Why do men of late feel they need to be super attractive and wealthy in the succeed in the dating scene?

[Brokofiev]

6 feet, 6 inches, 6 figures as the saying goes right?

personally, After getting back into shape and having not been in a relationship for the last 22 years. This shit nowadays is a total dumpster fire. I'll gladly be alone for life, than deal with this clusterfuck called socialization in 2023 . I'm in the best shape of my life in my early 40s and making good money. I'd 100% rather play my steam backlog, self improve more, or do my hobbies like art and learning more programming than risk it all with another person. I'm out 👏. The funny thing is since I've decided this, I'm actually getting more interest… go figure 😂

Click to shrink...

It's probably because a.) you're more interesting now that you have a more diverse range of interests, and b.) when you meet women you're just viewing them and treating them as normal people instead of potential romantic partners. This is pretty much the entire key to the whole puzzle.

I know people are calling those of us who are anti-dating-app "boomers," but I haven't been single for more than a year since I was 19 (36 now, been with my current partner for almost nine years), and I honestly think I've been so successful because I've never met women while immediately and constantly holding mindset of "can this person be a viable girlfriend?" I just made friends with them like they were a normal person and then it turned into something more.

Also worth noting that I am definitely not attractive; I'm a touch overweight and very hairy, the two worst things I've been told a man can be. I'm tall. That's the only thing I have going for me, physically.

 

[AllChan7]

I'm fortunate enough to get a few matches here and there but I rarely go on dates. I do enjoy my single life but I will admit that if I put more effort into dating, I probably would have a girlfriend by now. But the stats that have been posted seem spot on.

Like I have a female friend who gets matches like it's nothing. She's decently attractive but she gets all sorts of guys talking to her and wanting to meet for hook ups. Dating apps definitely have a disparity when it comes to women vs men getting matches and that's due to a number of factors one being how women have more freedom to pick and choose who they want their partners to be. They don't have to be picky as women now have just as much if not more economic power than men. This is a great thing btw but I think too many men get caught up in the whole lookism part of it. Like I understand wanting to improve yourself but the obsession with it has caused some men to lock themselves out of a happy and healthy relationship.

More so, I've talked to a lot of women online when it comes to this and most just want a a genuinely good guy who can take care himself and his responsibilities. I think I fit that bill. I'm just too shy lol

 

[Neo C.]

So many things are societal stigmas though, we would get crazy trying to keep up

Click to shrink...

That's true, but it's like my biggest checkbox left empty, lol. Everything else I have in my control (health, career, monetary assets etc.) I got the social approval stamp.

 

[FFNB]

Those features are are seen as shortcuts to someone giving them attention. Nevermind, that these people may be fakes or just plain not compatible with them, but matches are matches.

"Having a good personality" or "worked on yourself" is a lot harder.

EDIT: As a queer person, the importance of height in the Straight People's Dating World will always baffle me. Height has never crossed my mind as a defining criteria for evaluating a potential partner, casual or serious. Why is this a thing? Tall ladies exist and are awesome. Short kings exist and are awesome. Hard to imagine missing out on meeting someone and getting to know them because of this.

Click to shrink...

I'm straight and short, and I don't understand it myself.

When I was in my teens and early 20's, I hated being short, but as I've gotten older, especially now that I'm in my 40's, being short doesn't bother me. It hasn't for about 2 decades now?

Point is, I don't have a preference for height myself. Most of the women I've dated have been taller than me, with the exception of my first girlfriend after my divorce, who was shorter than me.

It's just not something I think about when evaluating a partner. But I HAVE noticed that on dating apps, my height has been a disqualifying factor, which is largely the reason I no longer use dating apps. No luck after 4 years of trying was enough for me to see that those apps aren't for me, especially these days

I prefer meeting someone, getting to know them as a friend, and let things grow and evolve from there if that's where things are heading. I have no expectations when it comes to relationships. Maybe it's because I was in a 14.5 year relationship and have a different mindset nowadays. I learned a lot from my marriage, and grew so much as a person!

 

[Deleted member 36578]

There is someone out there for everyone. The trick is finding that person and dating apps are a horrendous way to go about it. They aren't completely without value but they're out of control. Hell social media in general has unfortunately made a lot of people more self conscious than ever. But seriously, no matter how you hard you are on yourself, there is someone out there that will find joy in being around you.

 

[bshark]

On a related note, I've been pretty shocked seeing the rise - and frankly staggering popularity of people like Adin Ross and Andrew Tate amongst young men, who essentially perpetuate the alpha male narrative all over social media.

I was coaching in a youth tournament recently, and literally every kid was quoting Tate, even after he got arrested. It was kind of crazy.

 

[FFNB]

Okay then let me ask you directly: setting aside the number of matches your handsome friend gets, how many do you get? How many dates are you managing currently? How long have you been at it? If the answer is "once every few months and I've been looking for years" I am genuinely sorry because that's fucking frustrating and demoralizing, but unless I'm missing some data on that side of things, I don't think that's typical either. If it is "A few a month" then I just think that's a really reasonable rate and you are just in the process now. Between various relationships I've had that lasted from 3 months to almost 2 years I went stretches of six, eight, ten months without anything steady, but I was constantly meeting new people.

Click to shrink...

I can only speak to my personal experiences, but I can count how many matches I've gotten on one hand, out of thousands of swipes a month for years. Out of those matches, I've only gone on one date, and it was fun, but there was no chemistry, so we went our separate ways.

As for me, I'm short, I'm black, but I have a great job and make good money, I'm physically active and exercise and work out, but have had no luck over the past few years on dating apps.

Hilariously, my ex girlfriend was a friend of mine I had known for years before we started dating. I had a crush on her for about two years before we started dating, and I told her I had a crush on her, and it didn't go anywhere at the time. She promised she'd get back to me about it, and never did.

Until about two years later. She didn't start expressing romantic interest in me until I started cataloging my fitness journey, lost some weight, started developing chest muscle, abs, and shoulders, and suddenly, after being encouraged by my best friend to post a shirtless weight journey update after I showed her my progress (we were both on weight loss journeys at the time, so we'd share progress pics!), I started getting a lot more attention from my lady friends, and in particular, my crush. She then told me she wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with me, and that was that.

I'm not a shirtless selfie kind of person, but damn did it not boost my confidence being told how good I looked after a lifetime of never being complimented on my physical appearance, like, ever. I was always praised for my personality traits (sense of humor, empathy, kindness, honesty, etc), but never my physical appearance! It was so wild to be on that end of the fence for a change. So weird lol

I didn't post any shirtless pics on my dating app profile, because that just seems so damn ridiculous to me, but I do sometimes wonder if that'd have made a difference? And I do wonder if I was significantly taller, if that would have even more of an effect on my match numbers? In either case, dating apps crushed my confidence after years of trying, so I don't bother anymore! I'm much happier just doing my own thing and working on myself, and eventually I'll meet someone that I click with. I'm not terribly worried about it

 

[chaostrophy]

Interesting potential solution from a city in China: a state-sponsored dating app. I wouldn't be surprised if the apps in the US are awful because of their relentless profit motive and would be better at actually matching people up if they were set up with that as their core mission, rather than just a means to make money like everything under capitalism. I'm curious if it will end up as a success there.

 

[Nooblet]

Interesting potential solution from a city in China: a state-sponsored dating app. I wouldn't be surprised if the apps in the US are awful because of their relentless profit motive and would be better at actually matching people up if they were set up with that as their core mission, rather than just a means to make money like everything under capitalism. I'm curious if it will end up as a success there.

Click to shrink...

This is really it at the end of the day, if these apps were good then people would uninstall them and be out of the dating scene quick.

 

[Gavalanche]

No matter whether people use those apps or not, the expectations are nowadays higher. And I would be ok with that if being single wasn't a societal stigma. :/

Click to shrink...

I don't think it is? I was single for ten or so years (out of choice, I thoroughly dislike dating) and I never got that impression. Maybe it depends where you are I guess.

I don't really drink either and that for sure is a societal stigma. I get asked about it constantly, and I find it so weird.

 

[Dyle]

Interesting potential solution from a city in China: a state-sponsored dating app. I wouldn't be surprised if the apps in the US are awful because of their relentless profit motive and would be better at actually matching people up if they were set up with that as their core mission, rather than just a means to make money like everything under capitalism. I'm curious if it will end up as a success there.

Click to shrink...

If I were to guess, subsidized apps would be just as bad at getting people to connect but users would be happier with the time spent on it. You'd still likely have poor gender ratios and people struggling with selection paralysis and curating their profile which are the main issues with the modern apps.

The way that app allegedly sets people up for blind dates at least seemingly wouldn't cause those latter problems, though that means relying on some algorithm, which is always a big gamble

 

[meowdi gras]

Also worth noting that I am definitely not attractive; I'm a touch overweight and very hairy, the two worst things I've been told a man can be.

Click to shrink...

A touch overweight and very hairy are hardly the worst things a man can be. My ex-boyfriend was both those things and I loved it.

 

[Hilarious_Bearious]

I think the problem for a lot of men is mostly just "red pill" bullshit coupled with the abstract, impersonal nature of dating apps. Also being alone with a man is a huge fucking risk for a woman. Women get straight up murdered by "nice guys" online. If you can't prove you're a safe bet, what else are you doing to demonstrate the you're worth the risk?

While things may have changed, I feel like people were always pretty bad at matching up but now we have more awareness and metrics? Like I fizzled out with or was rejected by dozens (scores? Surely not hundreds?) of girls and women. The sheer logistics of getting out and meeting people, interacting in real life, phoning, texting etc really limited my opportunities for failure. And even if I did strike out, that time spent with people could sometimes lead to opportunities with somebody else (e.g. you might get to know and hit it off with a friend of somebody you were courting, or they might even recommend you to somebody). Now you can signal your interest to a thousand people an hour and get rejected by all of them, and then see the bloody stats. How disheartening.

To be fair, I've been on out of the game for 12+ years, so feel free to dismiss me with an "OK boomer".

Also worth noting that I am definitely not attractive; I'm a touch overweight and very hairy, the two worst things I've been told a man can be. I'm tall. That's the only thing I have going for me, physically.

Click to shrink...

As meowdi gras said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with this, and will infact be some people's preference. Some people want to slide up against a sleek, shredded action figure, some people want a bearmode lumberjack to split them like a rotisserie chook. Everybody has different tastes, they're all valid and no body type is "the worst". I'm tall, muscled with a bit of fat on top and have a hairy body, it definitely is quite a few people's type.

 

[JesseEwiak]

Most young men are single. Most young women are not.

More than 60 percent of young men are single, nearly twice the rate of unattached young women, signaling a larger breakdown in the social, romantic and sexual life of the American male. Men i…

thehill.com

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The actual reality behind this study is that the actual majority of this difference is not poor men being left by women all dating older, rich men, but a difference in what relationship means.

Dude who hooks up with a girl a couple of times a week, watches Netflix with her, and goes out drinking, but hasn't deactivated his Tinder - "oh yeah, me and Molly are hanging out."

Same thing but in reverse - "Yeah, Bily and I are dating."

There. That's the difference. It's such an obvious difference that comedians have been making fun of it for decades.

There are issues with dating, but this study does not say what people think it does.

 

[Corsick]

Most of the explanations seem plausible, but not singularly hitting the nail on the head. I don't really think any one reason can do that honestly. I'd say it's a multitude of factors that are coming to a confluence due to the asymmetrical nature of attraction and dating standards. Because not everything and everyone is on equal footing, you're going to have odd disparities like this. I just don't know how you fix it from a societal level even if dating apps disappeared. I feel like the rise of the internet in general is just as much to blame. You can disconnect from society and other human beings so much more easily that it becomes more and more convenient to justify not even trying to meet people anymore. I know that's what I've been guilty of. Women are demonstrably better at maintaining social circles and staying engaged with other people, so the ability to relate and socialize well with others is a general weakness of men overall I believe. That's carried over into dating among other aspects of life.

 

[Naphu]

I hear the comments that men are focusing on the easy to identify/shallow traits instead of working on their relationship skills or personality. I think that makes sense. To add to it though, and I won't comment on what might be the cause, but I do think it's true that men do generally have a harder time getting that swipe right than women do. (Not that women don't have their own unique dating challenges/expectations.) In person, a guy at least has an opening line, a joke, a first conversation but on apps it's a 1 second glace at your picture which conveys your attractiveness and perhaps your status, then you get swiped for the next picture.

In that sense, if you're a man that sees weeks or months go by with no swipes, what are you going to work on? Something that gets your foot in the door with a 1 second glace. Yeah there's more important things to self-improve on but on apps, their worth only shows themselves on the actual date or in the relationship. Social media already gives everyone unrealistic self-image issues, but getting zero swipes confirms them in your brain, even if it's blown out of proportion.

 

[sun-drop]

supply and demand really ...

i mean even if you are just looking at the biological practicality of "dating" .. it limits supply of available women for sex at least. Guys can fuck someone different each night if they had the option, girls, don't feel comfortable doing that for a number of practical physical reasons. Guys also in general more desperate and will fuck anything, go to town any night of the week and you'll see it.

I'm solo poly, I think it works best for modern-day life. But I wonder if that contributes to the problem or is a solution.

 

[Neo C.]

I don't think it is? I was single for ten or so years (out of choice, I thoroughly dislike dating) and I never got that impression. Maybe it depends where you are I guess.

Click to shrink...

I get asked quite often by my extended family, directly or indirectly. Also the whole society is geared towards bigger households. Japan is the only country I know where you can buy all the items at the size for a single household.

 

[Gavalanche]

I get asked quite often by my extended family, directly or indirectly. Also the whole society is geared towards bigger households. Japan is the only country I know where you can buy all the items at the size for a single household.

Click to shrink...

Oh you are right about the family stuff actually, hadn't even really thought about that. Everyone does make comments over Christmas.

 

[Mediking]

I'm actually in the dating market and I see what's going on all the time. I'm hesitant to even say anything because it could easily sound I'm like I'm rambling and generalizing when I honestly do have experiences (both positive and negative) with dating.

 

[jdstorm]

I can only speak to my personal experiences, but I can count how many matches I've gotten on one hand, out of thousands of swipes a month for years. Out of those matches, I've only gone on one date, and it was fun, but there was no chemistry, so we went our separate ways.

As for me, I'm short, I'm black, but I have a great job and make good money, I'm physically active and exercise and work out, but have had no luck over the past few years on dating apps.

Hilariously, my ex girlfriend was a friend of mine I had known for years before we started dating. I had a crush on her for about two years before we started dating, and I told her I had a crush on her, and it didn't go anywhere at the time. She promised she'd get back to me about it, and never did.

Until about two years later. She didn't start expressing romantic interest in me until I started cataloging my fitness journey, lost some weight, started developing chest muscle, abs, and shoulders, and suddenly, after being encouraged by my best friend to post a shirtless weight journey update after I showed her my progress (we were both on weight loss journeys at the time, so we'd share progress pics!), I started getting a lot more attention from my lady friends, and in particular, my crush. She then told me she wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with me, and that was that.

I'm not a shirtless selfie kind of person, but damn did it not boost my confidence being told how good I looked after a lifetime of never being complicated on my physical appearance, like, ever. I was always praised for my personality traits (sense of humor, empathy, kindness, honesty, etc), but never my physical appearance! It was so wild to be on that end of the fence for a change. So weird lol

I didn't post any shirtless pics on my dating app profile, because that just seems so damn ridiculous to me, but I do sometimes wonder if that'd have made a difference? And I do wonder if I was significantly taller, if that would have even more of an effect on my match numbers? In either case, dating apps crushed my confidence after years of trying, so I don't bother anymore! I'm much happier just doing my own thing and working on myself, and eventually I'll meet someone that I click with. I'm not terribly worried about it

Click to shrink...

Congrats on the health journey.

Just a reminder that the apps are algorithm driven and how you interact with it affects your experience. You can manipulate the algorithm to help find what you're looking for if you're smart.

Use key words in your profile, and swipe left far more than you swipe right. It helps keep your like:match ratio good and that being high shows you to more "desirable" people

 

[Valkerion]

It's definitely dating apps where your comparing to the 1/1000000 person in there who has a Porsche, 5 bedroom , 20 pack abs, and 2 4090 pcs. This is also reinforced by the wrong people who seem desirable but have way skewed ideas of what they want. See 2 4090s chad. Not to mention apps are there to make money first, match second

With everyone judging at a glance , the desire to be judged positively immediately stands apart in our heads.

In reality we're all pretty dang average usually. Just some of us take better pics, or had a good hair day, or have a better job etc. doesn't mean we're not a better fit for the person we hopefully eventually will meet.

I stopped using dating apps and have stuck to in person attempts and it's been way better. Then again I have time to go out to group venues these days

 

[R1CHO]

Part of it come from the manosphere women haters rethoric and influence.

Part of it is natural selection amplified by dating apps. Of course it's the easiest time ever for hot people to have multiple dates and meet several other persons, and time is finite, so a higher percentage of "dates" is going towards a smaller percentage of "people". Like money! 🤣

 

[subpar spatula]

Without googling, men, what is "mental load" and do you think you got that down?

 

[Fat4all]

ive never been the type to gussy up to try and get a date or sommit, rather make friends with folks more than anything

 

[Zen]

Becoming well-to-do and conventionally attractive is a surefire way to at least feel you have a shot at something, someday, maybe, for a lot of guys. It's a way to measure progress without just banging your head against dating apps over and over, where the dude to dudette ratio is comically imbalanced.

 

[ClickyCal']

Your posts in this thread speak truth but is being ignored by the OP because they just want to make more threads about men being unsuccessful on dating apps to perpetuate the preconception and stigma of how horrible and unrealistic it is for "all men."

Click to shrink...

Yeah, tbh I agree with this.

 

[kevinking94]

I think its because being super attractive and wealthy DO help in dating. I mean that's pretty obvious. It's a shallow way of looking at things but men and women are both and can both be equally as shallow.

Appearances are literally THE first thing a majority of people see, whether people want to admit it or not lol and as some have said, dating apps definitely play a part in that.

 

[Magneto]

It's 100% social media and dating apps, these apps always have a surplus of men compared to women which leads to some real fuckery. Women on dating apps have the privilege of being extremely picky which absolutely destroys the confidence of even the most average looking men. This phenomenon is almost exclusively on dating apps, in real life meetings men and women seem to have more equal standards, people really need to get the fuck off those apps, they're terrible for a lot of people's mental health.

Click to shrink...

Yup, 100%.

 

[brawndolicious]

Without googling, men, what is "mental load" and do you think you got that down?

Click to shrink...

My guess without looking it up is that it describes the ability to give empathy and support to anyone in trouble. I just assumed that because that can be an emotionally tiring process for anyone but especially those who are confused about what to do in that situation.

According to the interwebs:

Mental load definition: mental load is the cognitive effort involved in managing your work, relationships, a family, and a household. Mental load is the whole bundle of details you manage throughout the day. It has to do with your responsibilities, formal or not, as well as the decisions you have to make.

Click to shrink...

I was way off but now I'm not really sure why you brought that up in this thread. Isn't dealing with that type of issue pretty gender-neutral?

 

[Wally_Wall]

I'm 43 and now single. Got divored at 38 and had a relationship from 39-40 and another at 42 years old. Not sure it's relevant but the first relationship was with a 30yo and 2nd was with a 29yo. Didn't really go searching for any specific age but these were women I met in person. I'm on all the dating apps and have went on quite a few dates but nothing ever materialized beyond 3 or 4 dates. I do have 3 children so I can see that being daunting for potential women who may want to date me and I completely understand. I'm not short (5'10) and am in exceptional shape if we're being honest. I don't make great money but I make enough to support my children who I have 95% of the time and survive the never ending bills that continue coming. I will say from my personal experience that these dating apps are unhealthy for society as a whole as far as I'm concerned. Likes come very infrequently and matches are even more infrequent. It's to the point where I'm wondering what exactly these people are looking for. My problem is I'm an introvert and not much into getting out there and meeting people which I admit is my issue. I always have way more success in person and people do tend to enjoy my company so I know it's not my appearance or anything like that. I'm not sure what's going on with these apps but I do know it's not healthy looking for a partner as if you're shopping for a car, constantly quickly swiping left and right. Maybe it's an issue of women having so many options that they can wait for that "perfect" dude that checks all their boxes. Idk really but I do know for myself these apps are basically useless.

 

[Lost Heaven]

Because everyone wants to date a famous Instagram model, instead of going for a normal woman.

 

[Sacul64]

Yeah I heard that if you're under 6 feet tall you may as well not even bother.

Thats why there are men legit undergoing horrible bone lengthening surgery to become taller.

Click to shrink...

I literally get laughs from people when I show them I drop an inch out of my shoes, I'm 5.5.

 

[NekoNeko]

Yeah I heard that if you're under 6 feet tall you may as well not even bother.

Thats why there are men legit undergoing horrible bone lengthening surgery to become taller.

Click to shrink...

yeah on dating apps it's brutal. can really be though if half the profiles call you subhuman because you are under 6 feet lol. i found in real life women don't care as much.

 

[Oghuz]

If you aren't tall and handsome then it is best to avoid meeting women via dating apps or social media. Much better chance to go out and meet them in real life via school, work, hobbies or ask your family/friends to set you up. Real women have lower standards than online (same might go for men by the way).

 

[Dr. Mario]

The funny thing is, a lot of these current day problems absolutely do have real world analogs, or, analog real worlds, or, er...

I'm forty now and long out of the dating game, so take this old geezer's account with a grain of salt, but a lot of the complaints of current online dating definitely predates online dating. I was looking at pictures of when I was twenty the other day and holy shit I was gorgeous. I knew I was decently good looking, but, while not a model I could definitely pass for an 8. But I didn't realize it at the time because I'm also 5'10 and therefore was sexually frustrated for all my adolescence, young adulthood. (but 5'10 is decently tall? Not where I live, in the Netherlands, who are on average the tallest in the world.... because of sexual selection so yeah.) (of course I was also an introverted nerd who couldn't small talk for the life of me, probably a much bigger problem at the time, but to indicate that looks aren't a surefire win.) People also forget that online you have a bigger chance to connect with people before they know your real height than in real life.
So what did young guys like me who couldn't get a girl do in the late nineties, early noughties? This is a very NW Europe thing, but it's similar to American Spring Break, these guys went to Spanish beach resorts to find romantic/sexual activity, to Salou, Lloret de Mar, Mallorca. A holiday love that could spin out into something more. These were dating apps avant le lettre; places you went to get a partner in the pre-internet days. So me and some high school buds went there and... it's the exact same thing as Tinder. 90% men, trying to get lucky with 10% women, and you could imagine most of those really didn't care for the constant harassment (and me I certainly didn't like acting like those men), so there was a very small pool who had lots of male attention, and the rest of us resorted to just having a nice holiday instead (also great of course).
Much later when I was already in a committed relationship did I learn that if you look for a date, you go where women like to be, not where men hype each other up to be. Don't go to spanish beach resorts, go to quaint little italian villages in the countryside, and the gender distribution flips completely. I'm sure there are similar equivalents in online communities as well. Don't go to tinder where people are needy and desperate, find affinity spaces where people coalesce around naturally. This is always old person advice that feels like it's hopelessly out of touch, but in my experience it's also true. Do something you like, meet other people who like the same thing, best basis for a date.

 

[subpar spatula]

My guess without looking it up is that it describes the ability to give empathy and support to anyone in trouble. I just assumed that because that can be an emotionally tiring process for anyone but especially those who are confused about what to do in that situation.

According to the interwebs:



I was way off but now I'm not really sure why you brought that up in this thread. Isn't dealing with that type of issue pretty gender-neutral?

Click to shrink...

Most men assume women will take care of all the mental load and planning. I even see it with other fathers. They'll say, "she's on mat leave and I'm tired when I get home so it's hard to cook dinner".

I think a lot of men need to think how to be responsible first then try to date. An easy way to tell if you aren't that responsible is if you cannot turn off the TV or put down the game when you need to do something (but she shouldn't have to tell you to do these things). There's a reason why so many women say they're not going to be a mother figure. There is truth to that. So many men out there just cannot take care of themselves and it shows, so why would someone want to partner with that especially if a long term future is insight?

 

[karl's wood]

Guys being fixated on height as a reason they can't get a date always seemed like a bit of a cop out to me. Like, it's really convenient that the sole thing stopping you from completing Tinder is an arbitrary metric you have no control over rather than your personality or lack thereof.

I've literally never met a single woman irl who says height matters to them. Know what they do dislike though? Guys who bring it up because they just *know* they're gonna be insufferable about it.

Like I've met women who put "Must be over 6ft" or something in their bio just because they were sick of shorter guys lying about their height. Not because their actual height mattered but because lying about something so easy to disprove is a massive fucking red flag.

Even in abstract discussions like this there'll always be a guy who sees height mentioned whose first response will be to quote a bunch of stats about taller men making more money or something. Blissfully unaware that them having a bunch of facts memorised about why it sucks to be short and being immediately, aggressively defensive about it reeks of insecurity and negativity. Two things I'm sure are far less attractive to a greater number of women than height.

 

[Magneto]

Guys being fixated on height as a reason they can't get a date always seemed like a bit of a cop out to me. Like, it's really convenient that the sole thing stopping you from completing Tinder is an arbitrary metric you have no control over rather than your personality or lack thereof.

Click to shrink...

... what ? So now it's somehow guys fault ? Lmaoooooooo

 

[Teusery]

Guys being fixated on height as a reason they can't get a date always seemed like a bit of a cop out to me. Like, it's really convenient that the sole thing stopping you from completing Tinder is an arbitrary metric you have no control over rather than your personality or lack thereof.

I've literally never met a single woman irl who says height matters to them. Know what they do dislike though? Guys who bring it up because they just *know* they're gonna be insufferable about it.

Like I've met women who put "Must be over 6ft" or something in their bio just because they were sick of shorter guys lying about their height. Not because their actual height mattered but because lying about something so easy to disprove is a massive fucking red flag.

Even in abstract discussions like this there'll always be a guy who sees height mentioned whose first response will be to quote a bunch of stats about taller men making more money or something. Blissfully unaware that them having a bunch of facts memorised about why it sucks to be short and being immediately, aggressively defensive about it reeks of insecurity and negativity. Two things I'm sure are far less attractive to a greater number of women than height.

Click to shrink...

I like the posts focusing on what people can do personally, but this is a little ridiculous. Height is absolutely a thing for guys and dismissing it is about as ridiculous as dismissing western beauty standards being imposed on women

Both are widespread, in real life and in media, have studies, etc.

 

[Lord Fanny]

Guys being fixated on height as a reason they can't get a date always seemed like a bit of a cop out to me. Like, it's really convenient that the sole thing stopping you from completing Tinder is an arbitrary metric you have no control over rather than your personality or lack thereof.

I've literally never met a single woman irl who says height matters to them. Know what they do dislike though? Guys who bring it up because they just *know* they're gonna be insufferable about it.

Like I've met women who put "Must be over 6ft" or something in their bio just because they were sick of shorter guys lying about their height. Not because their actual height mattered but because lying about something so easy to disprove is a massive fucking red flag.

Even in abstract discussions like this there'll always be a guy who reads a post like this whose first response will be to quote a bunch of stats about taller men making more money or something. Blissfully unaware that them having fact memorised about why it sucks to be short and being immediately, aggressively defensive about it doesn't reek of insecurity and negativity. Two things I'm sure are far less attractive to a greater number of women than height.

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I mean, I definitely think it's fair to say that it's probably not as big a deal as it's made out to be by some, but to be frank, you have to massively naive to honestly believe this, especially the part about women who only put that in their profile to filter out guys or whatever. And your last paragraph is almost nonsensical to the overall point. Like what does that have to do with anything?

 

[Dr. Mario]

Guys being fixated on height as a reason they can't get a date always seemed like a bit of a cop out to me. Like, it's really convenient that the sole thing stopping you from completing Tinder is an arbitrary metric you have no control over rather than your personality or lack thereof.

I've literally never met a single woman irl who says height matters to them. Know what they do dislike though? Guys who bring it up because they just *know* they're gonna be insufferable about it.

Like I've met women who put "Must be over 6ft" or something in their bio just because they were sick of shorter guys lying about their height. Not because their actual height mattered but because lying about something so easy to disprove is a massive fucking red flag.

Even in abstract discussions like this there'll always be a guy who sees height mentioned whose first response will be to quote a bunch of stats about taller men making more money or something. Blissfully unaware that them having a bunch of facts memorised about why it sucks to be short and being immediately, aggressively defensive about it reeks of insecurity and negativity. Two things I'm sure are far less attractive to a greater number of women than height.

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I agree it's mostly in people's heads, and men especially have a way of making things much worse talking among themselves than what's important in real life. Though personally I learned that this is a thing from women, not from men. My mother is 18cm (about 7 inches) taller than my father, so I grew up thinking height differences didn't matter at all, until I heard from dates that it was definitely this very important thing to them. I never really tried dating women taller than me after that, even though as said I personally have zero problems and would consider it pretty normal if a woman would be taller than me.
Also your anecdote doesn't really make sense, they put "must be over 6ft" to stop people lying? They should write "must be over 4ft" to stop people lying, now they're just perpetuating it. Feels more like they're shifting blame.

 

[Spinluck]

View: https://youtu.be/vK4y6C1Uuhw

I honestly didn't know it was this bad.

I feel like I'm in a bubble. I'm a 30yr old single introvert in Chicago and haven't had any issues dating. Nothing serious has come from my dates but that has been by choice.

Video seems a bit doomerish but I guess that's the point. This topic seems to have been a talking point for years.

 

[brawndolicious]

Most men assume women will take care of all the mental load and planning. I even see it with other fathers. They'll say, "she's on mat leave and I'm tired when I get home so it's hard to cook dinner".

I think a lot of men need to think how to be responsible first then try to date. An easy way to tell if you aren't that responsible is if you cannot turn off the TV or put down the game when you need to do something (but she shouldn't have to tell you to do these things). There's a reason why so many women say they're not going to be a mother figure. There is truth to that. So many men out there just cannot take care of themselves and it shows, so why would someone want to partner with that especially if a long term future is insight?

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That's a topic that gets considered once two people have already been dating, not in the swiping stage. There are dudes in this thread talking about going over five years on these apps without a date, clearly they're not getting to the point where they can show that they aren't going to be sucky partners.

 

[Spinluck]

As much as people are saying that women are going after the top guys, the same applies for men. I know a lot of men who get hung up on a girl who's wrong for them instead of going after the one they'd be in a great relationship with who actually likes them back.

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This 10000000%

 

[Lord Fanny]

Also your anecdote doesn't really make sense, they put "must be over 6ft" to stop people lying? They should write "must be over 4ft" to stop people lying, now they're just perpetuating it. Feels more like they're shifting blame.

Click to shrink...

Lol, yeah, I can't help but feel kind of sorry for someone who would believe that uncritically. Imagine some dude saying, "Yeah, man, I only a maximum weight for women because I really need that filter because it's all their talk about and somehow they will know that it's just a test and even if they are more than that they will still message me." You'd smell that bullshit a mile away. They put it there because they want guys who are tall but don't want to tell you (especially if you're a guy) that because they don't want you to think they are shallow or assholes.

Some people just really...are something.

 

[Dr. Mario]

View: https://youtu.be/vK4y6C1Uuhw

I honestly didn't know it was this bad.

I feel like I'm in a bubble. I'm a 30yr old single introvert in Chicago and haven't had any issues dating. Nothing serious has come from my dates but that has been by choice.

Video seems a bit doomerish but I guess that's the point. This topic seems to have been a talking point for years.

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"The problem is the taxes are too low, there are no third places anymore, we need massive government investment in young people, more child support etc"
[blank stare as cogs are turning] "So, social media huh, must be a huge reason for this"

Ha, good video. Was a bit worried that this would be another Jordan Peterson type, but it does seem a bit plausible that women on average started dating older because the middle class is shrinking, while they become richer and men of their age poorer.

 

[JahIthBer]

It might be very different in other parts of the world but where i live guys with no jobs seem to have more girlfriends than ones with jobs funny enough. I have grown to believe social circle is the number one thing for a guy or girl to have to get into the dating scene in the 20's age group. Tinder/dating apps do make it much easier for girls to hook up and for sure that does make it a tad more difficult for the cliché non 6'7 jacked guy.

The 30's age group is massively different and more even, by that time a lot of guys have developed a good personality, social group and career. The large number of single men is a teenage/20's thing because a good chunk of them are just smoking pot and playing LOL.

 

[subpar spatula]

That's a topic that gets considered once two people have already been dating, not in the swiping stage. There are dudes in this thread talking about going over five years on these apps without a date, clearly they're not getting to the point where they can show that they aren't going to be sucky partners.

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Naw, you can even tell during the first encounter.

If someone is going 5 years without a date then it is either for a lack of trying or they are an extreme outlier in which their living circumstances and life do put them at a much lower chance of meeting someone.

 

[entremet]

Naw, you can even tell during the first encounter.

If someone is going 5 years without a date then it is either for a lack of trying or they are an extreme outlier in which their living circumstances and life do put them at a much lower chance of meeting someone.

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So there are straignt women in this circumstance too. Just check TikTok, which is more female dominated platform than Reddit, etc.

There are women that haven't been asked on dates for years! And, yes without getting shallow, many are also conventionally attractive.

We need to stop with the shaming of folks that have a hard time with dating. Yes, many times it is due to certain things, but many perfectly good people have trouble dating and finding love. They're not weird. They're not "freaks". They don't have bad breathe, etc.