Ummm a lot of those examples in the OP don't seem like sexism? For example, how is asking whether your baby is hungry a sexist remark?
Ummm a lot of those examples in the OP don't seem like sexism? For example, how is asking whether your baby is hungry a sexist remark?
It's part of a pattern assuming that men don't know how to care for a baby or that they don't know what's wrong when it cries.
It's basically the flipped version of mansplaining. It's pretty damn condescending.
And just because it's condescending we should automatically assume it's coming from a sexist place? There are plenty of condescending people out there. Why do we automatically assume the worst in people?
Well we weren't there so we only have their word for how it happened. If you're willing to believe that the anecdote happened at all, why would you draw the line at believing them with regards to how it was said to them? Why automatically assume this couple didn't understand how they were being treated?
I'm a dude that is involved in every aspect of raising my girls. Women think I'm super dad, which is kind if sad to me because I'm just doing what should be the norm. There are too many part time or no time dads out there.
This (childcare and interacting with children) is one of the very few scenarios where women really have it made over men.
All cultural norms of western society are rooted in patriarchy.You realise this only happens because of misogyny and patriarchy and the assumption that women are inherently "motherly" (and god forbid they not be perfect mothers because otherwise they'll never hear the end of it)? Almost every instance of sexism against men is rooted in patriarchy & misogyny.
Because most of the stuff that were cited sounded fairly innocuous?
Which, btw is something women do with other women all the damn time, because everyone thinks they know parenting better.
Maybe this guy just doesn't look very experienced. Not because he's a guy, just because he isn't.
And just because it's condescending we should automatically assume it's coming from a sexist place? There are plenty of condescending people out there. Why do we automatically assume the worst in people?
Anecdotally, I experience this when I'm out with kids vs my wife. People are always helping to hold doors, at the grocery store people have offered to help unload and return my cart, things like that. My wife gets none of that. I always assumed it's because people think I'm a dumb dad. No fucks given, my 18 month old is heavy.
Now, if someone said some of that shit to me, it be a different story. My daughters have always hated the "dumb dad" trope. They can't stand the Berenstein Bears because of it.
Sorry this indentication confuses me and require clarification.
You are indeed a gender. Everyone is. Non-binary as in your not made of numbers or sequences? Often read as a man. If you are non-binary doesnt that mean you cant be read because you're not sequenced? So how can people read you? As a man at that. Do they try to read you in a mans voice or with an actual man present.
Tbh the only thing I understood is Nanny. Which is a job title or often a title for a british grandmother from a grandchild. I assumed job title because by statistics of probability you are probably not a grandmother.
For comparison, here is a statement I believe is equally confusing.
I am a human, of the being variety, from the demographic of mankind which is not a dirivitive of womankind or trankind but a whole. I breathe. Holding air indefinitely. My brain works on inconsequentiality. I am. Danger is roostered in risk and cause. It does not indeedly finely define my causality which is true.
I think these comments are more damaging to men, especially a gay couple who probably have a lot of people questioning whether they should be allowed to adopt kids in the first place.And just because it's condescending we should automatically assume it's coming from a sexist place? There are plenty of condescending people out there. Why do we automatically assume the worst in people?
It's sex-normative. So yes, it's sexist.And just because it's condescending we should automatically assume it's coming from a sexist place? There are plenty of condescending people out there. Why do we automatically assume the worst in people?
Because most of the stuff that were cited sounded fairly innocuous?
If his baby was crying and no one offered to help, would he then attribute the inaction to sexism too?
No, because then they would assume he knows how to take care of his child. There are certainly incompetent parents--mom and dad alike--but many parents do research on how to raise and care for their children. So maybe wait and see if they ask for help instead of just assuming he's an idiot just cause he's a dude watching his kid?
I love how quickly some people are willing to dismiss the sole money maker of the family time working as an excuse. What a joke.... Way to engage with my post. Better to have not even quoted me.
I very, clearly went on to explain the first comment. Also I never said it was an excuse, either.
right? i think some here are living in their own little world. How often do we have stories here or hear of them elsewhere "i lost my job because i couldnt get someone to cover my shift" "i dont get paid holidays" (if you dont get paid holidays you dont get vacation either) "people are frowned upon for using their vacation" "X amount of americans live paycheck to paycheck" (if you're living paycheck to paycheck, and your hourly can you afford to take a few hours off to go to a school function? probably not.) almost all of these are stories i've seen on this forum or the old one.I love how quickly some people are willing to dismiss the sole money maker of the family time working as an excuse. What a joke.
Uhhh no. The article writer is the one that comes off as a potential MRA member. If you are a man invoking "sexism", that's quite the high hurdle (arguably impossible) and the rest of the article falls flat. I don't blame him for all of it, for example anyone with a wife knows that parent-shaming goes both ways. He's with a man, so he's not privy to "his wife being parent-shamed" also, he assumed it was because he was a man. The writer is objectively sensitive. The crying after class bit because people kept trolling him with advice?? Every parent I know would have given a sufficient, simple "fuck off" under those circumstances.The advice you're giving is to "man up" and brush off sexist acts as a part of life for this generation?
Well then... that toxic masculinity amirite.
That feeling when you use the RICHARD DAWKINS defense as your own.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rebecca_Watson
(Click the elevator incident for his response)
I saw this so much raising my kid. Not only was it the momsplaining, but when I'd take my kid to the park when he was little I'd get dirty looks and moms keeping their kids away from me as I kept an eye on mine. The worst was the time I went to collect my child as he was chasing a squirrel and a woman ran up and asked my kid, "Do you know this man?" She didn't ask that of any of the kids with moms there but the expectation that a man was only there to snatch a child was too much for her to ignore. It's pretty shitty. So glad he's 18 now and I don't have to deal with that.
I get this all the time, it drives me up the wall. I got told I was 'babysitting' when arranging and hosting my daughter's birthday party last year, both at work before and after, (I'm in an office three days a week) and at home by the mothers of my daughter's friends.If I had a nickle for every time someone said "Oh, you're on babysitting duty today?" or "Wow, your wife trusts you enough to have the kid out?", I'd have some damn nickels. It's not babysitting when it's your kid, it's fucking parenting.
You are part of the problem with your man can't have feelings nonsense.Because more than half of it comes off as whiny and I've also experienced some things in the write up without getting my feelings hurt. He gets off on the wrong foot by invoking "Everyday Sexism" in the title, then I read it and he can't even back it up. Do the work, take care of your kids, who cares what people think? I've peeked at these "mom and baby" tip books too and it never crossed my mind to be outraged that "dads" weren't being addressed or whatever other grievances are being brought up. Use the tips in the book anyway! The only objective violation in that whole write up was a stranger asking him to hand over his crying kid. My kids are mixed, I've been asked before if they are mine... so what? He's making a lot of unnecessary assumptions in his write up to boot.
The next generation of people will be more open about men diverting from norms that we men are the one's responsible for putting in place to begin with.
This is what we do, and it works great- you both get the benefit of spending time parenting and discovering stuff with your kid, and also keeping something (your professional life) for yourself. We found it just made us stronger and kept life interesting, as just when you fancy a change of scenery every few days (and there will be days when you are dying for an adult conversation) there's a change of pace. A couple of days in childcare is great for social stuff and learning stuff from the childminders, as professional childminders/playworkers our little one is always coming home singing new songs or with new craft activities, it's a great hub for ideas for activities.Posting in a dad thread because I'm a dad.
Not much to contribute. Daughter is only 4 months old. Mum stays at home since she is breast-feeding, but will go back to work part time in a few months. Current plan is that she will work 3 days, I will work 4, and there will be 2 days in child care.
Yeah the not-so-subtle societal sneer at stay-at-home dads is shitty and needs to be a thing of the past. I don't want kids but if I ever did I would probably take this role as I work from home anyway and could still do at least 50% of my current work while looking after the baby.
Nope sorry, your post doesn't apply to me. Men can have feelings dude. Men tripping over themselves to be victims of sexism get eye rolls.You are part of the problem with your man can't have feelings nonsense.
Thank you.Dads and dads-to-be, relax. I know you want to vent your frustrations, but don' let paranoia, low self-confidence, and over-sensitivity hinder your experience as a parent, embitter you, or prevent you from actually enjoying your time with your kids.
And of unsolicited parenting advice--such as this, for instance--sends you into a blind rage, well, better thicken your skin. It's coming regardless of your role. Some of it's condescending, most of it is terrible, and a fraction of a fraction of it will be mildly decent. Roll with it and move on. Or come here to vent like a madman. Either option is fine, I guess.
lmao. Yup! He will find out the hard way.
Agreed. The frailty here and the need to be a victim of sexism is deplorable.Dads and dads-to-be, relax. I know you want to vent your frustrations, but don' let paranoia, low self-confidence, and over-sensitivity hinder your experience as a parent, embitter you, or prevent you from actually enjoying your time with your kids.
And of unsolicited parenting advice--such as this, for instance--sends you into a blind rage, well, better thicken your skin. It's coming regardless of your role. Some of it's condescending, most of it is terrible, and a fraction of a fraction of it will be mildly decent. Roll with it and move on. Or come here to vent like a madman. Either option is fine, I guess.
Agreed. The frailty here and the need to be a victim of sexism is deplorable.
I walk with my daughter all the time.
I get unsolicited advice, I smile and nod.
This shit doesn't even enter my mind. I don't care what strangers think. I was speaking to coworkers about my baby teething, and some woman came out of nowhere to give like commonly googleable advise about freezing teething rings. I smiled, nodded, and moved on with my life. I am boggled that this is rage inducing to some of you.
To someone who is an actual victim of this country due to my skin color, like. . .stop trying to be victims, it's pathetic. There is no need to make yourself one. It's not something you truly wish to be, trust.
I get hit with the "awww is daddy babysitting today" stuff a fair bit.
"No, daddy is just being daddy" usually makes the point without being totally antagonistic about it. Still annoying as fuck.