She made sure to mention she has a boyfriend so she knew what was up
It's a great idea, I think. People want correspondence that's personalized and fixed. It's meaningful.
She was working the register today when I came through. I only asked her if she had any fun weekend plans. She got pretty excited and started telling me about a hike and camping spot she is visiting with her boyfriend..
My response was basically like "oh that sounds awesome, I hope you have a good time!" (inside I was kicking myself but thanking the gods I didn't bring origami)
Then she asked "What about you?" and my response was a bit of a mess I think lol. I said I was gonna relax and play some video games (sigh) I guess I could have mentioned I'm learning origami too, but oh well.. she's taken, that's that
Silver lining, I was able to discover this organically and without making her uncomfortable I assume
I'm sorry if I'm wrong, and I don't want to nitpick spelling.
I'm sorry if I'm wrong, and I don't want to nitpick spelling.
This is just because I'm not sure if you maybe meant something different... but do you mean bouquet, or is there something called bokeh that I don't know?
Are people really saying you should never ask anyone out at their workplace? I mean if that's literally the only place you see/know them from and you like them and want to know if they like you, what on earth should you do? Wait outside? That's creepy, send a random facebook request? Again, creepy as hell.
Your only option is to either broach the subject while at the workplace or just say nothing and potentially miss out on an amazing relationship.
There's no harm in simply asking someone out, it's how you go about it that matters.Simply asking if they would be interested in grabbing some coffee or something sometime? All they have to do is say yes/no/they are seeing someone.
I kinda feel like I'm taking crazy pills because I've known several coworkers that went out on dates with customers.
This was like 1999-2007 in the pre tinder and mostly pre social media days though so are things super different now that makes this the worst thing ever?
How would you feel about someone who cruses businesses for dates?I worked at a grocery store for a couple of years and was asked out a few times. I did not find it creepy either. Was flattered tbh. I'm curious if the OP was a woman and the cashier was a male would this be as creepy to some?
Damn...This is pretty simple if you have any social awareness.
Next time you go to check out with her, ask her if she'd like to grab coffee or dinner sometime
If she says sure, ask if you can text her later to set it up and grab her number. Success.
If she says no or isn't interested, say "no worries, have a great day!" And continue on knowing she wasn't into you.
No origami. No waiting around for her to get off work. No weird interactions. Jeez
How would you feel about someone who cruses businesses for dates?
I worked at a grocery store for a couple of years and was asked out a few times. I did not find it creepy either. Was flattered tbh. I'm curious if the OP was a woman and the cashier was a male would this be as creepy to some?
I kinda feel like I'm taking crazy pills because I've known several coworkers that went out on dates with customers.
This was like 1999-2007 in the pre tinder and mostly pre social media days though so are things super different now that makes this the worst thing ever?
So imagine I'm the other person. How can I know how you took my rejection, it seems to be fine at the moment. But I also know you're a regular customer and you'll be coming back and I will have to interact with you, but now it's with knowledge you want or at least wanted something more from me.While it could be bad taste to bother someone on the workplace, some of the responses here seem overblown. There's a big difference between being a creeper and being forward and asking someone out. Just be cool with the answer and understand you're not owed a date either way if you get declined. If the person you're asking seems uncomfortable, apologize and leave em be. Just have some self-awareness.
What the hell? This topic has been brigaded by people saying that it's some type of predatory sin to ask someone out at their place of work. Sounds like an exaggeration. I stick by what I said earlier.
Again, if someone is simple and tactful with it, there's no issue. In the case of the OP, if he's checking out of line, as she prints the receipt or is scanning the last item, asking her out for coffee casually ("hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?") isn't going to force her in a position where she can't say no. If she says "I'm not interested" or "sorry, I have a boyfriend" then that's that. Wish her a good day, and you continue out of line with the knowledge she's not interested.
So imagine I'm the other person. How can I know how you took my rejection, it seems to be fine at the moment. But I also know you're a regular customer and you'll be coming back and I will have to interact with you, but now it's with knowledge you want or at least wanted something more from me.
Things could go well and there's no harm done, I might accept the apology and go on with my life. But things could also go wrong, I don't know you, so I really don't know if I can trust your apology.
Self-awareness is good, but you also need mutual understanding. In all the cases of asking someone out there are two people involved, not just one.
It's a risk, yes. I don't know how the other will react and vice versa, so there has to be safety available. They shouldn't have to deal with me if they so choose, it's fine if they want to but it's not reguired. In working environment it's really easy to put someone on the spot with no possibility to escape. I'm not saying hooking up with someone working can't happen, I've gone out with my regular pub's bartender, but it happened only after it was well established that there was more in play than just common courtesy.Honestly, that's the risk of almost any situation where you can ask someone out that you see daily. That's general social interaction and most of us get through our lives fine engaging in it. If I'm in there shopping and not bothering anyone after, then it seems a bit much to immediately be a ball of nerves over the interaction. Having been approached on the job, I can't say I'd be all that concerned unless someone gave me a specific reason to be. That said, I think it's a situation that could be uncomfortable for anyone and that people should err on the side of caution in either case if they're not sure.
It's a risk, yes. I don't know how the other will react and vice versa, so there has to be safety available. They shouldn't have to deal with me if they so choose, it's fine if they want to but it's not reguired. In working environment it's really easy to put someone on the spot with no possibility to escape. I'm not saying hooking up with someone working can't happen, I've gone out with my regular pub's bartender, but it happened only after it was well established that there was more in play than just common courtesy.
The thing is though if you are or aren't being creepy is not something you can self proclaim. That's entirely on the person you are talking to to decide. If someone says you're being creepy then 9/10 times you're being creepy. It's not as simple "just apologize" since it's simple for YOU but the other person has no idea how you're going to take that rejection and now they might have to interact with you everyday.There's a big difference between being a creeper and being forward and asking someone out. Just be cool with the answer and understand you're not owed a date either way if you get declined. If the person you're asking seems uncomfortable, apologize and leave em be. Just have some self-awareness.
The thing is though if you are or aren't being creepy is not something you can self proclaim. That's entirely on the person you are talking to to decide. If someone says you're being creepy then 9/10 times you're being creepy. It's not as simple "just apologize" since it's simple for YOU but the other person has no idea how you're going to take that rejection and now they might have to interact with you everyday.
Nobody can read your mind. Nobody can tell if you're just trying to "be cool" or not. Consider the other person.
Never ask romantic questions to someone who can't literally run away from you.
Parties? Good.
Bars? Good.
Social hangouts? Good.
Concerts? Good.
Workplace? Bad. If she wants to get away from you, she has to walk off the job and maybe get fired.
That is literally the whole point behind the Implication bit from Always Sunny. Dennis knows they can't say no, so he forces consent via the context of where he's asking her.
I worked at a grocery store for a couple of years and was asked out a few times. I did not find it creepy either. Was flattered tbh. I'm curious if the OP was a woman and the cashier was a male would this be as creepy to some?
Of course if you flip the genders, it's different because men don't get hit on at a frequent basis. There's a power dynamic. If you got hit on daily and at inconvenient times or circumstances, then really would you still be flattered? We as men can't really speak for female customer servicing workers.Let us flip it around.
Is it weird if she were to ask him on date?
"Hey, I get off work at 6, wanna go grab some coffee?"
I could see a similar issue wherein "I am just trying to shop for groceries not have you try to objectify me"
There has to be a middleground.
And I think it does come down to: is the attraction real.
In either scenario, if both people do have a connection, and there is mutual interest, it isn't weird at all.
The problem comes from people assuming a connection where there isn't one, more so than what scenario do you ask someone out.
Of course if you flip the genders, it's different because men don't get hit on at a frequent basis. There's a power dynamic. If you got hit on daily and at inconvenient times or circumstances, then really would you still be flattered? We as men can't really speak for female customer servicing workers.
You're basically trying to force these weird scenarios and "what ifs" into what I'm saying.
If you ask someone out for coffee and they say no or they have a boyfriend, then you just "oh ok have a good day" and go on about your day, you do not need to make it creepy or do anything else after they say no.
So many people in this thread are making this out to be more then it is or using some weird "scenario" where the person asking them out is crazy/a stalker/violent and that they'd need to physically "run away" from this person asking them if they'd like to grab a drink. These types of things can happen with ANY social interaction involving this, rather it be from tinder, at a club, on vacation, etc. If someone asks you out and they are a stalker or something worse it does not matter where they ask you out, nothing is gonna change that sadly.
I don't know where on earth this is the "normal" reaction to asking someone out, almost anyone I know that is a couple or married met either at:
1. Their workplace (co-workers or random people they met while working)
2. Bars
3. HS sweethearts
To me it'd feel safer then even using tinder, you don't know what you're walking into with that. At least this way you've seen the person/interacted with them for a bit and built up somewhat of a general feel for them to know if you're attracted or not and if you say no you're around other people and not alone worse at their house or yours (like how many Tinder hookups happen).
We as men can't really speak for female customer servicing workers.
The wonders of male privilege.Tell that to the extremely large number of men who believe this is exactly the sort of thing they can speak for. Asshats.
I feel like I'm missing something. Why are we assuming that OP is going to hound a person or be predatory or freaking get the girl fired if she says no?You're not quite seeing it.
If this girl turns this guy down, she can be fired. Because she's working customer service, and he can just freak out and cost her her livelihood.
Yes, people can freak out wherever. But in a public place like a party or bar, you don't have to worry about your job.
That's coercive. This girl in this story was taking a legit risk if she said no. In abar, at worst, she has to go to another bar. You can't go to another job.
I feel like I'm missing something. Why are we assuming that OP is going to hound a person or be predatory or freaking get the girl fired if she says no?
Well your situation (boss asking a direct report) is a lot different from the one in the OP (repeat customer who has interacted with multiple times).We aren't!
That's irrelevant though. If my boss asks me to go out, he may be chill if I say no! But I can't assume that. To do so is to bet my job on his demeanor.
Again, this is all the Implication bit from Always Sunny. The situation makes consent unclear.
You're being really obtuse. The principle is the same. The cashier, the worker, the whoever cannot assume that you are going to take rejection well. What is so hard to understand about this?Well your situation (boss asking a direct report) is a lot different from the one in the OP (repeat customer who has interacted with multiple times).
If OP asked if he should ask out his subordinate I would say "HELL NO. FUCK NO."...that's one of the shittiest situations around and any boss who would do that doesn't deserve to be a manager (much less a leader).
Feel like the quick drop of "I have plans with my boyfriend" was super intentional and what most girls do in this situation.