You can complain on the internet all you want if it makes you feel better.
If you are, however, feeling depressed getting unsolicited advice as a parent, you are beyond the pale and should be getting professional help because there is clearly something going on in your life besides the advice. Tying unsolicited advice to shaking your baby is disingenuous at best. I would argue most of those people didn't want to be a father in the first place. Being told how to change a diaper or how to feed a baby isn't going to lead to a father shaking his fucking baby. Get out of here with that Olympian level stretch. All parents get unsolicited advice, male and female.
The homophobic messages the gentleman received were that, homophobic, but getting bad advise from strangers and getting applauded for simple parenting as a father is par for the course. These behaviors change with time, and calling it sexist on the internet will not lead to changes in the behavior. It comes across as MRA bullshit, personally.
No, the thing parents in this thread are complaining about
is the MRA bull shit. The implicit and explicit notion that only mothers can parent effectively and that
men should man up and start being men again or what have you
is the MRA bull shit. Concepts like "A woman's place is in the kitchen" is the flipside of "A man's place is to grin and bear it and do the man's job," and other old stereotypes.
That is the sexist, chauvinistic platform.
That said, though, I'm not feeling depressed about unsolicited advice about being a parent, and I don't need professional help. If you read my post, and
that was your take away, then you need to take 5minutes, re-read a post multiple times, and
then reply to it. I also wasn't saying that unsolicited advice leads to shaking a baby, but rather, that the same thing that leads to unsolicited advice is what contributes to the idea that you're espousing: that parents need to stop whining or complaining, buck up because they're not victims, or what have you, and
that is what stigmatizes depression and anxiety in parents, and
that is a contributor to things like shaking babies (there is good academic research the connection between paternal postpartem depression and shaken baby syndrome)
You can complain on the internet all you want if it makes you feel better.
Your post is needlessly argumentative. If you don't feel comfortable having a discussion about something, instead of just being antagonistic and argumentative, then
don't.
"This is bad because it is happening to me! " No, it happens to everyone with kids. What's sexist is the pay gap. What's sexist is non existent paternal leave in most of the US. Getting told you are "babysitting" your child is a minor annoyance at best.
Just noticed your edit. Do you not see how these things are tied together? The sexist pay gap, the lack of paternity leave, and the things people are talking about in this thread (whether it's condescending advice, or the person who thought that a father was abducting a child, the general de-emphasis on fathers as parents as opposed to mothers, etc) are all related to each other. The sexist pay gap is partly
because women were given reduced places in the workplace which is partly
because men were never given paternity leave which was partly
because parenting is stigmatized as a place for women and not men, or at least that a woman's role is supposed to be one thing, while a men's role is supposed to be another.