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Im a little bit thicker than average, condoms used to tear, and were really difficult to put on without air in the tip. These slide on, and because they fit exactly you dont really feel them, or slide off. Lube quantity is sufficient but not too much.
We have basically one namebrand manufacturer over here that you can get everywhere. They sell extra thin ones that you're not supposed to feel. Turns out, if its your size, thats not a problem.
Its like finally wearing shoes in the correct size, lol.
Yeah, My.Size Condoms are great. Especially if you're outside the norm.
Sorry to hear about things with your wife. Now that you're flying solo make sure to spend some time by/on yourself before diving back in. And don't be afraid to allow yourself to grieve and process the relationship. 8 years is a long time to be with someone else. Even though your wife cheated on you, I'm sure there are good memories (in addition to the bad) that you shared with her that will creep up on you when you're not expecting it. When they do happen just let yourself sit with them and any associated emotions. It helps.
Hey sorry you had to go through that but happy to hear that you've moved past it.
Glad to have you here.
Haven't really heard from her much the past two days, yeah something is definitely up... I'm going to drop this unless something changes on her end and just meet other women.
My relationship is still generally good, but our sex life has kinda fallen off a cliff lately (we've been together just over 2 years). We used to do it a couple times a day, and even when we were a year to a year and a half in it'd usually be 5 times a week at least. But this past weekend we didn't fuck at all for instance, and weekend before that only once.
Not like it's her fault - my libido hasn't been as strong lately and neither of us end up initiating things. But it kinda bums me out cause we had such a great sex life before. Hopefully it's a temporary rut but I'm worried we're turning into an old married couple already. Hopefully we just need to put more effort in and try new things to get that spark going again.
Not like it's her fault - my libido hasn't been as strong lately and neither of us end up initiating things. But it kinda bums me out cause we had such a great sex life before. Hopefully it's a temporary rut but I'm worried we're turning into an old married couple already. Hopefully we just need to put more effort in and try new things to get that spark going again.
Man, it's completely shocking to me that people can consistently have sex multiple times a day.
When you say "lately" what does that mean exactly? If it's just been this weekend and the last, it might just be a rut that will solve itself. If it develops into a pattern and clear downward trend, then I think you have a problem. Putting more effort in should also certainly help, it's easy to fall into the same routine when you have sex with a long term partner so you start to take certain things for granted. Try mixing it up a bit. If it continues even then, definitely have a talk about it.
Also it's pretty normal that overtime couples have less sex. It really depends on how much is too little for you.
Doesn't matter if I pay for it all, but if she doesn't offer to split then that is pretty much it for me.
Yup, I'm not going to make a scene, but if she doesn't offer to split off the bat, it's major negative points in my book. We don't live in those times anymore.
For meals specifically? I split most of the time. The only time I really pay for a meal (at least with normal dating) is if the girl is some significant distance from me and comes all the way to where I am to go out. Like I went to a local restaurant in my neighborhood with a girl who had to drive some 45+ minutes to get to there. So I offered to pay for the meal. Though to be fair, I do this with some of my friends too.
Is asking my co-worker out for a formal work ball off-site too straight-forward or a friendly invite?
We also worked on same project before and share the same open office room.
We're somewhat friendly co-workers at best. We never talk outside the crowded office too.
The more I think about this the more problems I find. Maybe I can ask another co-worker who worked with us and I'm close with if she think its a good idea?
We also worked on same project before and share the same open office room.
We're somewhat friendly co-workers at best. We never talk outside the crowded office too.
The more I think about this the more problems I find. Maybe I can ask another co-worker who worked with us and I'm close with if she think its a good idea?
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This could turn awkward real quick, I mean by your own admission you haven't really spoken to her outside the office.. so you might be mistaken her good nature as a coworker for something else.
Bit of a long feel-good story about my personal dating progress.
I started online dating for the very first time (and posting in this thread) sometime in June 2019. My confidence was shattered from my last relationship and I was coming to grips with the fact that perhaps, I never had that confidence in the first place. I was so good at faking it, I forgot that I had to eventually make it. And so began my clumsy, blundering journey through online dating. I went on lots of first dates, got chat ghosted by a loooot more people. I sucked it up, understood why people did what they did (and it doesn't make them bad people) and learned to take a few (or a lot) on the chin. Got in and out of a relationship even. But through it all, I was determined to put myself out there. I was here to learn how to socialize, learn how to be dateable.
And so here we are, 7 months later. I accepted a standup routine role for a roast of a friend. I'd never done standup before, but I knew I could be funny given a month's lead time lol. I did my bit, got about average laughs, and sat back down. However, this time, instead of sticking with my friends like I always do, I pushed myself to mingle with the crowd.
Two women recognized me and approached me at separate occasions. They were pretty. I bought them drinks and we chatted, but neither was my type, so I eventually ended the conversation without leading them on and moved on. Now, I know I'll probably never be in such a recognizable position again, but this was probably the first time in my life where I was approached. And this was also probably the first time in my life I kind of rejected the girl. Instead of blundering over how to present myself in the best light to any random cute girl, I made a cogent decision that they did not meet what I was looking for. Idk, I felt really proud of that.
I guess I just wanted to share how I got from point A to point B. I've talked about my philosophy of learning in this thread, but the other thing that goes hand in hand with that is just putting yourself out there so that you can learn in the first place. Within these last few months, I:
But friends or no, it's still not going to be easy to put yourself out there. But it also isn't as hard as you think. I once read an article a woman wrote that said, "10 times out of 10, I will find the fatter guy who's not afraid to jump into the pool more attractive than the fit guy fussing about being in the water." After high school, nobody is out to bully you, most people are just trying to enjoy their limited weekend. You'll see that instead of what you think will happen, you'll often find the opposite. Instead of sneering at me, those clothing store employees were so enthusiastic to help. It adds some variety to their day too and lets them flex their muscle. Use that to your advantage and just put yourself out there, whatever it is. Don't be afraid to fail, because you will. But you gotta fail a bunch before you can unlock that last skill tree hiding the real you.
As for me, I'm still not done growing. I still have a lot more to learn about myself. And I'm still single after all this! But a lot of the anxiety is gone. Because the only thing worse than looking dumb in public is dreading looking dumb in public for decades. Don't do what I did lol.
Thanks for reading. Hope this wasn't too preachy!
And so here we are, 7 months later. I accepted a standup routine role for a roast of a friend. I'd never done standup before, but I knew I could be funny given a month's lead time lol. I did my bit, got about average laughs, and sat back down. However, this time, instead of sticking with my friends like I always do, I pushed myself to mingle with the crowd.
Two women recognized me and approached me at separate occasions. They were pretty. I bought them drinks and we chatted, but neither was my type, so I eventually ended the conversation without leading them on and moved on. Now, I know I'll probably never be in such a recognizable position again, but this was probably the first time in my life where I was approached. And this was also probably the first time in my life I kind of rejected the girl. Instead of blundering over how to present myself in the best light to any random cute girl, I made a cogent decision that they did not meet what I was looking for. Idk, I felt really proud of that.
I guess I just wanted to share how I got from point A to point B. I've talked about my philosophy of learning in this thread, but the other thing that goes hand in hand with that is just putting yourself out there so that you can learn in the first place. Within these last few months, I:
- Walked into modern clothing stores and asked the employees there for fashion advice, slowly rebuilding my wardrobe from 0 over months.
- Signed up for rock climbing as a fun way to exercise and meet people.
- Practiced dancing in the mirror and then out in person at parties, fully knowing I was going to look dumb at first, but you know what? Nobody cared more than me.
- Attended a foreign wedding and as only 1 of 2 Westerners in the party, agreed last minute to do a dance presentation on stage.
- Said yes to as many invites as possible to go out.
- Signed up for a standup routine despite having never done it before.
But friends or no, it's still not going to be easy to put yourself out there. But it also isn't as hard as you think. I once read an article a woman wrote that said, "10 times out of 10, I will find the fatter guy who's not afraid to jump into the pool more attractive than the fit guy fussing about being in the water." After high school, nobody is out to bully you, most people are just trying to enjoy their limited weekend. You'll see that instead of what you think will happen, you'll often find the opposite. Instead of sneering at me, those clothing store employees were so enthusiastic to help. It adds some variety to their day too and lets them flex their muscle. Use that to your advantage and just put yourself out there, whatever it is. Don't be afraid to fail, because you will. But you gotta fail a bunch before you can unlock that last skill tree hiding the real you.
As for me, I'm still not done growing. I still have a lot more to learn about myself. And I'm still single after all this! But a lot of the anxiety is gone. Because the only thing worse than looking dumb in public is dreading looking dumb in public for decades. Don't do what I did lol.
Thanks for reading. Hope this wasn't too preachy!
Is it normal for couples to have little fights? Sometimes it feels like my so just wants to fight for no reason at all and it feels so weird, like why would you like to fight and sometimes I wonder if I'm too sensitive. Couple of examples:
I was about to eat a bit of bread since I didn't have dinner and she said that was gonna make me fatter. She knows I was pretty fat back when I was younger and even though I'm thin now, I still struggle with some eating disorders.
This last one happened yesterday and it was what triggered me. I started watching Netflix at about 10 pm to relax a bit after work and everything seemed fine and then she randomly comes and says it must be great to be able to have so much free time, that I do almost nothing at work and made it seem like her profession is so much better since she needs to keep updating herself. To put it in perspective, I'm a business owner that usually works 8-6 and she's a doctor though she is unemployed right now since she just graduated.
When I confronted her and said that was fucked up, she said I'm too sensitive and I should tell her to fuck off when she starts it up. I have no idea why but this feels wrong, like hurting someone just for shits and jiggles. For perspective, we've been together for about four months and since she lives with her mother, she sometimes stays at my place.
I was about to eat a bit of bread since I didn't have dinner and she said that was gonna make me fatter. She knows I was pretty fat back when I was younger and even though I'm thin now, I still struggle with some eating disorders.
This last one happened yesterday and it was what triggered me. I started watching Netflix at about 10 pm to relax a bit after work and everything seemed fine and then she randomly comes and says it must be great to be able to have so much free time, that I do almost nothing at work and made it seem like her profession is so much better since she needs to keep updating herself. To put it in perspective, I'm a business owner that usually works 8-6 and she's a doctor though she is unemployed right now since she just graduated.
When I confronted her and said that was fucked up, she said I'm too sensitive and I should tell her to fuck off when she starts it up. I have no idea why but this feels wrong, like hurting someone just for shits and jiggles. For perspective, we've been together for about four months and since she lives with her mother, she sometimes stays at my place.
This is based off of a super limited sample size, but your SO kinda sounds like a dick, and if she refuses to back off even after you mention that she's hurting you, I would suggest evaluating whether she's worth it. Do you guys have a generally playful relationship that maybe she just took a little far without meaning to? I don't want to misread.
Do you have date nights or ever go out to do anything spontaneously? Often, people need to be seduced. Go on some adventures, take a moonlit stroll, do a picnic, see a play, just start dating each other again.
You're only 4 months in and already fighting regularly? That's not a good sign, you're supposed to be in the honeymoon phase. Even then, little fights are one thing but your SO shouldn't be ridiculing you about your weight or belittling your job ever.
Also, she lives with her mother and is unemployed, right? Yet she's telling you what to do with your time in your own home? Honestly, you should take her advice and tell her to fuck off. Permanently.
Yup. Kerrick that you have to ask "is this normal?" suggests you already have alarm bells / red flags going off in your head. This isn't going to get better unless she learns to control herself. You're not responsible for her correcting her behavior. Let her know you won't tolerate that or its over. Otherwise you're looking at an unhealthy and possibly toxic relationship.
I was going to say that fighting is normal, but she just sounds like she's being combative for fighting's sake. And that could ALL BE OK if she respected your boundaries when you tried to talk. THAT would be the final straw imo. It sounds like you're being mistreated.
It's normal in some couples' situations. Like my girlfriend and I have little squabbles all the time about almost anything. The difference between my situation and yours is that your girlfriend seems to be tearing you down. maybe that's just her personality and not a sign she's unhappy with you but it's clear that it's not your personality. So out of respect for yourself you should talk to her about this in a non-combative way.
This is great stuff, dude! I've gone through a somewhat similar path since breaking up with my long term girlfriend a few months ago. New clothes, going out often, saying yes to all new and interesting opportunities (Meetup groups, dancing classes, reaching out to old friends and acquaintances), picking up new hobbies, and just generally putting myself out there in every way possible. It's been hugely beneficial, and I've made some great friends and gone on some great dates, too.
This entire story is an excellent example of how you really have nothing to lose and everything to gain by stepping outside of your comfort zone and putting effort into crafting the life you truly want. I personally can't think of a single instance where I took a risk socially and regretted it. There's always something positive to take away from an experience, even if the outcome isn't exactly what you hoped for.
This isn't normal. She sounds like a jerk. I'd talk to her and explain to her as seriously as you can that you won't tolerate being talked to like this. If it's bothering you, then it matters and it's worth confronting her about it again. If she can't communicate with you in a healthier way, it's probably best to find someone else who will respect you, not belittle you.
🚨🚨🚨
Don't take this crap from her. If you tell her to stop this and she doesn't, consider dumping her. You don't deserve abuse.
This person is an asshole and you should dump them immediately.
Just went on a date with a girl, despite my shyness, she is pretty into me, said she wished she were there when i said i was watching a movie at home. We work at the same university and i went there just to say hello before going to my building and she gave me a super long and solid hug and we already planned a second date next week-end.
The thing is, i have no idea what is love. Is it something i should know right away if i lile the person? Or is it a development thing? Why is it more clingy despite saying she want to hold on a few weeks to see if she click with the other person.
Am I a baddy if I think that she is pretty but i've seen prettier? To be honest, am I 100% myself when im with her? No. I was with another date that became a friend because she wasn't ready for a relationship, but maybe if i continue to see this person it would unblock.
I feel like an idiot asking that
The thing is, i have no idea what is love. Is it something i should know right away if i lile the person? Or is it a development thing? Why is it more clingy despite saying she want to hold on a few weeks to see if she click with the other person.
Am I a baddy if I think that she is pretty but i've seen prettier? To be honest, am I 100% myself when im with her? No. I was with another date that became a friend because she wasn't ready for a relationship, but maybe if i continue to see this person it would unblock.
I feel like an idiot asking that
its different for everyone, and different with every person you will date. Just be honest with her, have some fun dates and see if you notice feeling different about her. Love at first date is rare to the point of mythical, and no more real than feelings that develop slowly.
After one date you won't know anything yet my friend. Did you enjoy hanging out with her? Cool, then do it again! If you enjoy your time with her, you'll keep seeing her and if something is gonna develop, it will and you'll know.
In my world, I'm single again. After 5 years and ending that, having a break for 7 months and dating someone for 2 months after that, I think I need a looooong break to do my own shit. The girl was cool and nice but I just wasn't into it. I kept thinking of the shit I wanna do and every image had just me in it so that's what I'm gonna do for a while until I finally switch my career, move out of my grandparents' and have my shit together.
I think I'm in the minority here, but I think you really crossed a boundary when you asked so quickly about going over to her place. Yeah, you asked if she was OK with it multiple times etc, but IMO you already put the impression in her head that you were looking for something physical, and quick. It's hard to shake that. You seem to be downplaying your culpability here, as well, which is disappointing.
The last few people I've been on dates with have been... boring as all heck. How do people not have any interest in anything outside work? No tv, games, movies, books, sports, talking a walk, writing, sleeping in on the weekend, looking at license plates, NOTHING!?
Geeze. Ready to give up dating because these ladies are the most uninteresting people I've ever encountered. Maybe there is just some trend I'm missing where they only want to talk about what I'm interested in for the first few dates that I'm unaware of, but wow.
Flat out stopped talking to a few of them because of this. Can't be bothered to carry the conversation anymore myself.
Geeze. Ready to give up dating because these ladies are the most uninteresting people I've ever encountered. Maybe there is just some trend I'm missing where they only want to talk about what I'm interested in for the first few dates that I'm unaware of, but wow.
Flat out stopped talking to a few of them because of this. Can't be bothered to carry the conversation anymore myself.
That's why I'm picky as hell and don't agree to meet up in person until I know we have at least some similar interests 😂
Where did you even find these people?
My main problem is that im 31, only had one relationship for 1 month, that's how insecure i was about my body for all these years (underweight and other health problem).
So being alone all this time, i dont know what i want VS what i need. It's difficult to differenciate the two. For exemple, when she hug me, i like that. But do i like that because it's from her, because she seems to show love, sometime i never really experience before, or is it just because i need this type of love in my life, something missing.
I would hate myself to be one of that guy who only rely on love to try to love myself or feel better about myself
IMO, why does it matter which one it is? Either A) you like her because it comes from her, or B) you like her because she gives you that thing you're missing. Don't think too hard about it. Just enjoy your time with the lady!
At random groups for making friends near my city. They seem ok there and small talking and having a random common interest like k-pop or whatever thing but then I realize they have no lives haha. I mean I don't have a life either but man at least I got something I'm slightly interested in.
I know other people have responded but thank you for sharing this. I've been on a similar journey the last 7 months and while I'm taking longer to get back into the dating pool some of your progression along your path sound very similar to mine.
You will figure it out in time. I had a brief dating period in college and then nothing until I was 26 with a one month relationship followed by a very long-term. Just enjoy yourself and have fun.
You're doing things right, and you should feel proud of it. You're being active, being outgoing, and seeking incremental improvement to multiple facets of your life. That's way more than most can say.
It's been about 2 months now since I've taken a break from dating. It's part of my recovery and taking care of my mental health (I was prone to entering one sided relationships). Feels weird being at work and hearing my coworkers talk about dating, meanwhile it's just not a part of it life right now.
It'll definitely be interesting when I do get back to into it, since I've quit drinking too. The bar scene and drinking was tied in pretty heavily to how I hooked up with women.
I love being sober, and I'm hopeful my dating experiences will only improve with a clear mind and no alcohol to use as a crutch for my anxiety.
It'll definitely be interesting when I do get back to into it, since I've quit drinking too. The bar scene and drinking was tied in pretty heavily to how I hooked up with women.
I love being sober, and I'm hopeful my dating experiences will only improve with a clear mind and no alcohol to use as a crutch for my anxiety.
i know people who only Started dating in their late thirties because of insecurities. You are ahead!
And like others said, it doesn't really matter where the feelings originate. You're enjoying it, she's enjoying it, so let it go.
That's not a general boundary though, it's a very personal thing and I never got the impression that I was crossing a line in this case. It's not like she told me all this before I asked that question, if she did I never would've asked. It does take two to communicate. If you keep saying yes to things and then suddenly change your mind, I'd say it's pretty normal to be confused about where you stand. Am I responsible for leaving that impression? Of course I am, I'm not downplaying that. But depending on the person, it's not a bad impression.
Also, it's not a guarantee that people end up in bed together when they have a 'movie night'. Sure, it happens and it's obvious that she got that impression as well, but it's not a sure thing. But I guess we have the whole Netflix and chill meme to thank for that one.
Watch a movie is code for have sex if it's not at a cinema. It's not just a meme it's a real thing. That and it being a 3rd date which is typically the time when people sleep together for the first time and it's definitely your error here, even if it was accidental
Was it really "so quickly?" I don't exactly see how they did anything wrong there.
For the record, this was over a period of around 6-7 weeks, lots of chatting and 2 (great) dates.
This past weekend was a bit of a failure in dating. Tried setting up dates with the two girls I went out with the weekend before that and I don't think I'm getting a 3rd/4th date? First girl never responded to my text suggesting the date even though she was responding up until that text - it's been almost a week since then. Second girl agreed to the date but then cancelled morning of. Said she would get back to me that night with a reschedule but well, that was this weekend and it's Wednesday now. I guess I got ghosted twice?
Anyway, no surprise I redownloaded Tinder this weekend. Pray for me.
The way I see it, you two experienced a high level of infatuation during those weeks of talking and two dates. It's easy to fantasize about future date ideas because there's no commitment. After she agreed to the movie night, it suddenly became very real and she snapped out of that infatuation. You were going to be in her home and you likely would have expected sex (from her perspective.) I think the sudden realization of that and the fact she wasn't ready for it made her not just pump the breaks but put the car in reverse. That isn't to say it was your fault for suggesting movie night. She put that pressure on herself - you can't control how she reacts. If it were another person, they might have reacted differently. Dating is just one of those things where things can go in any direction at any point. Even if someone seems super enthusiastic about you at one point, they can be completely disinterested in the next regardless of what you do.
Anyway, no surprise I redownloaded Tinder this weekend. Pray for me.
Yeah, I don't think you "crossed a boundary." Even if you intended to suggest something physical from the movie night idea, it's not wrong to want to have sex with a person you're dating. She can refuse, of course; you accepted that and didn't press her any further which is how you should react. I mean, that is to assume that merely suggesting a movie at home even counts as pressuring someone for sex, which I think is a bit absurd. People date and have sex - that's normal - someone has to make the first move.
The way I see it, you two experienced a high level of infatuation during those weeks of talking and two dates. It's easy to fantasize about future date ideas because there's no commitment. After she agreed to the movie night, it suddenly became very real and she snapped out of that infatuation. You were going to be in her home and you likely would have expected sex (from her perspective.) I think the sudden realization of that and the fact she wasn't ready for it made her not just pump the breaks but put the car in reverse. That isn't to say it was your fault for suggesting movie night. She put that pressure on herself - you can't control how she reacts. If it were another person, they might have reacted differently. Dating is just one of those things where things can go in any direction at any point. Even if someone seems super enthusiastic about you at one point, they can be completely disinterested in the next regardless of what you do.
I don't think you did anything wrong but normally I would not propose "lets go to your place and watch a movie". I suggest my own place just so it's not seen as a pressure thing. But frankly I agree with jdstorm here. Lets watch a movie is code for lets get intimate. It has always been that and that's what you should assume is going to be taken when you propose it.
Doesn't mean you dropped the ball. Maybe she just aint feel it as much as you. Maybe she likes to take it slower before she invites someone into her home. Maybe she just changed her mind. It's weird to set up another date during the current date because it's really fucking awkward to say no.
Just take it in stride. Though ai would not be going on any "lets go just as friends with no expectations" dates. Like I have actual friends I dont see enough, why the fuck would I let a random leap frog them?