most people have very fond memories and ongoing experiences being part of a family: vacations, holidays, learning to ride a bike, etc. and so on, so they want to continue/re-experience those feelings as an adult.
My son started crawling today. My wife sent me this video.
It was awesome (to see after he had failed the whole hands and legs move together for a couple weeks)!!
There's no feeling like watching them hit milestones. I love it.
It was awesome (to see after he had failed the whole hands and legs move together for a couple weeks)!!
There's no feeling like watching them hit milestones. I love it.
I believe the stats are something like almost half of all pregnancies are unintended? No motivation needed, nature finds a way! My husband and I had always wanted children, our motivation was just because we wanted to have our own family. It's nice to know that when we're older we'll have children/grandchildren to visit with as well. Dying at an old age and alone without any family seems rather depressing. Raising your own kids versus watching or interacting with strangers children is also a different experience. Personally, I am not a fan of other children at all, but I love my own and it's a different feeling entirely with them.
At some point those children grow up. They could be bill gates, martin luther or jobs.
[
Your being ignorant if you think mankinds destiny is on one stranded to one planet.
That's beautifully put. Also, most people love to complain. My friends with kids complain about their kids. My child-free friends complain about their jobs. My single friends complain about being single.
The BEST. Look at that little bubie go
Also a perfect answer to the OP's question
Congrats!
Mine just learned to say hi a few days ago.
Relatives were saying hi and waving to him, and then suddenly he gave a huge smile, reached both hands out and went "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii".
Now he does it every time I say hi to him. He greeted me with it this morning. It's great.
This might seem like a joke but its true. Dont want to be that 80 year old staring at kids on them streets wishing you has your own grand kids to come visit..
My GF and I had the same conversation seven years ago. Now we are in our mid-thirties, married and working on having a kid. People change.
No joke.
Every night/early morning, for years, I hear from neighbor apartment, a bedridden old mother and his old son, yelling to each other for some random reason.
And my time to get in this situation of nursing is getting very close... Enjoying living independently while I can.... So that's why I decided to not have a children.
I plan to adopt someday with my boyfriend. You never know--the person who could help mitigate the crisis may not be born yet, or is waiting to be adopted.
Though I suppose that line of thinking is more damaging where procreation is concerned.