But You are though, like what couple would want to have a ex in the same house. Sooner or later they will act. Like all.the cost that she is paying for you could easily go into something elseI mean, generally when one member of the family is a stay at home parent that's how it is. Since I haven't left I'm still a stay at home parent. Don't currently have income to pay for anything. How could I? I did contribute financially before we had twins, but since daycare was more expensive than my income I had to stay home. If I wasn't a parasite before I'm not now.
I feel like if human beings lived for several centuries, polyamorous relationships would be much more common. Would you agree?Utterly bullshit.
I'm in one right now.
My partner and I don't live together, but we're each other's primary partner. We're just like any other couple in that respect, except we also have other partners. I'm not currently seeing anyone else as, quite frankly, I don't have time and I'm working on myself for a while before I meet new people.
My partner was asexual for most of her life and, around five years ago, discovered feelings of sexual desire she didn't know even existed. She had very little sexual contact because of this, and is now exploring this in a healthy way. So she has multiple partners: a man and woman in Germany who she sees a few times a year, and a guy she just met who she is dating and having regular sex with.
She also wants to explore her dom side, among other things, and I think it's wonderful she's getting to experience all of this in safe and healthy environments.
This might seem utterly alien to you, but I have no desires of possession over her. I love her deeply but have no hint of jealously when she tells me about her partners (and we talk about everything, this is something she lets all of them know in advance).
This is, without a doubt, the healthiest and most loving relationship I've ever been in. There is no pretense of ownership, or expectation in terms of what we owe each other. We're both hugely respectful of each other's feelings, we talk openly and honestly about our experiences, and we actively help each other with things like writing our dating profiles, choosing pictures for them, etc...
And, as the only people compatible with this kind of relationship are other poly people, we've met lots of people with the same mindset and seen just how well and how often these things can work out.
The woman who is part of that German couple just came over to stay for the weekend. My girlfriend had a huge project sprung on her and she had to work through it, and both myself and the woman (and some other friends) all came together to help with it. We hung out for 3 days and nights, and it was really fucking awesome.
So, next time you consider making a statement like that, consider that it's your ignorance of how poly relationships work out all the damn time. They're not for everyone, and largely if a couple who has been monogamous decides to move toward this there may be a high failure rate, but don't ignore those who build relationships FROM a poly position, of which there are too many to speak of it the way you just did.
This level of speaking from an ignorant position like you know for certain is dumb as hell, why you'd choose to do that I don't know.
When you go around looking at life with Rose-Tinted Glasses you don't see the red flags, you just see flags.This thread is giving me a headache.
I just for the life of me cannot fathom the sheer apathy with which OP is treating this situation.
Good luck to you though OP. Hopefully everything'll shake out well for you. Somehow.
Cheating and sexual non-exclusivity has been a thing since the dawn of time. Polyamory in many ways is the acceptance that your loved one will have sexual urges that you cannot, or will not, fulfill and agreeing to respect one-another enough to allow for that exploration.I feel like if human beings lived for several centuries, polyamorous relationships would be much more common. Would you agree?
But You are though, like what couple would want to have a ex in the same house. Sooner or later they will act. Like all.the cost that she is paying for you could easily go into something else
She's paying for the house, my car, the food, health insurance, my student loans (I mentioned that I don't have a degree but I do have student loans), and I still buy anything I want with money that she is earning. There is definitely take there.
I mean that sounds like something I would do, but no. You've all convinced me to definitely see a lawyer once the divorce actually comes up. I know that one guy says to do it immediately but I am not going to do that. Sorry.
There is more than being a parasite then just the money thing dude. It about your presence being in the house. Like real talkIt would cost more for them to pay for daycare, so no it couldn't. Once I have an income the "parasite" aspect become a a non-issue.
That's convenience, not usefulness OP. You're a mouth to feed. Find a new home and lifestyle that fits YOUR needs and that allows you stand on your own feet.Kids need to be raised at home still once they're in school. Animals need caring for. Chores need to be done. Once I'm back to work that's another income going towards living expenses.
Of course none of this means I'm needed here. If they didn't want me they could certainly afford to lose me just as we've been living as two adults all these years. But I'm not useless.
... The way you're talking, it sounds like they both have full time jobs. They could get rid of you and one of them stays home (to replace your duties) or they both work and put kids in daycare. She needed you before, she no longer does.It would cost more for them to pay for daycare, so no it couldn't. Once I have an income the "parasite" aspect become a a non-issue.
When they decide it does. You have no say in the matterWhen exactly does my usefulness run out? This here isn't me saying they won't kick me out because they need me, but just that... My usefulness really doesn't run out here. It doesn't end when the twins are in school.
The proposed cruelty is that they'll keep me around until they don't want me anymore, lying about their intentions. If we've talked about moving into a duplex and living in the same house indefinitely then kicking me out is cruel.
Don't walk into a divorce settlement with that mindset. You're not a parasite--you're doing your part by taking care of the household (learn how to cook though).I mean, generally when one member of the family is a stay at home parent that's how it is. Since I haven't left I'm still a stay at home parent. Don't currently have income to pay for anything. How could I? I did contribute financially before we had twins, but since daycare was more expensive than my income I had to stay home. If I wasn't a parasite before I'm not now.
It's job hunting time, bro. You've got to look forward now. You're not going to find a new girl living jobless with your ex wife and the chick she left you for. And honestly, it's only a matter of time before they bring up the idea of you leaving.I'm currently a stay at home dad. I don't have a job or a college degree. I'm living comfortably right now. I want to stay for me as much as for the kids. I legitimately cannot imagine leaving this for a better situation.
Haha, the passive aggressive armchair analyses.. after you made the silly hyperbolic statements and then got all defense when that was mentioned.Do I need to give you a lesson on internet today? When I said irrationally angry/annoyed I didn't mean it like I was pacing back and forth a room clenching my first or some shit. Don't overanalyze just that term, especially after I explained where I am coming from. If you wish to be willfully obtuse, go right ahead. I am basing my feelings on what information is presented. If you want to go talk to the ex-wife and partner to bring some unknown facts go right ahead.
Like I said, you have a bit of a victim complex about the poly life aspect. Which was what your previous reply to me was about. You had that unfortunate situation due to someone else, not me. I suggest you have a heart to heart with that person to get over it
Absolutely.I feel like if human beings lived for several centuries, polyamorous relationships would be much more common. Would you agree?
It's job hunting time, bro. You've got to look forward now. You're not going to find a new girl living jobless with your ex wife and the chick she left you for. And honestly, it's only a matter of time before they bring up the idea of you leaving.
I'm sorry your life flipped upside down and I hope the best for you. It's not going to happen staying where you're at though.
I can prepare basic food in an instant pot with very detailed instructions.
Might be banned for this but reading this makes it sound like you're just taking advantage and your wife was unhappy taking care of your ass and she expressed such and instead of getting ish together you come on here to somewhat justify your laziness dude get a job and get your house on order all you have said was that all signs point to yo ass being on the streets by the end of the year.
I know but there is still stuff that could have been done my friend, and as for mow fuck the past shit my boy you on borrowed time if you cant see that big ass sign in your face telling you to get the fuck out that's on your kids you want them to grow up in a house where daddy is full of resent that his love was never really his, resent will grow I'm telling you get a job and leave find a nice apartment in some time co parent but staying in that house is such a bad choiceI only don't have a job because I'm a stay at home parent. I chose to stay home because daycare for twins would be more than my income. Sure, shame me for having a job that doesn't pay a lot, whatever, but I have never been a bum freeloading off of her.
lol, if genders were reversed nobody would even question this decision.I only don't have a job because I'm a stay at home parent. I chose to stay home because daycare for twins would be more than my income. Sure, shame me for having a job that doesn't pay a lot, whatever, but I have never been a bum freeloading off of her.
How is taking care of children full time 'taking advantage'? Because he's a man? Wtf is this regressive shit.Might be banned for this but reading this makes it sound like you're just taking advantage and your wife was unhappy taking care of your ass and she expressed such and instead of getting ish together you come on here to somewhat justify your laziness dude get a job and get your house on order all you have said was that all signs point to yo ass being on the streets by the end of the year.
Where did I say that? Dont assume my intention as me bruhHow is taking care of children full time 'taking advantage'? Because he's a man? Wtf is this regressive shit.
That doesn't sound fair. No rooms for the kids on the ex's side? Don't think the court would like that.I have a lot to worry about before I really try to get a new girl or guy or what have you. I'm cool with being single for a while.
The situation we're aiming for is, as I've said, for us to live in a duplex. I'd essentially have my own apartment with two kids sleeping in it. That's not unworkable for a romantic life, even if my ex lives downstairs.
lol, if genders were reversed nobody would even question this decision.
That being said, you should start looking into a trade school or a certificate because at some point or another they are gonna put you out.
Ima saynthis maybe my post came off that way wasnt my intention my apologies, what I'm saying is this shit is fucked and I don't understand why he is entertaining this situation sounds like someone that needs to get his shit together before it's over, honestly this thread reads like a trollHow is taking care of children full time 'taking advantage'? Because he's a man? Wtf is this regressive shit.
I don't disagree with you there, it doesn't sound feasible long term, but nothing about this thread suggests he is trolling and you directly said he was 'taking advantage' and another poster is calling him a 'parasite' so I'm not sure what you expected people to get from that other than you and a few other posters expressing extremely backwards views on gender relations. If you didn't mean that then like...don't say it?Ima saynthis maybe my post came off that way wasnt my intention my apologies, what I'm saying is this shit is fucked and I don't understand why he is entertaining this situation sounds like someone that needs to get his shit together before it's over, honestly this thread reads like a troll
This idea of letting your partner fuck others cause you're bored is terrible.
That type of thing only works if both parties agree to it at the beginning of a relationship, not 10 years later.
Goodluck OP. It might be time to start planning how you will get out.
That doesn't sound fair. No rooms for the kids on the ex's side? Don't think the court would like that.
Guess that would ensure full custody though.
I guess I just don't even see the point of having a duplex if everything is interchangeable.There are four kids. Two can sleep upstairs, two can sleep downstairs. Most duplexes in Buffalo have three bedrooms per apartment, so there's plenty of room. They can hang out wherever during the day.
I guess I just don't even see the point of having a duplex if everything is interchangeable.
I worded wrong I tend to do that I just mean the ex and new girl gonna see it that way , she trying to move him to a house with just him and kids she phasing him out if he cant see that then lolI don't disagree with you there, it doesn't sound feasible long term, but nothing about this thread suggests he is trolling and you directly said he was 'taking advantage' and another poster is calling him a 'parasite' so I'm not sure what you expected people to get from that other than you and a few other posters expressing extremely backwards views on gender relations. If you didn't mean that then like...don't say it?
When exactly does my usefulness run out? This here isn't me saying they won't kick me out because they need me, but just that... My usefulness really doesn't run out here. It doesn't end when the twins are in school.
The proposed cruelty is that they'll keep me around until they don't want me anymore, lying about their intentions. If we've talked about moving into a duplex and living in the same house indefinitely then kicking me out is cruel.
lol, if genders were reversed nobody would even question this decision.
That being said, you should start looking into a trade school or a certificate because at some point or another they are gonna put you out.
EXACTLY! And I don't give a fuck about polyamorous relationships, if it works for you, awesome! Hell that sounds cool. New pussy... but my girl would never go for it, lol. That said. the OP has four children, no job with this woman who is not in love with him and seems to be leading him on. I hope he doesn't think they REALLY want him in that duplex, rent free. Get a clue, OP. Make moves and be out. It's better for your mental health, my g.If genders were reversed it would also be a clear cut case of a "toxic husband" who lost interest in the relationship after kids entered the picture and the wife would be rightfully entitled to a clean divorce, asset split, and ongoing alimony payments.
EXACTLY! And I don't give a fuck about polyamorous relationships, if it works for you, awesome! Hell that sounds cool. New pussy... but my girl would never go for it, lol. That said. the OP has four children, no job with this woman who is not in love with him and seems to be leading him on. I hope he doesn't think they REALLY want him in that duplex, rent free. Get a clue, OP. Make moves and be out. It's better for your mental health, my g.
Why would you move into a duplex beside that if you have to pay lmao bruh get yo ish together get a lil distance even if it's a few blocks down like bruh chill, that's gonna be hella awkward explaining this situation to future partners it makes you like bad but do you if you happyNo, I'd be paying for it as well. That has been discussed. The stay at home situation is not permanent.
Is she still your partner though? You've called her your ex.On top of that, I am specifically excited by the idea of my partner being with other people. I think that's hot, regardless of gender or whether or not I'm there or participating.
Why would you move into a duplex beside that if you have to pay lmao bruh get yo ish together get a lil distance even if it's a few blocks down like bruh chill, that's gonna be hella awkward explaining this situation to future partners it makes you like bad but do you if you happy
Ah I gotcha. So, being totally honest, cards on the table, I assume you're still attracted to her right? You say you love her so that's just assuming, do you still find it hot that she's giving you at least some level of attention even though she's with someone else, and if so is that contributing at all to you wanting to be close? Also, are you harboring any hope at all that this relationship may not work out and she would possibly go back to you?