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How do I aproach my partner to suggest... a threesome?

Oct 27, 2017
8,158
A threesome should be proposed only after you are 100% sure that your partner is into it after a casual conversation, asking directly for it seems like a bad idea.

Also, there are a lot of factors too, like are you going to hire a sex worker, some random hookup through a dating site, a close friend? issues with the gender of the third member?

I would only do this if both of you are 100% sure on what both want
 

daft_cat

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
195
Assuming you're a guy, would you feel alright about watching your girlfriend have her mind blown by some other dude while you tried your best to keep up?

If not, it's not exactly fair for you to put her in the same position with another woman unless she's really into it (and I imagine if she was, you'd know - especially after 3 and a half years of dating).
 
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Royalan

Buy Bionic. Please.
Moderator
Oct 24, 2017
2,038
Well, first thing's first, OP...you know your partner better than we do. Is a threesome something they'd be open to? Because I'd be careful about how you bring this up. If they're not the type of be open to the idea, proposing it out-of-the-blue could potentially lead to a lot of paranoia about the stability of your relationship.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,019
Brasil
Oh boy don't do this.
Unless you got a history with that or she/or he already mentioned something like that i'm pretty sure you can end up on a really tricky situation lmao

And you have to account for future issues because the balance between both of you will suffer a bit. Another thing to consider is like today we do it with another women but tomorrow i want with another guy and vice versa (otherwise your not being fair)

Tricky, really tricky.

You can always go for that Lan Party but you should anticipate which broadband issues you going to have.
Is your Internet provider good enough?
 
Oct 27, 2017
708
You don't. Your girlfriend either suggests it or it is never given life by being spoken aloud. It's not even a sure thing even if she recommends it as you've got to react to that inquiry/idea correctly. If you navigate that minefield, you're still not clear: you make sure your girlfriend is attended to on perhaps a 70:30 or 80:20 ratio with your attention.

Given that you botched the creation of this thread, you're not off to a good start.
 
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Nov 17, 2017
5,492
Literally just ask.
Like. “Have you ever wanted a threesome/have you ever considered a threesome/have you ever fantasied about a threesome?”

The answer is either going to be yes or no.

Then they’ll likely ask you the same. To which you should reply honestly.

If both yes, have fun and list potential friends or people you’d think would be down.

I can see why a lot of posters are cautious but to say this is some sort of relationship breaker is ridiculous.
I think it can certainly break a relationship. Remember we have no context for OP's relationship. Imagine if they're having problems in the bedroom and OP asks about a threesome. That's just going to sound like OP doesn't find their partner attractive and/or is bored of having sex with them and just wants to fuck someone new. It can easily make the other person feel like they're inadequate and poison the relationship leading it to an inevitable death. If OP's partner is against it, they aren't going to forget it. Though I suppose there's a point to be made that if it does come to that, cracks were already there.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,592
And then what if the dude is much better at satisfying your wife.
Right, and his dick is twice as thick and big as yours, too. And she orgasms while riding him multiple times.

If you can honestly say none of these would cause you any insecurity or anxiety whatsoever, you might be a good fit for a problem-free threesome and should approach your SO about it. If not, then you're a hypocrite and/or unprepared for the sexual and emotional dynamics at play here.
 
Oct 25, 2017
999
Mexico City
You need to trust your partner and communicate with her/him, don’t aproach it like is a serious issue, just something to do for fun. Also since it seems would be your first time: DON’T suggest someone you know, either let your partner throw a name on it or go with like an escort or something
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,981
Ah yes, the old quarter based game of devil's triangle. You should probably not ask about it, unless your significant other is already a confirmed kinky person.
 

daft_cat

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
195
If not, then you're a hypocrite and/or unprepared for the sexual and emotional dynamics at play here.
Yupp. As a general rule (i.e, for most people), a threesome works best when all three partners involved are casual. Watching someone you're in love with bone someone else (or vice versa) is bound to cause issues for one or more parties unless you're in an open relationship and/or can easily emotionally detach from sex.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,388
And then what if the dude is much better at satisfying your wife.
Let's not be sexist though...

What if the woman is much better at satisfying his wife?

Now... For "most" guys thinking threesome, it plays like this in their head:

- Honey, would you possibly be into a threesome with... another woman?
- Why, I have been thinking about it, absolutely. But who to ask?
- Well, don't you have women colleagues who could be into it?
- Now that you mention it, Sharon was telling me her dream is to have a threesome some day! And she is gorgeous and totally bi I think!

They never think
- Honey, would you possibly be into a threesome with... another woman?
- Uh, no, I'm not into women. But as you bring that up, I could be into it with another guy...
- Uh... I guess... It's fair. I don't really know anyo...
- Oh that's ok! Mark from accounting would totally like to! I'll get in touch with him!
- Uh... Ok... But...
- And... Honey... You don't mind if at some point we do our own thing right? I've been totally thinking about doing him for months... And then I'd like to just watch you two going at it, I know he's bi. It's going to be fun!
- ...

But more seriously, after just 3 years in a relation, needing to bring someone else...

Eh. Tread carrefully, and perhaps think about where you two are in regard to intimacy with each other.
Plenty of ways to 'spice things up' without bringing potentially emotionally hurting 3rd parties imo.
 
Oct 25, 2017
17,977
Let's not be sexist though...

What if the woman is much better at satisfying his wife?

Now... For "most" guys thinking threesome, it plays like this in their head:

- Honey, would you possibly be into a threesome with... another woman?
- Why, I have been thinking about it, absolutely. But who to ask?
- Well, don't you have women colleagues who could be into it?
- Now that you mention it, Sharon was telling me her dream is to have a threesome some day! And she is gorgeous and totally bi I think!

They never think
- Honey, would you possibly be into a threesome with... another woman?
- Uh, no, I'm not into women. But as you bring that up, I could be into it with another guy...
- Uh... I guess... It's fair. I don't really know anyo...
- Oh that's ok! Mark from accounting would totally like to! I'll get in touch with him!
- Uh... Ok... But...
- And... Honey... You don't mind if at some point we do our own thing right? I've been totally thinking about doing him for months... And then I'd like to just watch you two going at it, I know he's bi. It's going to be fun!
- ...

But more seriously, after just 3 years in a relation, needing to bring someone else...

Eh. Tread carrefully, and perhaps think about where you two are in regard to intimacy with each other.
Plenty of ways to 'spice things up' without bringing potentially emotionally hurting 3rd parties imo.
How was that sexist. Someone else said dude and wife (I don't think the OP is married) and I played off their hypothetical?
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,186
i don't get why people are all mad at the op. maybe he just wants to get two partners for his wife while he watches in the corner.
 
Dec 9, 2018
273
Straightforward emotional blackmail.

"you don't love me if you don't let me bring a striper into our relationship" etc etc

That works 111‰of the time and it's the politest way to do it.

(/s)
 
Oct 25, 2017
903
Irvine, CA
Three years and it's never come up before? Thin ice, my dude. My girlfriend and I are nearing four years and we discussed this sort of thing within the first few months (neither of us are interested in that sort of thing tbh).
 
Oct 25, 2017
7,187
Always run the scenario through your head with the roles reversed and think about how you would react to a proposal like that.

If your partner asked if YOU would like to invite someone THEY wanted to screw to bed:

1. Is your partner getting bored with your love life?
2. Does your partner really want to screw some other person, but is trying to find some sort of fair way to do it without having to cheat outright?
3. Will you be constantly comparing yourself to the other person or worrying about your partner forming a deeper relationship with them?

Now - if you would have negative feelings to those questions if your partner proposed the same thing to you, you should figure that your partner would probably be thinking the same exact thing about you if you asked THEM about it.
 

junomars

Banned
Member
Nov 19, 2018
723
My advice is don't. Or if you do have one don't even look at the other chick for too long. The girlfriend/wife in the threesome tends to have her spirit crushed by her partner enjoying another woman. It aint worth it if you actually like/love her.
 
Oct 28, 2017
958
UK
I have a friend that was about the same amount of time into his relationship when he suggested it to his girlfriend.

She eventually said yes.

He was ignored all the way through the three way and a few months later she left him after he found out she was cheating on him with the other girl.

Good luck though!
 
Nov 15, 2017
2,319
Like many said, very tricky approaching that and it really depends on the partner. If you ask and she is a bit insecure maybe she thinks that she doesn't satisfy you anymore/enough and you need further /extra stimuli. Then it's straight downhill. But only you can asses this since we don't know your partner.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,870
Idk but this is how my wife did it.

Brings hot friend over to house. We start drinking. Hot friend looks at me and says “she wants me to suck your dick. That’s why I’m here” and then shit happened

They had that shit planned for weeks.

In short get yourself a cool fun partner
 
Oct 25, 2017
17,977
Idk but this is how my wife did it.

Brings hot friend over to house. We start drinking. Hot friend looks at me and says “she wants me to suck your dick. That’s why I’m here” and then shit happened

They had that shit planned for weeks.

In short get yourself a cool fun partner
What was the next day like?

Was that a one time thing?
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,870
What was the next day like?

Was that a one time thing?
We had breakfast and her friend left. It was pretty normal.

We had another threesome on our wedding night in Jan. I think we have another one in the works with an ex-coworker friend of hers.

It’s an open relationship too. So that makes everything easier
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,530
Idk but this is how my wife did it.

Brings hot friend over to house. We start drinking. Hot friend looks at me and says “she wants me to suck your dick. That’s why I’m here” and then shit happened

They had that shit planned for weeks.

In short get yourself a cool fun partner
This is a porno.